Did you actually have an honest conversation with him about how you feel - about him and this current moment of your existence? If the answer is no, then from what I can read here you're assuming far too much about how he feels.
You may have omitted some details about how you "pushed him away" but from what you write, he's still reaching out and trying to stay connected with you. Identify what you know and what your anxiety is communicating. Be mindful about these voices. One serves you, the other one assumes and produces worst-case scenarios as absolute truths in order to protect you.
The voice of anxiety does not care about what's true, it cares about avoiding any potential risk and danger. It may have told you he's permanently gone just to make sure you never have to grieve losing a man again.
Take a deep breath.
Disengage mentally, just for a minute, with your family situation. Then, with clarity, think about this:
Has he actively or verbally informed you that he no longer wants to see you?
Shouldn't any sincere and healthy relationship be able to survive the disastrous moments of life?
Are you assuming that you know how he feels? Is your (very understandable) anxiety causing you to make these assumptions?
Are you pulling away out of fear that he truly sees you and all the mess you're in? Are you afraid to truly be seen?
Do you have to be perfect and in a perfect situation in order to be worthy of romantic love?
Once you make up your mind, take another minute to make an informed decision.
If you want him back, your course of action is easy and simple. You just have to tell him so. If he can't take that you're in a rough spot, trust me, he's not worth the effort. And if he rejects you for any other reason, you should still feel empowered because at least you found the courage to follow your heart, to speak honestly and show up for and honor your own emotions with action. That is powerful. Courage is powerful. And being courageous means putting yourself at risk.
If instead you realise you don't really want him back but you're just panicking that you've lost someone who supposedly is nice and you're beating yourself up about a lost opportunity, well... I'm sure I don't have to say more. :-)
In any case, the only thing that helps is to make a concerted effort and a decision to move forward. Either with or without him.
whateverbeaver t1_j8ras3y wrote
Reply to TIFU I have officially succeeded in scaring off someone I really cared about, and I’m so mad at myself and kicking myself for it. 27 F 27 M by [deleted]
Did you actually have an honest conversation with him about how you feel - about him and this current moment of your existence? If the answer is no, then from what I can read here you're assuming far too much about how he feels.
You may have omitted some details about how you "pushed him away" but from what you write, he's still reaching out and trying to stay connected with you. Identify what you know and what your anxiety is communicating. Be mindful about these voices. One serves you, the other one assumes and produces worst-case scenarios as absolute truths in order to protect you.
The voice of anxiety does not care about what's true, it cares about avoiding any potential risk and danger. It may have told you he's permanently gone just to make sure you never have to grieve losing a man again.
Take a deep breath.
Disengage mentally, just for a minute, with your family situation. Then, with clarity, think about this:
Once you make up your mind, take another minute to make an informed decision.
If you want him back, your course of action is easy and simple. You just have to tell him so. If he can't take that you're in a rough spot, trust me, he's not worth the effort. And if he rejects you for any other reason, you should still feel empowered because at least you found the courage to follow your heart, to speak honestly and show up for and honor your own emotions with action. That is powerful. Courage is powerful. And being courageous means putting yourself at risk.
If instead you realise you don't really want him back but you're just panicking that you've lost someone who supposedly is nice and you're beating yourself up about a lost opportunity, well... I'm sure I don't have to say more. :-)
In any case, the only thing that helps is to make a concerted effort and a decision to move forward. Either with or without him.