Lucky_Lucy1189
Lucky_Lucy1189 t1_j8ryr0g wrote
Reply to [OT] Poetry Corner: Fire! by OldBayJ
I traveled over seven seas
with the storm crashing against me,
and over seven continents
with the mountains obstructing my path.
​
I needed to see,
what was at the end?
​
I traveled flying with the birds
while the gale drove me away,
and finally reached my destination
after three lifetimes.
​
In the fourth lifetime,
I found a hellscape.
​
The raging fire charred the soil
and turned the air scorching.
and made the water boil.
Nothing was safe.
​
But when I looked closer,
I saw something.
​
The soil was fertilized.
The stream was now a hot spring.
The steam purified you.
The fire blazed on.
​
Fire can destroy,
but the elements are harmonious.
Lucky_Lucy1189 t1_j8rznjp wrote
Reply to comment by eigen-dog in [OT] Poetry Corner: Fire! by OldBayJ
This was really good! I liked the descriptions.
I think it would be better to use something like "heartless heat" than "flightless heat" unless you specifically wanted to highlight darkness.
Also, I think you should capitalize only the beginnings of sentences, not lines.