Woman cheats on her husband

Submitted by Jpgamerguy90 t3_zymzrk in Jokes

A woman is cheating on her husband and her husband comes home early. In a panic her lover hides in the closet. While hiding in the closet he hears a voice "Sure is dark in here."

The man panics and turns and finds a little boy. "What're you doing in here?"

"I like hiding, what were you doing with mommy?"

"Nothing,"

"Doesn't look like it, I'm gonna tell daddy."

"Is there anything I can do to keep you quiet kid?"

"I got a baseball glove, do you want to buy it"

The man, with no real time to contemplate, nods. "Sure."

"300!"

"That's outrageous, I refuse,"

"I'm gonna tell dad,” the boy said.

The man quickly agrees and pays the boy.

A few days later the woman and her lover are in the throes of passion when the husband again returns home early. The man once again heads to the closet where he hears the same voice, "Sure is dark in here."

The man turns and the same boy is staring at him. "What were you doing with mommy?"

"nothing."

"doesn't look like it, I'm gonna tell daddy you came here."

"Look I can't get caught is there anyway you can keep this quiet?"

"I got a baseball."

The man sighs, "How much?"

"400!"

"That's more than the glove no way."

"I'll tell dad.”

The man quickly agrees to pay the boy.

A few days later the mom and dad are in the kitchen when the boy walks in. "Hey son, do you wanna go play catch?"

"I can't I sold my glove and ball."

The dad is suprised, "For how much?"

"700."

"That's ridiculous," the mom shouts, "You tricked someone into paying way too much for a glove and ball, I'm taking you to confession."

On that Sunday after service the boy walks into the confession booth.

"Sure is dark in here."

"Oh no don't you start that shit again."

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Comments

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matanneeman t1_j26s23y wrote

Young boy in the shower with his mommy asks, ‟Momma, what’s that hairy thing between your legs?”

‟it is my sponge”, she replies.

Kid says, ‟Yeah, the baby sitter has one too. I saw her washing daddy’s face with it last night.”

847

tallyhall10987- t1_j28vhhz wrote

Damn you need to be clean but not like this you're more dirty than your soul 😆

139

SemenaristSatani t1_j26re6c wrote

Hahahaha, a priest having sex with a woman who's over 18. Two jokes in one.

657

Bubbly-Wolverine-206 t1_j26xmaw wrote

A priest having sex with a woman, a married woman, and a woman over 18. That makes 3 jokes haha

200

spad3x t1_j289xwl wrote

A priest having sex with a woman, a married woman, a woman over 18, and a religious woman that's cheating on her husband. That makes 4 jokes haha

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ExtremeGaming18 t1_j28xnnr wrote

A priest having sex with a woman, a married woman, a woman over 18, and a religious woman that's cheating on her husband, and the priest not having sex with the young boy. Thats 5 jokes hahah

34

OverallManagement824 t1_j293fg9 wrote

Religious women cheat all the time. Just like the religious men do. Their religion gives them a free pass to do horrible shit because "God will forgive them". If you think about that, it's a horrible message. No, there is no god that will forgive your sins. If you are an asshole, everybody will know you're an asshole and you will someday die an asshole and be buried as an asshole and your god is make-believe, so you'll just be an asshole for eternity and that will be your only legacy on Earth. So consider your actions wisely.

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PancakesandV8s t1_j29tglj wrote

no, the message is: God will forgive them if they truly repent.

Repenting includes: knowing you fucked up, admitting to yourself you fucked up and that you shouldn't have fucked up.

It isn't a like a Presidential Pardon for your soul just because.

however, most Christians don't get that deep into bible study anyway, so you have an excellent point.

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nnsomniac t1_j29v0ho wrote

Guys there is no God because u/OverallManagement824 said so!!

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OverallManagement824 t1_j2a2d93 wrote

That's not the reason.

0

BigMouse12 t1_j2a67vu wrote

This is r/jokes and you just got really serious like it’s r/Christianity

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OverallManagement824 t1_j2a6ilg wrote

You're right. Sometimes I forget which sub I'm in. Especially when I'm bouncing from one to the next.

