Brother, she got you good, didn't she? You do your best to play nice, and you try to think the best of everyone. I mean, bitterness is toxic, and there's a fine fine line between caution and paranoia. Plus, sure she's your ex, but she's also your kid's mother, and little dude means the world to you. To both of you. So you find a rational excuse for the red flags and put the work into recognizing your own flaws, because that's what decent people do. And while she may have used those flaws against you in egregious ways in the time leading up to the divorce, and doubled down during the process itself, well, of course, she was upset, and people get nasty when they fight, and besides, she may have even had a couple of points, so you're going to do everything that you can to become an even better version of yourself. For you and for him. You're going to beat the stigma of the bitter divorced dad. You're going to show trust and compassion and be the example that he's going to need. Maybe that you could have used when you were growing up. And those are all super admirable traits. You're not wrong.
But.
"Hey, son-of-my-ex, guess what? Surprise! We're going to Fiji!" is not "spontaneous," and may actually violate the terms of your custody agreement.
Getting a passport isn't free. Getting one for your child only makes sense if you're planning on needing it. And if she hasn't actually purchased the tickets yet, she's definitely hit Expedia with intention sometime recently.
Learn to tell her no. Set boundaries and enforce them. Trust yourself to know when things make sense. And stop fighting yourself in your head on her behalf.
I mean, there's my nickel's worth of free advice from an internet stranger, you do with it as you will. But I for one move to strike this from the register of fuck ups, and suggest forwarding it to the department of lucky saves.
PonderousSledge t1_ja48dof wrote
Reply to TIFU by texting my ex-wife by LaVieEnRoseLavelle
Brother, she got you good, didn't she? You do your best to play nice, and you try to think the best of everyone. I mean, bitterness is toxic, and there's a fine fine line between caution and paranoia. Plus, sure she's your ex, but she's also your kid's mother, and little dude means the world to you. To both of you. So you find a rational excuse for the red flags and put the work into recognizing your own flaws, because that's what decent people do. And while she may have used those flaws against you in egregious ways in the time leading up to the divorce, and doubled down during the process itself, well, of course, she was upset, and people get nasty when they fight, and besides, she may have even had a couple of points, so you're going to do everything that you can to become an even better version of yourself. For you and for him. You're going to beat the stigma of the bitter divorced dad. You're going to show trust and compassion and be the example that he's going to need. Maybe that you could have used when you were growing up. And those are all super admirable traits. You're not wrong.
But.
"Hey, son-of-my-ex, guess what? Surprise! We're going to Fiji!" is not "spontaneous," and may actually violate the terms of your custody agreement. Getting a passport isn't free. Getting one for your child only makes sense if you're planning on needing it. And if she hasn't actually purchased the tickets yet, she's definitely hit Expedia with intention sometime recently.
Learn to tell her no. Set boundaries and enforce them. Trust yourself to know when things make sense. And stop fighting yourself in your head on her behalf.
I mean, there's my nickel's worth of free advice from an internet stranger, you do with it as you will. But I for one move to strike this from the register of fuck ups, and suggest forwarding it to the department of lucky saves.