Onestone

Submitted by le_bouffon t3_yhd4y1 in Jokes

There once was an Indian who had only one testicle And whose given name was 'Onestone'. He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone. After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said, "If anyone calls me Onestone again, I will kill them!"

The word got around and nobody called him that any more. Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, "Good morning, Onestone!" He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night. He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion. The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do.

Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away. Yellow Bird , who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him and said, "Good to see you, Onestone!" Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, Then he made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day, made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die!

Why??? OH, come on... Take a guess!!! Think about it!!! You're going to love this!!! Everyone knows... You can't kill Two Birds With OneStone !!!

​

Edit: Wooo thanks for the 2K upvotes. And yeah, I know that the delivery of the punchline is really cringe, that's because it's a copy-paste repost and I didn't really bother changing it tbh, so... yeah sorry and have a good day.

2,609

Comments

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[deleted] t1_iud4g5w wrote

[removed]

772

justk4y t1_iudu73r wrote

That’s about to explode too 😏

Edit: It was about Yellowstone

105

Niki_Larson t1_iudyhf6 wrote

hold up... he threatened to kill them, when did this turn into fuck em all to death.. is Mr Garrison onestone?

612

vern0nnai t1_iuerq54 wrote

this literally audibly made me laugh. Fuck em all to death!!!

114

Frenzied_Cow t1_iuebyv4 wrote

The joke is moderately okay but the execution of the punchline is absolutely cringe.

424

Pope00 t1_iuf7tr1 wrote

I’m not sure I would even say moderately okay. It doesn’t make any sense and it isn’t clever. Soon as they introduced a character inexplicably named “blue bird,” I literally rolled my eyes knowing somehow the punchline would involve two birds one stone.

134

BigBulkemails t1_iufev25 wrote

r/dadjokes

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Pope00 t1_iufizt9 wrote

Dad jokes are clever tho. And not overly convoluted.

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celery_tree t1_iufn3dv wrote

actually the punchline is what does it for me

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uncle_tyrone t1_iue32cc wrote

“Made love” you mean he raped her

217

N-methyl-D-aspartate t1_iue4ekk wrote

I get that it's for a joke, but phrasing "kidnapped a woman and raped her to death" as "made love" is a bit off-putting to me.

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jay-jay-baloney t1_iufq1rt wrote

Not to mention, why did they write him as raping them to death? That isn’t even relevant to the joke.

35

Cryovenom t1_iueq50j wrote

As if that's the only problematic part of this joke...

This joke is balls stones

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oskiozki t1_iuf1fb6 wrote

Jeez you destroyed the joke

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indigoHatter t1_iugawj7 wrote

No, but think about it! You know! If I keep speaking, you'll get it better and we can laugh together! You know!

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Zetafunction64 t1_iugwxcu wrote

Op might as well added 'then the villagers fainted and everybody clapped'

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osasuna t1_iue2hu0 wrote

But….the saying is literally “kill two birds with one stone”

160

The_Stein244 t1_iuecj2x wrote

Yeah he should have killed the first two and then there was a third "Redbird" with the punchline "you can only kill two birds with Onestone!"

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Pope00 t1_iuf8cdh wrote

The joke is incredibly stupid and nonsensical for numerous reasons. That’s definitely one of them. Like there’s some goofy explanation for why he’s named Onestone and zero explanation why there’s women named “Bird.” Other than being “Indian.”

Which is almost racist. I originally read this as “Indian” meaning from India.

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godlytoast3r t1_iufcu45 wrote

i really dont think its racist, those are realistic names and theyre not degrading. i still think the joke couldve been better lol. i also thought india indian too tho, shoulda said native americans just for claritys sake. or used the word tribe early on at the very least

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Pope00 t1_iufo6ua wrote

almost racist. While native Americans do willingly accept the term Indian, in context, it makes sense to say “native American.” I wouldn’t say I’m dumb, but it took me a minute to get it was Indian meaning Native American and not someone from India.

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godlytoast3r t1_iug404p wrote

i think i kinda glossed over the word almost lolz or took it as "basically" in a rush sory

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Brows-gone-wild t1_iugbyzr wrote

I mean I wouldn’t say you’re smart if you couldn’t figure out that they meant Native American from the context immediately lmao

1

Archelon_ischyros t1_iufatkp wrote

Your last paragraph completely ruins any hope of this being a funny joke. Just let the punchline rest on its own merits.

95

LilBigDaddy-Kevan t1_iued8n6 wrote

Downvote for the “Think about it!!! You’re going to love this!!!” Bullshit. That is the most annoying thing you can do…

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WakandaFoevah t1_iudj1ij wrote

Why Indian though

30

SC_Nico74 t1_iudu60v wrote

So we could have the English translated version of a First Nation name, and thus a joke.

36

xiphia t1_iudtwss wrote

I assume because Blue Bird, Yellow Bird, and One Stone sound somewhat like native American names.

21

[deleted] t1_iudx5az wrote

[deleted]

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sparrr0w t1_iue3gc1 wrote

It is not that black and white. Native Americans prefer the Indian term. I'd look more into it. I was surprised too

5

Iz-kan-reddit t1_iuek2u0 wrote

Many people in that demographic prefer the term Indian.

