This hit me hard. My SO grew up where her family always kept score. There was never something done purely out of love or because they wanted to do something for the other person. It was always because one person "owed" something to the other.
This translates into our relationship where if she does something for the family or myself, now i owe her something. The only way to make her happy is to always be "even" or not owe anything.
Fast forward 10 years in the relationship and now its to the point that nothing I do is valued enough to ever get me out of her preverbal debt.
ballman17 t1_iwxi5rr wrote
Reply to comment by ginga_bread42 in Psychologists demonstrate why feeling appreciated is particularly important for avoidantly attached individuals by chrisdh79
"I dont want to have to keep score"
This hit me hard. My SO grew up where her family always kept score. There was never something done purely out of love or because they wanted to do something for the other person. It was always because one person "owed" something to the other.
This translates into our relationship where if she does something for the family or myself, now i owe her something. The only way to make her happy is to always be "even" or not owe anything.
Fast forward 10 years in the relationship and now its to the point that nothing I do is valued enough to ever get me out of her preverbal debt.