I was thinking today, about why I have no motivation to do anything besides low-effort activities like playing video games and watching YouTube. And then I realized (finally) that it's that I derive no pleasure or enjoyment AT ALL from the act of, or after overcoming challenges/difficulties, or anything that involves real effort. Such as learning to code for example, or playing a dark souls type game- as soon as things get hard I check out, because there's nothing there for me except irritation/frustration, and no emotion if I stick with it other than relief that it's over. I'm about to graduate college and I'm not happy or excited at my accomplishment, I don't want to walk, I just want my diploma in the mail so it can be over. It's like I'm completely missing the fundamental drive to overcome and challenge myself that most people seem to have in some capacity or another.

This has been a lifelong thing, and the reason why rarely stick with anything, and why my life has been largely stagnant with me doing whatever is easiest from moment to moment. And I really don't know what to do about it. Does anyone identify with this? How did you overcome it?

Comments

lagomorph90 t1_jebgu0p wrote on March 30, 2023 at 8:14 PM

#2,498,868

Not sure I can totally relate but just wanted to point out that graduating college is an accomplishment. Just curious what was your major, and also do find any meaning in other persuits like relationships? Do you have a significant other?

quazatron48k t1_jebhr8f wrote on March 30, 2023 at 8:20 PM

#2,499,118

To be honest, it sounds like you’re depressed. If you look at your life, is it a bundle of laughs? If not, you may have some baggage weighing you down, you’d be best speaking to a therapist.

RiChessReadit OP t1_jebjjsd wrote on March 30, 2023 at 8:31 PM

#2,499,581

Replying to quazatron48k (#2,499,118)

I do have a therepist I see weekly, and I've been extremely depressed in the past, but I've been "good" for awhile, and I've never found a medication that improves the lack of motivation and general pleasure. Seems like this is just how I am.

RiChessReadit OP t1_jebjrgu wrote on March 30, 2023 at 8:32 PM

#2,499,632

Replying to lagomorph90 (#2,498,868)

Computer Science Engineering, and no I'm perpetually single. Add chasing women to the list of difficult things I've never had to motivation to really do heh.

quazatron48k t1_jebjvar wrote on March 30, 2023 at 8:33 PM

#2,499,657

Replying to RiChessReadit (#2,499,581)

Have you tried low dose 20mg of Citalopram, I noticed it lifted me a little. I don’t take any more because I don’t want to risk zombie-mode like the old meds.

RiChessReadit OP t1_jebo182 wrote on March 30, 2023 at 8:59 PM

#2,500,609

Replying to quazatron48k (#2,499,657)

>Citalopram

I haven't tried Citalopram specifically, but I've tried Lexapro, Prozac, Wellbutrin and Paroxetine. SSRIs make me feel decent for a few days until they really kick in, and then they just completely destroy my energy and what little motivation I have (even at low doses). Wellbutrin worked for about 2 weeks and then just made me really tired.

quazatron48k t1_jebovck wrote on March 30, 2023 at 9:05 PM

#2,500,806

Replying to RiChessReadit (#2,500,609)

Prozac and Paroxetine were evil for me. Citalopram had no side-effects I could detect.

lagomorph90 t1_jebtohm wrote on March 30, 2023 at 9:36 PM

#2,501,971

Replying to RiChessReadit (#2,499,632)

truly just spitballing, but is there a touch of autism in the picture? What is your social life like? Also take some pride in completing a STEM major!

[deleted] t1_jecifgl wrote on March 31, 2023 at 12:32 AM

#2,508,048

Replying to RiChessReadit (#2,499,581)

[deleted]

RiChessReadit OP t1_jecle94 wrote on March 31, 2023 at 12:54 AM

#2,508,848

Replying to [deleted] (#2,508,048)

Pretty shit tbh, I've always struggled with weight and eating healthy, plus I have several other conditions that aren't particularly serious, but do impact my daily functioning and mood. I've lost some serious weight in the past (almost 100lbs), but I always gain it back. It feels impossible for me to sustain anything long term.

Party-Writer9068 t1_jed7x24 wrote on March 31, 2023 at 3:58 AM

#2,515,156

from personal experience i say you are repressing your true feelings. You are stuck in mundane but your heart want to do something else. i suggest break from monotony and do something you truly desire.