I find it pretty fucking offensive to ignore their personal preferences in the matter.

4

talondarkx t1_iuezhny wrote

Not from others though - internally

0

Iz-kan-reddit t1_iuezymf wrote

>Not from others though - internally

Hardly. There's plenty of Indians that proudly wish to be called Indians by outsiders.

There's also plenty of Native Americans that proudly wish to be called Native Americans by outsiders.

There's even First Nation members that proudly wish to be called First Nations members by outsiders, although that's pretty uncommon in the US.

4

rikuzero1 t1_iuf6pg0 wrote

So that the people in the joke can be named things that are basically titles encompassing their identity, which Native/Indigenous Americans were known for.

People nowadays still call them Indians despite them being called that was from a mistake by Englishmen who expected to be traveling to India, not some entirely new continent in between. It's like a slang meme like "gay" but hundreds of years old.

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lowprofileX99 t1_iufp3q5 wrote

Then Onestone grabbed OP and took him to the forest…

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murderopolis t1_iuekdmx wrote

I spent most of the joke trying to gauge whether you meant Indian or native American

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Lincoln2120 t1_iueywfs wrote

FYI I live in an area with a large population of American Indians/Native Americans. While it’s most common to simply use the name of the particular tribe if your are identifying someone, “Indian” is the most common catchall term (and i think that recent polls show that a lot of American Indians/Native Americans disfavor the term “Native American).

I get that if you’re not in an area where American Indians comprise a large portion of the population (which is most of the world) that Indian may be more likely to refer to South Asian Indian, so no quibbles with your point in that regard. But just wanted to clarify that “Indian” is not an unusual way to refer to American Indians/Native Americans as a catchall when a particular tribal name is not used.

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ChurninButters t1_iug4d35 wrote

This is the worst joke I've ever seen on here, and you assholed up the punchline too. What a fuckin knob

12

princhester t1_iug4mct wrote

>Why??? OH, come on... Take a guess!!! Think about it!!! You're going to love this!!! Everyone knows...

No, no, no, no, no. You never, ever talk up the punchline of a joke. Never. Punchlines work by sudden-ness and clean delivery. You ruined it.

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CurrencyManager t1_iufmh7l wrote

The detail that she was a cousin was inconsequential and therefore should have been omitted.

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Sunshinexpress t1_iuft3oc wrote

Some red herrings are better than others. This one probably couldn’t cut down a mighty tree.

3

glocalsaint t1_iudg509 wrote

I thought this is something about Einstein

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how_to_multi t1_iudo3co wrote

Onestone has better libido than most men with two stones

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MEBBAR t1_iugsow9 wrote

How does this have 2000 upvotes, it’s a lazy repost ruined by the last paragraph and it’s a horrible joke

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Footnuggets t1_iuhcc82 wrote

Because some 2 iq people think this is actually funny

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YeOldeWelshman t1_iuglc48 wrote

God that was a disappointing punchline.

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Mundane-Fan2302 t1_iudg02r wrote

I was waiting for a punchline related to Einstein. Got something else, and it was funny. Nice one.

4

issadumpster t1_iue1bcv wrote

I saw this coming the second I saw "Blue Bird".

4

meowserverboom t1_iufoqiy wrote

I'm currently dating two anorexic girls.... Two birds one stone

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No-BrowEntertainment t1_iugndoa wrote

Usually I'm not against joke reposting but you've actually made this one worse

3

el3mel t1_iugx76b wrote

Awful punchline.

2

Camlach777 t1_iuh6a89 wrote

If you bother with editing, just edit the punchline

2

edmiidz t1_iuf086q wrote

I love Siri's pronunciation of his name. Sounds almost like "Honest own"

1

Sn0w_L30p4rd t1_iuh8zwt wrote

You can't kill two birds with Onestone, but you can kill more than two. And the punchline was horrific

1

Footnuggets t1_iuhc7e3 wrote

Oh… guess what! You are gonna love this! Oh this is a doozy! Can you guess? Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Ah! Aa! AAAAAAAH! Help!! someone help! Please! I’ll do anything!! Please don’t hurt me u/Footnuggets !! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

1

LANSknecht t1_iujt2et wrote

Well, he had both in his hand, but he banged two in the bush.

1

Grolschisgood t1_iufdvga wrote

I used to play footy when I was a kid and their was this other kid on another team who's nickname was 1ers coz he only had one nut. Pretty good at footy really

0

gigaswardblade t1_iug9fk3 wrote

I was about to ask why this story was about an Indian kid specifically, but then I remembered that people STILL to this day call native Americans “Indians”

0

icdogg t1_iugsigw wrote

I kinda like this shaggy dog story

0

take_XD_care t1_iuh0rr2 wrote

Because it's a sin to kill a mockingbird

0

_Vortex_King_ t1_iudcspo wrote

Lol, didn't see that one coming

−2

betam4x t1_iud6q7w wrote

Take my upvote you nerd! 🤣

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