Tregonial t1_jd31w0c wrote
Andy: Greetings! Supernatural tech support service center. I'm Andy, how may I help you today?
Medusa: I think I may have bricked my laptop. Would you be able to help with that? I can send you a screenshot, I am borrowing Arachne's laptop to contact you.
Andy: My lady! That's solid stone all around your laptop! I thought you only turn people to stone when they look at you! Would you be able to retrace how that happened?
Medusa: I'm not sure, the last thing I did was argue with Perseus about how rude it is to punt a lady's head after decapitating it. Next thing I know, my laptop turned to stone!
Andy: Don't sweat it, my lady! Bring your laptop to your nearest service center, and we will assign a dwarf to mine your laptop out of that hard rock!
--ticket number 10009--
Dwarf Engineer Andvari has reported that the stoning affected only external components. Laptop has been successfully mined out of the stone and returned to customer fully fuctional.
--ticket closed--
Andy: Greetings! Supernatural tech support service center. I'm Andy, how may I help you today?
Ares: FIX LAPTOP NOW.
Andy: Please specify your problem so we may better diagnose your laptop problems.
Ares: SMASHED IT. LOKI IS FUCKING CHEATER. HACKER. AUTO AIM PUSSY. NOW LAPTOP DOES NOT TURN ON.
Andy: Ares, I may not be able to advise you over the phone. Please send your laptop down to your nearest service center for repairs. If our dwarf engineers deem the damage too severe, you may consider buying a new laptop.
Ares: THROW IT TO YOU. MUST CATCH.
Andy: Ares, please, that is very dangerous. Please be informed that it is a criminal offense to be violent towards our staff.
Ares: I WILL WALK.
--ticket 10010--
Dwarf Engineer Fargrim has deemed the damage too severe to repair. Customer laptop is within warranty period. Replacement laptop will be sent to customer address in one week's time. We will not replace laptop if customer smashes it again.
--ticket closed--
Andy: Greetings! Supernatural tech support service center...Whoa it has been a long while since you last came by our service center! You really should be getting out more often and getting some real, actual sunlight, not the illusionary stuff. You don't look so good today.
Gwyndolin: I requesth thy assistance to set up content control web filters on these covenant laptops.
Andy: Any particular websites or content you wish to block your covenant members from accessing?
Gwyndolin: A 'chosen undead' who recently joined mine covenant has been spreading R34 pictures of me. Thou shalt block these websites here in this list provided. If thou art a true discipline of the Dark Sun, thou shalt Hunteth these heretics.
Andy: I'm afraid the latter request is beyond me, we ain't in Anor Londo. Also, PVP isn't allowed here in this support center. I can definitely help with the website filters though. Would you be able to come back to collect these laptops before we close shop today?
Gwyndolin: I shalt return tomorrow morning. I have an evening appointment with Sulyvahn.
Andy: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Gwyndolin: Thou shalt not shout in such an offensive manner. Pray tell, what thy know of Sulyvahn.
Andy: I played over 1000 hours of Dark Souls 3!!! I...I'll see you tomorrow. Please come to pick up the laptops tomorrow please.
--ticket 10011--
Website content filters have been set up as per customer specifications on all laptops. Pending customer collection.
--UPDATE--
Customer has not returned to collect the laptops for over 3 months and has not responded to phone calls, emails and snail mail reminders. Ticket has been automatically closed.
--ticket closed--
still_thinking_ t1_jd3gw34 wrote
These were great. Of course you’ve only made us thirsty for more. You should take requests!
Tregonial t1_jd3l6yr wrote
Please send in a ticket or request and our customer service representative will get back to you soonest. Our dwarf engineers provide the best tech services in the supernatural multiverse!
If you liked our services, please remember to like and subscribe! If you will be so kind, do assist us to fill up our customer service feedback form and let us know how we are doing!
Thank you!
still_thinking_ t1_jd3roak wrote
—Request Submission Form #1—
Client name: Triton
Product: Tablet
Issue: Water damage
—Request Submission Form #2—
Client name: Cyclops
Product: Smartphone
Issue: Facial recognition won’t work
Customer Service Review:
“Best service I have found! Today’s technology is unnecessary cumbersome and complex, but these guys know their stuff!”
-Bigfoot
Tregonial t1_jd624y0 wrote
Andy: Greetings! Supernatural tech support service center. I'm Andy, how may I help you today?
Triton: Aye my tablet has these strange water droplets inside the screen, but I can't wipe them off! Attached screenshot here.
Andy: Hi Triton! Please check the Liquid Detection Indicator, perhaps you may have water inside your tablet. For your tablet model, the LDI is located inside your SIM card slot.
Triton: Pallas! Are you free? Come help your old man locate this S-I-M card thingy.
Andy: Hi Pallas! I'm Andy! Do you require assistance in locating the SIM card slot?
Pallas: I'm good, I'm not my father. The Liquid Detector Indicator you mentioned earlier, is it this red tab here?
Andy: That's a clear sign of water damage! Please turn off the tablet now! It's to save it from electrical damage.
Pallas: Okay I've done that. Any way for me to fix this tablet at home? Or do I have to take it to your service center?
Andy: You could use Silica packets or dehumidifying crystals. Put them in a ziplock bag, place your wet tablet inside, then seal for 24 hours. If the water damage is not too severe, the tablet will be in working order the very next day. If this does not work, please bring your tablet down to your nearest service center. In the future, please be careful to keep your device away from water.
