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Crystal1501 t1_iueh87p wrote

"Why don't we just wait for the actual day of Halloween?" my friend whines, trying to drag me away.

"Come on, even the monsters treat the actual day with light-heartedness! I want the spooky!" I shake him off.

He looks at me worriedly. "But... but I've heard things... some people who go in never leave, y'know? Halloween is the only safe day!"

I roll my eyes and respond. "That's several months away! Besides, I want to do this! I know the risks!"

"And yet, you didn't prepare ANYTHING? No charms, no crosses..." I hold my hand up to stop him.

"I'm doing this right, leave me alone!" I groan. I was always told I'm too brave, curious and naïve for my own good. I don't care. I want thrills. I want excitement. I want to legit get frightened, not one of those cheap haunted house attractions with no real danger! Several years ago, several creatures - vampires, ghouls, real-life skeletons, even actual shadow creatures - created a town which celebrates Halloween every single night, appropriately named 'Hall O Ween town'.

Apparently, all these denizens of the pumpkin season were fed up of having only one day a year to terrify people, so they created their town. On their day they give people a break who visit, likely to get income from tourists. But the rest of the year is a true test of courage and bravery. It seems fairly normal during the day, but at night, you'll need your wits about you.

"Fine, but you're on your own. Good luck, Dennis!" My friend runs away. I shake my head. I knew he would. As I step towards the town, shrouded by darkness, I notice a sign.

'NOTICE TO ALL HUMANS,

FROM HERE ABANDON ALL HOPE.

IF YOU WISH TO VISIT, YOU ARE WELCOME,

BUT BE WARNED: IF YOU SHOW WEAKNESS...

…THEN PREPARE TO SPEND THE REST OF YOUR EXISTENCE HERE!'

I turn to the side. "I spotted you ages ago, sir. I just have a few questions."

"Hehehe... observant, aren't you lad?" The living scarecrow exits the shadows.

I cross my arms and look at it sternly. "I just want to know what it means by 'weakness'. I know the typical things, like don't scream and don't collapse from fear..."

"Hehehe..." it seems amused. "Scream all you want. Collapse if you can't stand. Weakness means unable to face us. Plenty of people come here with charms and weapons and things... I always warn them. They don't always listen."

I nod. "So I'll be fine."

"Don't get cocky, lad" the scarecrow continues. "Unable to face also means unable to look, being prepared to fight or having the gall to beg us to spare you. Don't think you're safe just because you know, either; it's easy to know... it can be hard to do. Be prepared for horrors beyond your imagination, lad!"

The scarecrow walks back to where it was, looks directly at me, then rips its head off. Some liquid spills out the head. In the dark, it almost looks like a human just killed itself, but of course it's just a scarecrow.

Still, I gulp, but undeterred, walk forward. Wow, this place is so legit, a shiver runs down my spine! Real creepy laughter, shadows moving which I know are actual threats. My heart pounds, but my excitement levels are high!

Hands roughly grab my shoulders and I'm spun around. This... it looks like a human... with no eyes or skull... "EUGH!" I exclaim. I shake him off, maintaining... eye-contact, so to speak, as I walk backwards slowly. A wave from the thing tells me I'm safe.

As I continue on through the town, I see things I can't even begin to describe, but I do my best to heed the words of the scarecrow. I'm not too far from the other side now...

Suddenly, something drops from a branch above me, and in my shock, I let loose a punch... then instantly realise what I did. The thing just stands there. It's not even that scary of a creature - just some tree or plant thing. I take a single step back, locking eyes with it. A vampire flies down. It had been following me. I guess this is why.

"Well, well... so close to the exit, too..." the vampire taunts.

"I was just caught off-guard" I state. I don't break my gaze.

"Still, my friend... rules are rules, would you agree?" He walks towards me.

I take a deep breath. I won't let myself tremble, not in this situation. "You've been watching me the whole time. I faced everything. I didn't skip a single area. I NEVER EVEN SCREAMED!"

The vampire smirks. "Indeed... your courage certainly is not common..."

Good. This is what I want. I broke a rule, I know that. I just wanted to face the guy down. "Ok, so we have an understanding. Tell me: what do you normally do with human captives?"

"Depends on their co-operation." He looks amazed. "I must say, very sly of you, sir. Make me lower my guard to give yourself favourable terms. I'm impressed."

I smile. "Thank you. So, how do we proceed?"

The vampire rubs his chin as he thinks. "You're certainly an interesting one... come with me, to my office."

​

"So these are my options?" I ask. "I can't, I dunno, work for you?"

"We need to maintain our image" the vampire remarks. I nod as I look through the list of things they do with human captives - become a monster, be enslaved to a monster, be a prisoner, be taken to their land... I want something interesting at least.

The one thing everything has in common is it seems just being in the presence of these immortal beings makes the human immortal themselves, so I want to make sure I really won't regret my choice.

"If I agree to 'be a prisoner', could you at least try to keep it from being boring?" I ask hopefully. The vampire grins...

A FEW WEEKS LATER

I'm escorted to the small, empty room again. I'd say I know the drill, but that's impossible. I've become their 'test dummy' for new attempts at scaring the crap out of people. I never know what's coming. A door opens. I wait in nervous anticipation...

Sounds like crawling. Then, it shows. The being without a skull... its head is twisted 180 degrees, looking up, as it crawls on the ground, needles sticking out of its back. It heads right for me, grabbing at my ankles. It tilts its head to 'look' at me. I vomit (not on it, thankfully).

"Ok, that's a success" the vampire's voice calls from above. The being goes back through the door, and after a moment I just laugh.

"Yep, that was creepy!" I exclaim.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________

Thank you for reading! More stories here!

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InkDiamond t1_iuej283 wrote

I'll focus on the intro here.

I think your dialogue stands out. I like how you use punctuation and capitalization to inject some personality into your characters. You keep it energetic

But I must admit, I was pretty confused at what was happening in the story. I think some dialogue tags here would be really useful. Then you can specify who exactly is talking and maybe introduce some fun characteristics about them.

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Crystal1501 t1_iuejdgh wrote

Dialogue 'tags'?

Edit: Wait, as in

Vampire: "so here's what we'll do..."

Me: "Ok"

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InkDiamond t1_iuejx7l wrote

Yeah things like "he said" or "she screamed" around your dialogue. And then you can get fancy on top of that. Something like:

> "Why don't we just wait for the actual day of Halloween?" the monster pouted. He folded all eight of his arms.

Now you know who's talking and a little info about them

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Crystal1501 t1_iuekhqo wrote

Alright, will probably get to that a bit later, thanks!

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