"Little hut little hut, turn your back to the forest, and to me with your front." I hear someone chanting my home's not so secret password. Next thing I know, the forest is filled with creaking and crashing as my izba positions herself Infront of whoever decided to come visit at four in the afternoon, when I usually enjoy a casual nap.
Understandably cranky, I drag my arthritic knees to the door way, and open the viewing latch. "What?" I snap at the young, blonde haired man Infront of it.
He seems startled by me. "Grandma... Yaga?" He hesitantly asks. "Do I look like a grandma to you, you crosseyed imbecile?" I spit out at him. He stammers"I-I'm sorry, I j-just was looking for t-the witch-" "Well, you found him." I cut him off. I have very little patience for people dumb enough to wake me up from an afternoon nap. "What do you want?"
He swallowed, and tried again. "There's this girl-" "I don't do love potions." I say flatly. "Last time I made it too strong. Corrupted the entire genetic line to keep falling in love with itself." I muttered. Those German bastards still tried coming for me on occasion. Something ending with burg, I think. I'm terrible with names.
"No no, sir!" He shook his head violently. "We are already engaged and in love." He paused, seemingly embarrassed. I decided to take the opportunity. "Well, I'm glad everything is resolved then." And shut the latch.
No sooner did I close the window that he started banging on it. I opened it up again, even more annoyed. "What now?" The exasperated teen looked at mr with shocked eyes. "That was incredibly rude!" He had the audacity to say to me.
"Rude? You think that's rude? I'll tell you what's rude." I shove my right hand through the latch and grab him by the scruff of the neck. " Rude would be barging into someone else's forest clearing, moving their house without permission, incidentally waking them up from a scheduled nap, than demanding they help me with whatever problem I happen to have." I rasped at the youth ashe tried to free himself from my hands. Old though I might be, I could steel crack damascened blades with my bare palms. "In the old days, I'd make you into piroshki for when my nephews comes to visit" I see his deep brown eyes widen in horror, and I smirk, showing off my sharpened steel teeth. "But I've been told that this is frowned upon these days." I let him go and he stumbles back.
He falls on his knees. "I'm sorry sir! Please don't eat me or my future children!" He cackle at that. It's a good cackle that took long practice hours to perfect. "Get up kid." He hurriedly obeys my instructions. "Now, from the start- what do you want, and get to the point."
He nods." My name is Ivan" of course it is. "And I'm engaged to a wonderful girl named Chloe. The thing is" he pauses, gathers breath and proceeds." Her stepmother hates her. Passionately so. And we think she cursed her." He seems embarrassed to say that. Probably didn't believe in curses until recently.
I nod. "What is the effect? What does the curse do?" I ask him. Different curses require different cures which require different payments. "She got sick. Coughing blood constantly. Can't breathe." Sounds like TB to me, I think. "We thought she got tuberculosis" Ivan said, almost as if reading my mind."But twelve doctors found nothing. She's perfectly healthy. Except she's dying." He is crying at this point.
Could be one of a few things. Let's see-" You got something of hers?" He nodded. "Yeah, her favourite pen. Grandma said to bring something she uses a lot." I was about to chide him, but then I saw the pen. It was well used, but still clearly exquisite. The damn thing could likely buy a castle. "Alright, let me see."
Indeed, I see. "She's got a blood curse. Hold on a second." I go through my closet, and come back with three items. "Give the earnings to the stepmother first. She doesn't have to wear them, but she must at least touch them." They are gentle silver earrings with tine sapphires. "Next have Chloe wear this ring, willingly, and have her drink this after six pm, but no later than 9pm." He looked confused. "Not midnight? You sure?"
I give him an annoyed look."You want my help or not?" He nodded once and shut up. "After that, bury the ring. Cemetery grounds would be best, but any hole deeper than two meters." He looked confused. "Look it up. I refuse to acknowledge the imperial system. The French gave very few worthwhile contributions to the world, and I'm not going to ignore one of the most useful ones."
He clearly had no idea how to respond, so he just moved on. "Umm... About the payment... We're fairly rich..." I'd say so. That was one impressive pen." Do I look like I have a use for money?" He swallowed again, harder this time. "Then... What do you want? I ... I can't... I won't let you eat my children..." He says in what probably should have been hard defiance but came out as meek protest.
I give him an incredulous look. "What is it with you and child eating? Projecting, by any chance?" He starts to stammer something that I ignore. " No, I haven't eaten children since the twelfth century, and even that was an accident." Stupid brat fell into my cauldron and snapped his neck while drowning. Ruined that borsch completely. "I want a warm meal delivered every weekday, before twelve but after nine am, for five years. And no repeats within the month." Now it's his turn to look incredulous. "That's...it?" I shrug. "I'm old, rheumatic and still do gardening. Some food each day that I didn't cook will certainly ease my life." I think of something. "Oh, and make it no contact. Hate dealing with people." He eagerly nods and shakes my hand, leaving to cure his lady.
zxcxdr t1_iuha54k wrote
Reply to [WP] You are a witch and you fulfill most stereotypes about witches. You are old, live in a hut in the woods, you brew potions, work both charms and curses and so on. There is only one stereotype you do not fulfill: You are a man. by Kitty_Fuchs
"Little hut little hut, turn your back to the forest, and to me with your front." I hear someone chanting my home's not so secret password. Next thing I know, the forest is filled with creaking and crashing as my izba positions herself Infront of whoever decided to come visit at four in the afternoon, when I usually enjoy a casual nap.
