When they held his balls in a jar up next to his dick, he knew he messed up.

They would have to go to Vietnam, find his balls, bring them back to verify, and then measure the distance. It really would only be a few rooms over or the next lab over. That is if the balls were still in tact enough to verify. Otherwise it’s dick to lack of balls which would make the monetary sum undefined and would not be payable. Knowing the government and how they treat some of our vets, they would just claim that the exact location of his balls cannot be confirmed and deny his compensation all together. The marine thought he was being smart but he just screwed himself.