I did read the title.

Samuel Adams got into the beer business decades before he got into the revolutionary business. Beer first, revolution second.

Pretty sure he made beer first, being that was a family business and all.

Edit: This seems to be difficult for some people to comprehend, so I'll lay it out in more detail. Samuel Adams was making beer in the 1740s. This is before the 1776.

This means Samuel Adams the revolutionary came after Samuel Adams the Beer Guy.

In other words. He was known for beer first

This feels less Oniony and more "Adult Swim Original circa 2004"

I'm starting to suspect that "sports builds character" is the second biggest lie I was told growing up.

Of course it's a Catholic school.

Killing people for not listening to him is God's favorite activity.

Stop blaming machines for capitalism being garbage.

Maybe we could come up with a better economic system or something.

Or we could bring all technological progress to a screeching halt because it's easier to be a machine smashing luddite than to work towards meaningful social progress.

This is... The entire point of the industrial revolution.