I agree but how?

I agree that we are probably a bit codependent but there’s no denying we share an incredible amount of love for each other. I haven’t been to therapy recently due to not being able to afford it but I have already booked an appointment following this incident.

Also I have to make it clear that I was already feeling suicidal this wasn’t a ploy to make her stay. I can think rationally now and see how dramatic and ridiculous it all is now but it’s not the first time I have felt extremely suicidal and wanted to act upon it. I will admit the guilt from hurting her and my loneliness made me try to jump out the window as I felt I was a horrible person and did not want to live. I am aware I need help. Have needed it since I was a kid but had emotionally neglectful parents. We both have past trauma and need help to grow as people. Hopefully we can be together again one day but right now I agree that it’s too toxic and harmful.