When those two drug-addled humans agreed to provide a sacrifice in exchange for having their burgeoning debts paid off, I wasn't expecting a small human in a cheap, tattered flower girl dress knocking at my door.

"I'm Jane. Daddy said you bought me, and I'm your bride now."

I am absolutely certain I made myself clear that I no longer accepted human sacrifices. My instincts told me they peddled her over to me in a bid to get rid of her to continue their debauchery. Nonetheless, I had accepted their offering for fear they would approach a less merciful god. I thought I could perhaps try my hand at parenting for the very first time in thousands of years. Some of my followers were parents; surely I could pick up some good advice and tips.

But she was here as a child bride. Did they think of me as some kind of pedophile, that I would marry rather than adopt this small girl?

Take deep breaths. Try to lower myself so I don't excessively tower over her, and hide my tentacles beneath my robes. Checked my face in the mirror to ensure I looked mostly human and comprehensible. I pushed open the doors when I was ready to talk to her.

"Hello Jane, do you want to come in first for some tea and cakes?"

She remained standing outside, twiddling her thumbs and staring at her feet.

"I'm not going to hurt you, and I'm not going to actually marry you or make you my bride. In fact, you can have this credit card and go live your life. But first, you look like you could come in for some tea. If you need anything else, just let me know."

She convinced me to promise never to try to pawn her off again. Apparently, it wasn't the first time her parents tried to sell her, but I was the first blockhead to actually agree and let her live with me. I feel for her, my own father had disowned me too, eons ago. I would take this chance to be a better father than my old man.

My followers were very insistent that I was to find her kind, loving, and may I emphasize, HUMAN adoptive parents. They said an eldritch god could not fully understand what it means to love another. I think they're right, I've only tried dating on Tinder recently, and the tenets of romance and love mostly elude me still. But I'll do my best for her.

Jane was determined to stay by my side, and I was equally adamant about signing the adoption papers to be her father.

They relented when I told them, unlike human parents, she will never fear outliving me. I can always be there every step of the way in her life. I could do everything in my power to ensure she lives a naturally long and fulfilling human life.

It's not that hard, I think. A human lifespan to me is what a mayfly is to humans. Brief, fleeting, but possibly impactful.

But most of all, barely anyone would try to hurt or mess with her under my watch. Not even a god of death could claim her before her time, I would fight Death to keep her on this earth until she was of a ripe old age for a human.