At your age I'd recommend start working out and see a therapist. Read more too. This doesn't happen overnight or in a week. There ain't no book or pill that will alter you deeply. It's a process called life. You haven't learned from your last or there are obvious reasons from your last why you became you. Now it's time for loving yourself in a healthy way. Becoming a man. I know, weird term but you get what I'm saying. I'm in my 40s. Therapy helped change my life along with all the work I had to do. I'm a single dad. So I also know I have to be a good example.