Triton: But I live in the WATER! I AM THE GOD OF THE SEAS.
Andy: You may come down to your nearest retail shop to buy a waterproof tablet pouch to protect your device.
Pallas: You hear this, Father? Just use the tablet pouch I already bought for you!
Triton: But it's fucking Disney Triton!
--Issue resolved.--
Customer Service Review:
"Good service, willing to provide a great solution that does not involve going down to service center or paying dem dwarves."
Andy: Greetings! Supernatural tech support service center. I'm Andy, how may I help you today?
Cyclops: Forgot Password. Try Facial Recognition. No Recognize Face. Cannot Work. Why?
Andy: Facial recognition technology is invented by humans and built to register 2 eyes, 1 nose and 1 mouth. Perhaps you may wish to try another authentication method, such as finger printing.
Cyclops: Make ONE EYE Facial Recognition Work. If Not, File Racial Discrimination Suit.
Andy: I'm sorry Cyclops, this is beyond my capacity. Perhaps I could suggest to one of the dwarf engineers to work on a facial recognition software for one-eyed creatures such as your esteemed self. I cannot promise anything, it depends on the demand and viability. I'll let you know once our engineers get back to me.
Cyclops: Paste Eye Sticker. Facial Recognition Not Work. Why. You Said Two Eye Work.
Andy: Two symmetrical eyes! Not one big eye and one small sticker on the side of your face! Cyclops, please try fingerprinting for now, or stick to passwords that you can remember while I talk to our dwarf engineers on making facial recognition work for one eyed.
Cyclops: OOOKEY. THANKS.
Customer Service Review:
"OOKEY MAN. NICE MAN. BUT WHERE MY ONE EYE FACIAL RECOGNITION. WHY.
--Ticket 10024--
Customer requested alternate facial recognition software or technology to identify Cyclops face. Will perform market viability testing and report back.
--UPDATE--
Market Viability is low. Among our smartphone users, only 2% are Cyclopeans. 12% of Cyclopeans are satisfied with our fingerprinting technology, while 18% are satisfied with using passwords. The rest do not have any form of password protection or biometrics.
--ticket closed--
Andy: Greetings! Supernatural tech support service center. I'm Andy, how may I help you today?
Bigfoot: ARGH. Ask me "Pressh ANY key". Where ish ANI key?
Andy: Just press any key, Bigfoot. There is no particular key called "any".
Bigfoot: Can not pressh key dat Arr can not find.
Andy: Let's try it this way. Do you have a favourite button to press?
Bigfoot: Arr likey dat "B" key. "B" ish fur Bigfoot.
Andy: Press the "B" key anytime you see the step to "Press Any Key". It will work.
Bigfoot: Arr yo da best! Ish works!
--Issue resolved--
Customer Service Review:
“Best service I have found! Today’s technology is unnecessary cumbersome and complex, but these guys know their stuff!”
(Bigfoot asked Sasquatch to write the above for him. Bigfoot thinks Sasquatch comment ish too long but whatever makes good hooman look good to his boss ish good)
Thanks for reading! Please check out more of my writing here!
still_thinking_ t1_jd8pk2t wrote
These were awesome! So funny. I loved cyclops trying to use a sticker. How great. And the extra bigfoot one was exactly how I would imagine he would sound. (I can’t find the “ani” key on my keyboard either, btw)
ThiefCitron t1_jd3rifv wrote
Do Bastet, the ancient Egyptian cat goddess!
Tregonial t1_jd66ngf wrote
Andy: Greetings! Supernatural tech support service center. I'm Andy, how may I help you today?
Bastet: Mortal, it has come to my attention that my laptop keyboard is jammed so I am reaching out to you via mobile.
Andy: Would you be able to recount when your keyboard began experiencing issues?
Bastet: My keyboard exhibited dire problems shortly after I started remotely working from home. I can say with much confidence I never had this issue when I had to travel to Bubastis to work.
Andy: I see. Bastet, would you be able to describe the differences between your work environment and your home environment? It could be an environmental issue that has caused your keyboard to jam.
Bastet: I believe the biggest difference is spending time with my numerous children and kittens.
Andy: I think one possible cause is that cat fur and dander have been stuck between your keyboard keys. I propose you pop them off and thoroughly clean them. And try not to let your kittens lounge and roam around your laptop again.
Bastet: Are you blaming my children for what is clearly a technical issue? It is in their nature for cats to lounge on keyboards, once in a while, I do lounge on Sekhmet's console for fun. I think it's the warmth generated, it tickles the belly.
Andy: No, no my lady. It's just probable cause. Please pop off your keyboard keys and clean them. This should resolve your issue. Please set a schedule to clean your keyboard regularly and you shouldn't have any issues moving forward. You may wish to purchase a keyboard dust cleaner or alcohol wipe to do so.
Bastet: Very well. I shall reserve my judgment. I will attempt your proposed solution.
--Issue resolved--
Customer Service Review:
"A little displeased this mortal dared push forth the narrative that cats lounging on keyboards is a terrible thing that can cause technical issues, but his proposed solution is impeccable. Never had any keyboard issues after setting up scheduled cleaning."
Thanks for reading! Please check out more of my writing here!
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