SkyezOpen t1_j9n9jnl wrote on February 23, 2023 at 4:35 AM

Reply to comment by Dothwile in [WP] It's a beautiful wedding in a D&D world; the couple at the altar, exchanging their vows, the spell of Ceremony being cast to marry the lovers. As the priests asks for any objections to the wedding spell, a single word is yelled loud and clear. "COUNTERSPELL!" by BurnedBadger

Loved the jokes, especially their first mission being killing rats in a dungeon. I'm not a writer so I can't help you much there, but this bit is grammatically awkward.

>At that point their resident tiefling, Breisis, was a scrappy rogue, her village destroyed she had taken up adventuring to get revenge.

You also love commas a lot. I definitely identify with that. I had to make a conscious effort to break up sentences while writing school papers when I realized I would write entire half page paragraphs composed of 2 complete sentences. Consider breaking longer sentences up or varying punctuation to improve the flow.

BethsMagickMoment t1_j9nekpj wrote on February 23, 2023 at 5:23 AM

I agree with the coma’s. My teacher said that I had coma-itas lol. Still have it to be honest.

Mika112799 t1_j9r3f08 wrote on February 23, 2023 at 11:25 PM

I, too, have the comma curse.

Dothwile t1_j9rljiq wrote on February 24, 2023 at 1:35 AM

That's very fair. I usually underestimate how much one sentence can flow into the next and end up gluing my thoughts together into run-ons. Glad to hear you liked the jokes!