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blackbird223 t1_jc5iezf wrote

Reply to comment by Blu_Spirit in [TT] Theme Thursday - Journalism by AliciaWrites

Hey Blu_Spirit, thanks for the crit!

I'm going to ask you a question. How much did I actually describe Shahid and the compound, and how much did I let the reader fill in? I don't believe I described the compound that much, and the only concrete details I gave of Shahid's appearance were his height (6'4" or 193 cm) and build ("giant").

Thanks for pointing out that paragraph, though. It contained a lot of exposition awkwardly crammed into a very small space, and your suggestion got me to come up with a much better- and even more concise- formulation.

I now explain why Keener, the sniper, is credited with saving Shahid: she shot the guy who was about to execute him. That said, she's definitely the best shot, and probably the brains of the squad- snipers have to do a surprising amount of math to line up their shot. Honestly, I wish I could have talked more about Keener, but it just didn't feel right for this story. I've had both her and Shahid in my head for way, way too long, and I'm a bit glad I finally got to put them down on (virtual) paper.

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Blu_Spirit t1_jc8bi6x wrote

I think that your descriptions of both the compound and Shahid were perfect. Clear enough to get us started, but not overloading us. Even some of the way he walks, and the background, adds to the mental imagery of his character. As does little things like the compound having an execution spot away from the buildings, which probably have small, blacked out windows to limit light. His ability to take out three soldiers using his camera as a weapon only adds to the idea of his physique - I picture someone strong and agile.

Perhaps they can come up in some other stories, because I would love to see more of these characters.

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