RubyRaven907

RubyRaven907 t1_iwwb6yq wrote

Reply to comment by coyote-1 in Psychologists demonstrate why feeling appreciated is particularly important for avoidantly attached individuals by chrisdh79

So has anybody ever just said to you something like…oh, dang! That was a swing and a miss! Are you able to accept acknowledgement of your effort and mild criticism? There’s a subtlety to providing feedback to your other in a way that’s validating of work but maybe not product.

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RubyRaven907 t1_iww9t8k wrote

Reply to comment by philmatu in Psychologists demonstrate why feeling appreciated is particularly important for avoidantly attached individuals by chrisdh79

I completely understand! Upon reading this post…it seems the premise here is that feeling appreciated can help folks shift from Avoiding to Prosocial behaviors; which are considered more favorable in nurturing relationships. I guess I really do, do things to just appease rather than benefit some relationships where I have experienced less than consistent returns.

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RubyRaven907 t1_iww70sq wrote

Reply to comment by coyote-1 in Psychologists demonstrate why feeling appreciated is particularly important for avoidantly attached individuals by chrisdh79

I don’t think (for me) it’s about compliments but ACKNOWLEDGING EFFORT. Example: I ALWAYS thank the cook of a meal. I acknowledge their effort. So it makes me resentful and less inclined to make an effort when my teenage boys and husband slurp up a beautiful meal…and don’t acknowledge…ANYTHING? Not a thank you?

If I do a nice thing for someone and they don’t acknowledge it…I tend to not invest effort in them again. I’m not “mad” at them…I’ve just now learned my lesson that they are a poor relationship investment. I might try again if I’m aware they’re not in a good position emotionally but I’m careful.

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RubyRaven907 t1_iwvucuq wrote

Reply to comment by JimmminyCricket in Psychologists demonstrate why feeling appreciated is particularly important for avoidantly attached individuals by chrisdh79

No, I said I START w equal and good intent but once a person proves themselves to be untrustworthy, unreliable, flaky, or generally unappreciating of what I bring to the relationship I tend to become neutral and flat toward that person. I’m caring, warm and nurturing in my relationships otherwise. I was always a stoic and independent child and that’s because I was surrounded by unreliable, unreliable and often volatile adults.

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