When the charming, doe-eyed little boy in the cardboard armor approached the holy god, pumping one fist in the air and raising his toy sword triumphantly with his other hand, Dominicus found it hard to resist inviting the boy into one of his nearest guilds.

"I'm a hero! Do you know where the bad guys are?" piped the little boy.

Dominicus nodded and hoisted the boy on his shoulder, carrying him past the gilded doors of gold. He dropped the boy onto the carpet in his office and his secretary Glenda wheeled two chairs in for them to sit. He snapped his fingers twice and Glenda brought him a list of contacts.

"Nezirich? That boring lich already refused me once. Retired for millennia, he insists. At least I got a forbidden tome out of that visit." Dominicus frowned.

"Would you like to consider the Demon King Voragus?" Glenda offered.

Voragus it is. It was time he called in that favor when he had chosen to spare Voragus' life so he could live to see his daughter grow up.

"Greetings Voragus. This is Dominicus the Holy Blade, God-hero of the Holy Inquisition. I have a hero who wishes for the chance to vanquish evil..."

"Do I get to crush your hero like a bug?" asked Voragus over the line.

In the Holy Inquisition's office, the wannabe boy-hero had spun around so many times on the swivel chair he was emitting unhappy dizzy noises before he fell down with a loud thud. Glenda activated the on-hold music to cover for the noises, trying her best to hide from Voragus that there was a child in the room.

"Oh ho ho, is the Holy Blade of the Inquisition now babysitting?" Voragus let out a boisterous laugh.

"Look, the hero coming after you is 10, can you just play along and let him win?" Dominicus could already imagine the massive eye rolls Voragus must be doing right now. On all 12 of his eyes.

"No can do, Nicky. I have a reputation to maintain. I refuse to throw a fight with a dinky little 10-year-old kid. What will my minions ever think of me? Fuck off, I ain't playing games with your kid. Pick an older, sensible hero or something and I might reconsider."

"Mind your language, Demon King, I have the kid just nearby within an earshot. He just needs an illusion of winning. We can do it in neutral ground, a location where none of your minions can see you lose. I'll arrange something and my secretary will keep you posted with further details."

Glenda presented a proposal she quickly drafted while her god was on the phone when he hung up. Dominicus sighed and signed it off.

So it was agreed upon by all parties. The boy hero would barge into the church, the doors would open on cue for him, and he would run up to the Demon King Voragus, who stood upon the stage, defiling the church altar with his evil energies. All while two gods observed from the upper balcony of the church.

With a snap of the holy god's fingers, a bright light shone from the toy sword, blinding Voragus as he tried to dodge-roll out of the way, flattening several church pews in the process.

"You will be footing the bill for any damages to my church, won't you?" Elvari asked as he slid a plate of papal cakes toward Dominicus with a tentacle.

He clenched his fists and nodded solemnly, refusing to touch his cup of tea on the balcony's edge.

"Dominicus, I did not poison the tea. It is safe to drink."

Never trust an eldritch, Dominicus told himself. Especially one who has a million-dollar bounty he himself had placed. "Ironic", came a low whisper that invaded his mind. "You trusted me to provide the venue, did you not?"

"Do not mock me, eldritch horror. My monster slayers once successfully dismembered you and left your soul drifting in limbo for many years until your head priest revived you."

The boy kicked high in the air a few meters away from Voragus, who did an exaggerated backflip and flopped down to the ground dramatically, his heavy mass leaving branching cracks on the floor and shattering several floor tiles. Voragus picked himself up and did a running headbutt, only to miss by a mile and ram into a pillar, which creaked and cracked, before collapsing on the Demon King. There he lay on the floor helpless, "dizzy and winded" from the collision as the boy hero slowly approached his target.

"This is going to cost you." Elvari narrowed his eyes and Dominicus averted his gaze from the extensive damage that was taking place below the balcony. "You could have just asked me! I can play this game without breaking a sweat! Or any furniture. Voragus doesn't like losing to a kid, and he's clearly venting his frustrations on my furniture."

Dominicus took a deep breath and gulped. He couldn't argue at all.

As the freshly victorious boy-hero stood over the "fallen" Demon King and cheered, Dominicus groaned as Elvari gleefully swiped the former's credit card and keyed in an exorbitant amount that was going to take the Holy Inquisition years to recoup.