“You’re… firing me?” Satan looked on in confusion. “Actually, we’re liquidating your whole sector. Every last demon.” God replied.
That was six hours ago.
The Man certainly did follow through with his statement, firing, or as they liked to call it "letting go" of every single demon in Satan's sector. You name it, God fired it, whether they be Succubus, Reaper, Imp, Tieflings, even the Bahumat's, who promptly set fire to the break room, but you know.... nothing I could do about it. Oh, also no severance packages, what the hell dude?!
I'd been stressing out about this so much that I broke the you know, tiny little coffee pod machine thingy (it burnt me, which very much hurt, so I dropped it off the top of the building, bye bye tiny little hand burny drink maker, burn in Hell!)
My assistant, Lucifer also wasn't happy about the situation, and our conversation went a little something like this.
Me: "Lucifer..... Our sector's being liquidated. Okay bye!"
Lucifer: *filing nails* "Oh that's nice..... wait what?!"
Me: "Yup. The big man said, so now I have to fire... sorry 'let go' of about a million spirits and demons, and just hope to heavens the unions don't get involved"
Lucifer: "Hey, that'll be Gods problem if that happens"
Me: "Yeah, but that won't stop them from going after me. The press won't leave me alone for weeks after this is all over, my face of humiliation will be all over the news"
Lucifer: "You have a very handsome though"
Me: "True"
Lucifer: "Anywaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaays, moving on from the impending doom. Is our date still on tonight?"
Me: "What do you think? I have the whole sector to let go, clear out our floor, settle any disputes, clear the finances, shut the servers, oh and tell Linda from hospitality that I won't be coming to the Christmas party"
Lucifer: "So..... that's a yes?"
Gosh sometimes I forget how much of a moron Lucifer could be, I swear to God he lacks half his brains cells most of the time. I don't really know why I hired the the man, he's more style over substance, but then again.... damn he was moighty fine. Blonde hair, blue eyes, soft yet sleek face (I'd seen his skin care routine on FaceBible, I now know why he is half an hour late to work every morning), always showing up in some sort of fashionable suit accented by his black horns and tail. Always late, he was an idiot, but he was my idiot.
I turned away and sighed in disappointment, ashamed of my boyfriend/assistant's stupidity. I didn't have time for this, and if I did, I still wouldn't care for it. Listen, he was a great boyfriend, cute, funny, drop dead gorgeous, but he sucked at being an assistant, the only reason I hired him was because I pitied whoever else would have, now look where I was. He forget to send me my meeting times, any missed calls, my memos, and he could only just remember my Coffee order. Iced Black coffee with two pumps of caramel and a dash of almond milk.
I grumbled, not wanting to deal with this anymore.
"I'm off to yell at God again" I said walking out of the room.
MoonOmens22 t1_ix7hzj9 wrote
Reply to [WP] “You’re… firing me?” Satan looked on in confusion. “Actually, we’re liquidating your whole sector. Every last demon.” God replied. by Totally_Not_Thanos
“You’re… firing me?” Satan looked on in confusion. “Actually, we’re liquidating your whole sector. Every last demon.” God replied.
That was six hours ago.
The Man certainly did follow through with his statement, firing, or as they liked to call it "letting go" of every single demon in Satan's sector. You name it, God fired it, whether they be Succubus, Reaper, Imp, Tieflings, even the Bahumat's, who promptly set fire to the break room, but you know.... nothing I could do about it. Oh, also no severance packages, what the hell dude?!
I'd been stressing out about this so much that I broke the you know, tiny little coffee pod machine thingy (it burnt me, which very much hurt, so I dropped it off the top of the building, bye bye tiny little hand burny drink maker, burn in Hell!)
My assistant, Lucifer also wasn't happy about the situation, and our conversation went a little something like this.
Me: "Lucifer..... Our sector's being liquidated. Okay bye!"
Lucifer: *filing nails* "Oh that's nice..... wait what?!"
Me: "Yup. The big man said, so now I have to fire... sorry 'let go' of about a million spirits and demons, and just hope to heavens the unions don't get involved"
Lucifer: "Hey, that'll be Gods problem if that happens"
Me: "Yeah, but that won't stop them from going after me. The press won't leave me alone for weeks after this is all over, my face of humiliation will be all over the news"
Lucifer: "You have a very handsome though"
Me: "True"
Lucifer: "Anywaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaays, moving on from the impending doom. Is our date still on tonight?"
Me: "What do you think? I have the whole sector to let go, clear out our floor, settle any disputes, clear the finances, shut the servers, oh and tell Linda from hospitality that I won't be coming to the Christmas party"
Lucifer: "So..... that's a yes?"
Gosh sometimes I forget how much of a moron Lucifer could be, I swear to God he lacks half his brains cells most of the time. I don't really know why I hired the the man, he's more style over substance, but then again.... damn he was moighty fine. Blonde hair, blue eyes, soft yet sleek face (I'd seen his skin care routine on FaceBible, I now know why he is half an hour late to work every morning), always showing up in some sort of fashionable suit accented by his black horns and tail. Always late, he was an idiot, but he was my idiot.
I turned away and sighed in disappointment, ashamed of my boyfriend/assistant's stupidity. I didn't have time for this, and if I did, I still wouldn't care for it. Listen, he was a great boyfriend, cute, funny, drop dead gorgeous, but he sucked at being an assistant, the only reason I hired him was because I pitied whoever else would have, now look where I was. He forget to send me my meeting times, any missed calls, my memos, and he could only just remember my Coffee order. Iced Black coffee with two pumps of caramel and a dash of almond milk.
I grumbled, not wanting to deal with this anymore.
"I'm off to yell at God again" I said walking out of the room.