0

funkyonion t1_j2aasll wrote

You sound like an asshole.

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OverallManagement824 t1_j2ab4dc wrote

Well, since this is a joke sub -

Exactly how often have you put your ear up to a butthole?

2

BigMouse12 t1_j2a61no wrote

You mean women cheat all the time, just like men do. It’s not like religion makes people more or less likely to cheat. But I get your follow up that religious people will take high ground on based in empty words. Non-repeople will to of course, but at least their self-superiority and self-righteousness is upfront and not hiding behind a deity.

1

PillarsofCreation76 t1_j2a7kzz wrote

I don’t agree, but man… perspective! This is an excellent statement that’s funny on the back end.

1

ItBeMe_For_Real t1_j29duh0 wrote

My first thought too. But it’s actually not uncommon. Just not very scandalous or illegal so not newsworthy. Being from a large catholic family I’ve known a few couples where one or both were priest or nun who fell in love & left the clergy. Basically choosing love over your job. Hell, there are corporate jobs where dating co-worker can get you fired.

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mrkhan2000 t1_j284030 wrote

nobody said anything about the women being over 18

3

[deleted] t1_j29yzmr wrote

A Husband and Wife want to get it on one afternoon, but their 7 year old son is home. To get around this issue the Dad tells his son to go out on the balcony of the apartment and yell at them what he sees. The son goes out on the balcony and Mom and Dad race into the bedroom to start getting it on.

The son starts yelling at them:

"Mrs.Johnson is walking her dog!" He yells.

"That's Great!" replies the Father, while he pounds his wife on the bed. "What else do you see?"

"The Smiths are unloading their groceries!" He exclaims.

"That's great son!" The Father answers, trying to hurry before his son gets bored and comes back inside. "What else is happening?"

"Well," says the boy "The Lees are having sex!"

The Father and Mother both stop right in the middle of the act, staring at each other in confusion.

"How do you know that Son?" Asks the Father.

"Their kid is out on the balcony!" The boy answers.

208

Prior-Evening-95 t1_j26wsis wrote

>"I'm gonna tell mom," the boy said.

Shouldn't this be "I'm gonna tell dad"

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Jpgamerguy90 OP t1_j26wye8 wrote

Yes thank you. Typing on a cell phone can be a hassle I missed it. Thanks

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Prior-Evening-95 t1_j26xaqz wrote

No problem! I love this joke and I read it through thinking something seemed off. Took a second time before I caught what it was. Cheers!

16

Phatsam1987 t1_j28zrzm wrote

You should have just copy pasted from the last 900 times this was posted

−3

joeatlantic91 t1_j26swam wrote

So the kid was watching his mother have sex?

60

bannedSnoo t1_j27q39m wrote

Given the guy was a priest. "better them than me."

1

Kiwidad43 t1_j28pb9y wrote

About the fourth time I’ve seen this joke.

17

RanCestor t1_j2b54sz wrote

Throw me a bone, skeleton in the closet!

2

Due_Restaurant_8045 t1_j2afspo wrote

A politician and a prostitute are on a date. The prostitute says “hi my name is Jenny and I’m a virgin” the politician says “hi my name is Paul and I’m honest”

1

CarlJustCarl t1_j299r5d wrote

My great grandpa told my grandpa this one back in the depression

0

rafxel t1_j2a1zol wrote

What's the number of this one?

−1

Pigeon-Spy t1_j29l42d wrote

Is it a translation of a russian joke? Hear it a while ago

−5

Shailija_Patudi t1_j28mgmt wrote

such a silly and stupid thing to be posted on here

−26

not_azazeal t1_j29aupv wrote

Yeah sure this sub is made for serious and highly intellectual things, they must have forgor

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TempoMortigi t1_j29ifbn wrote

Gosh you’re so right. Of ALL the places on Reddit to post a joke. Here of ALL places in r/jokes

6