Understandably cranky, I drag my arthritic knees to the door way, and open the viewing latch. "What?" I snap at the young, blonde haired man Infront of it.
He seems startled by me. "Grandma... Yaga?" He hesitantly asks. "Do I look like a grandma to you, you crosseyed imbecile?" I spit out at him. He stammers"I-I'm sorry, I j-just was looking for t-the witch-" "Well, you found him." I cut him off. I have very little patience for people dumb enough to wake me up from an afternoon nap. "What do you want?"
He swallowed, and tried again. "There's this girl-" "I don't do love potions." I say flatly. "Last time I made it too strong. Corrupted the entire genetic line to keep falling in love with itself." I muttered. Those German bastards still tried coming for me on occasion. Something ending with burg, I think. I'm terrible with names.
"No no, sir!" He shook his head violently. "We are already engaged and in love." He paused, seemingly embarrassed. I decided to take the opportunity. "Well, I'm glad everything is resolved then." And shut the latch.
No sooner did I close the window that he started banging on it. I opened it up again, even more annoyed. "What now?" The exasperated teen looked at mr with shocked eyes. "That was incredibly rude!" He had the audacity to say to me.
"Rude? You think that's rude? I'll tell you what's rude." I shove my right hand through the latch and grab him by the scruff of the neck. " Rude would be barging into someone else's forest clearing, moving their house without permission, incidentally waking them up from a scheduled nap, than demanding they help me with whatever problem I happen to have." I rasped at the youth ashe tried to free himself from my hands. Old though I might be, I could steel crack damascened blades with my bare palms. "In the old days, I'd make you into piroshki for when my nephews comes to visit" I see his deep brown eyes widen in horror, and I smirk, showing off my sharpened steel teeth. "But I've been told that this is frowned upon these days." I let him go and he stumbles back.
He falls on his knees. "I'm sorry sir! Please don't eat me or my future children!" He cackle at that. It's a good cackle that took long practice hours to perfect. "Get up kid." He hurriedly obeys my instructions. "Now, from the start- what do you want, and get to the point."
He nods." My name is Ivan" of course it is. "And I'm engaged to a wonderful girl named Chloe. The thing is" he pauses, gathers breath and proceeds." Her stepmother hates her. Passionately so. And we think she cursed her." He seems embarrassed to say that. Probably didn't believe in curses until recently.
I nod. "What is the effect? What does the curse do?" I ask him. Different curses require different cures which require different payments. "She got sick. Coughing blood constantly. Can't breathe." Sounds like TB to me, I think. "We thought she got tuberculosis" Ivan said, almost as if reading my mind."But twelve doctors found nothing. She's perfectly healthy. Except she's dying." He is crying at this point.
Could be one of a few things. Let's see-" You got something of hers?" He nodded. "Yeah, her favourite pen. Grandma said to bring something she uses a lot." I was about to chide him, but then I saw the pen. It was well used, but still clearly exquisite. The damn thing could likely buy a castle. "Alright, let me see."
Indeed, I see. "She's got a blood curse. Hold on a second." I go through my closet, and come back with three items. "Give the earnings to the stepmother first. She doesn't have to wear them, but she must at least touch them." They are gentle silver earrings with tine sapphires. "Next have Chloe wear this ring, willingly, and have her drink this after six pm, but no later than 9pm." He looked confused. "Not midnight? You sure?"
I give him an annoyed look."You want my help or not?" He nodded once and shut up. "After that, bury the ring. Cemetery grounds would be best, but any hole deeper than two meters." He looked confused. "Look it up. I refuse to acknowledge the imperial system. The French gave very few worthwhile contributions to the world, and I'm not going to ignore one of the most useful ones."
He clearly had no idea how to respond, so he just moved on. "Umm... About the payment... We're fairly rich..." I'd say so. That was one impressive pen." Do I look like I have a use for money?" He swallowed again, harder this time. "Then... What do you want? I ... I can't... I won't let you eat my children..." He says in what probably should have been hard defiance but came out as meek protest.
I give him an incredulous look. "What is it with you and child eating? Projecting, by any chance?" He starts to stammer something that I ignore. " No, I haven't eaten children since the twelfth century, and even that was an accident." Stupid brat fell into my cauldron and snapped his neck while drowning. Ruined that borsch completely. "I want a warm meal delivered every weekday, before twelve but after nine am, for five years. And no repeats within the month." Now it's his turn to look incredulous. "That's...it?" I shrug. "I'm old, rheumatic and still do gardening. Some food each day that I didn't cook will certainly ease my life." I think of something. "Oh, and make it no contact. Hate dealing with people." He eagerly nods and shakes my hand, leaving to cure his lady.
Ahh, another satisfied costumer.