Well, I'm not sure what else to tell you...

You say you were a bad person (i'm assuming you fucked up somewhere, sorry If I'm wrong here), she left for a month as a temporary split, then you changed and got back together.

Does this imply the "well, I fucked up once and she took me back, so I should forgive her fuck up and take her back?" kind of feeling for you? Or do you feel different from this?

I honesty have no idea why she's being so indecisive, considering you describe her (from my point of view) is proud and very "self-reliant", when she should be able to make a more "progressive" choice rather than "beat around the bush"

Either way, I'd say it'll be really difficult to get back to where you once were, before this incident happened, and truthfully habe no idea of that can be reached again. How do you currently feel about your trust in her, and her trust in you?

Sounds like you need to divorce and end things amicibly while you still can.

She cheated on you, lied to you, and when caught, she goes "don't leave, but lemme think about hopping around some other guy."

She wants your money, but the romance of another man. That's what she's thinking about, but refuses to tell you because you're still a check to her.

The kids won't suffer as bad through a divorce than when their parents' have made them live a lie their whole lives...