Hello self. It’s hard to not overreact sometimes. I don’t know what it is but you have to have a way to remind yourself while you’re angry that this isn’t how you want to act when you’re angry. This may sound weird but plan in advance how you’d like to act when you’re angry and at least start putting that into your subconscious. When I get angry I was to speak in this tone and phrase things more like this. Run through it in your head a couple times and keep it holstered. Another way might be to think of people you know that handle situations really well. Maybe someone you admire for being so calm and collected. Try to act more like how you think they’d act.

Put your energy into being as honest as possible. Practice describing, in words, why their actions/mistakes make you feel a certain way. Do you regret your reaction because it doesn’t ever bring any resolution or results? If your honesty falls on deaf ears, maybe your distance will spark some change for the better. Hope that helps.

Finding a therapist would be the best move here.

Read a good book on anger management. Get some counseling. You’ve taken the first step.

You're using your family as an emotional tampon. You believe you can selfishly drop toxic baggage using a construct of "something they did" excuse with the misguided belief they can take it into perpetuity.

Ask yourself this simple question: If a total stranger walked up to you. And said...what you said.. to your family members how long would you keep them around?

Identify what feelings are below that anger. Does it make you feel disrespected? Out of control? Hurt? Look up the anger iceberg. Seems childish but is helpful to focus on on what it is that makes you so upset.

Good for you for seeking help. Try to ignore the comments that are pure judgement and no advice.

You need to ask yourself - why you get so mad over mistakes? Maybe you were brought up in an environment that wasn’t safe to make mistakes in? If so, you’re now making your house an environment that isn’t safe to make mistakes in. You have to talk to yourself. Tell yourself you want to break the pattern. Tell yourself everyone makes mistakes. Tell yourself you should have been allowed to make mistakes in the past. Tell the person you lost your temper with that you’re sorry and all the things I listed above.

Find a therapist

There is a podcast I listened to while I walked that helped me a lot, “That emotional crap”

I honestly may need to listen it it again as a refresher. I deal with the same, be open with yourself and others about your feelings. It’s usually your bad mood building because you suppress so much. Be open and honest

You’ve gotten some great advice so far. But I’d like to point out that we don’t know your current financial situation - so for those who have suggested talking to a therapist that might not be possible currently as a session can run a couple hundred dollars depending on where you’re located if you don’t have the funds to do so.

A cheap and effective way is to just read some self help books on anger management - you can check them out for free at your local library. When I was in high school I got and read most of all the self help books from the library by my school and I truly believed most of those books helped shaped how I approach a lot of things in my life as an adult.

Also, my last advice which I always found to be quick and effective is just to literally walk away from situation to remove yourself from whatever is frustrating you to avoid making things worse. For example, your sibling spills some water on you as oppose to shouting at them and yelling obscenities- you could just excuse yourself and go into a different room to give yourself time to calm down.

I have a younger brother whom I haven’t spoken to in almost 6 years because of his inability to control his anger. One day during an argument (over text of all places) something inside of me just died toward him and I haven’t looked back. I have a daugther now whom I have tried hard to keep away from him. We see each other at family gatherings but I no longer acknowledge him.

Only you can control how you behave and respond around others. And they are in control of whether or not they wish to be around you.

Think through what a good reaction would be for some common situations and remind yourself often of exactly what you will do in that situation. It’s usually the same types of things over and over, so your reactions are more habitual than anything. Have some new reactions prepared, and after a while your habitual reaction will be more like you want.

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Don't react, respond.

It's rare for a person to go from 0 to 100 over a single incident.

Some continuing situation in your life is keeping you at 99 at all times and then a minor irritation with your family pushes you over the edge every time.

Find a good therapist and start unpacking whatever it is that's keeping your anger on the edge of explosion. Do it soon because one by one, your close people will start deciding you're not worth the trouble and will begin distancing themselves from you.

Your reaction is anger

But try to name the first emotion It may be fear Frustration Loss of something valuable like time or health Disrespected or not listened to

Name the emotion First few time s you will do it retro spectively

Then you will get quicker

Then you will recognise the emotion and deal with that in a productive- non destructive way

Something that helped me not get angry at my family in general was to realize that they're just people.

Growing up with them we constructed a notion that they are wiser, smarter, more experienced. I used to think the same and whenever they said something wrong or misinformed I would get angry. How could someone "so smart" say something"so stupid". If I put them in the same category as "other random people" it immediately diffuses this "halo" around them that I constructed as a child. They know some things and are better at some things than me, just like any random person is, but they're not perfect.

Another realization along the same lines is that because they're family they will do what's in my best interests, because I'm their family. This is rarely the case. If I think of them as people who care about me but remove the "debt" element from our relationship, e.g. they should listen to me, they should help me (because I'm family), it becomes a lot easier to manage the relationship. They care about me, yes, but they don't necessarily owe me anything.

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My dad is the king of boomer faux pas. T shirt tucked into above-the-knee jean shorts. White New Balance sneakers with tube socks. Aqua Socks anytime a body of water is within 1000 feet. The Fanny pack is now a cell phone clipped onto his belt. Shouting into speaker phone all the time, anywhere. And the puns… oh the puns…

Very kind and polite man. Loving, supportive, sober, even-tempered father figure. Refuses to take any advice about how to not be a cringe lord. The more he refuses my pleading desperate attempts to help him, the more furious I get.

It has been this way since I was 12. I’m pretty much 40 now.

Deal with your own problems instead of projecting them onto others

Stop behaving like a child.