windyx

windyx t1_ja7haod wrote

Reply to LPTR: I get disproportionately angry whenever somebody in my immediate family does something wrong and always end up regretting my reaction. how can I control myself in the moment? by roastedpepper17

Something that helped me not get angry at my family in general was to realize that they're just people.

Growing up with them we constructed a notion that they are wiser, smarter, more experienced. I used to think the same and whenever they said something wrong or misinformed I would get angry. How could someone "so smart" say something"so stupid". If I put them in the same category as "other random people" it immediately diffuses this "halo" around them that I constructed as a child. They know some things and are better at some things than me, just like any random person is, but they're not perfect.

Another realization along the same lines is that because they're family they will do what's in my best interests, because I'm their family. This is rarely the case. If I think of them as people who care about me but remove the "debt" element from our relationship, e.g. they should listen to me, they should help me (because I'm family), it becomes a lot easier to manage the relationship. They care about me, yes, but they don't necessarily owe me anything.

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