anomnnomnom t1_it4won6 wrote on October 20, 2022 at 11:24 PM

It's naive to look at things like this as black and white, people can get stuck in being negative and it can be good to hear a positive spin, alternatively someone might just want to say the negatives going on for them and have them heard and acknowledged and might feel their feelings are not being validated by trying to put a positive spin on it. That's just two possible avenues of which there are many. If someone is assuming that by putting a positive spin on something they said, that you are not comfortable with their sadness, that's a bit of a dick thing to do to assume that, that is their intention.

SkamGnal t1_it5ro23 wrote on October 21, 2022 at 3:17 AM

There’s a distinction here. There are the toxic positivity people. Then there are the always-negative do-nothing people. Two sides of the same coin and both are unbecoming attitudes. I think the post is addressing only the one extreme

Bucket1982 t1_it6p4b8 wrote on October 21, 2022 at 9:53 AM

There are also the, always negative but do plenty people.

jonfun t1_it5fh2a wrote on October 21, 2022 at 1:44 AM

Actually I lost a friend, facebook acquaintance mainly, because their view of the world stayed extremely black & white. Finally called them on it, slight regret. Seemed to almost always be negative about something. 🤷🏻‍♂️

Littleman88 t1_it7bcov wrote on October 21, 2022 at 1:37 PM

It's really about dismissal of someone's feelings and not recognizing it.

Someone having just a negative moment needs compassion, not a positive spin.

Someone comfortable in negative thoughts needs compassion and a positive spin.

The difference here is in the term "silver lining." If you're looking for the silver lining, it's essentially belittling the pain someone is going through as it roughly translates to "please feel better so we can go back to normal." The only person allowed to observe the silver lining is the person feeling upset.

For the people that find comfort in a negative mindset, yeah, you basically have to contend with their glass-half-empty-will-run-out worldview using a glass-half-full-could-be-fuller view and actually show them their worries are misplaced. No one wants to be a glass-half-empty thinker, it's a coping mechanism because they're just tired of feeling like all they ever do is lose and expecting and accepting the next loss ahead of time softens the blow.

opinionated_cynic t1_it7gqq6 wrote on October 21, 2022 at 2:16 PM

“This too shall pass” - if someone says that to me ever again I will slap them. It is so insulting and reductive.

anomnnomnom t1_itc2uva wrote on October 22, 2022 at 2:31 PM

It is not necessarily insulting in and of itself but you felt insulted by someone saying that to you. That's an important distinction to make because you have a choice how you interpret and react to things to a great extent.