InkDiamond t1_iuej283 wrote on October 30, 2022 at 6:52 PM

Reply to comment by Crystal1501 in [WP] Halloween is the one time of year most monsters can pass in the human world without hiding. Tired of waiting all year they've banned together to create a town that celebrates Halloween all year round. by RoboJoe9000

I'll focus on the intro here.

I think your dialogue stands out. I like how you use punctuation and capitalization to inject some personality into your characters. You keep it energetic

But I must admit, I was pretty confused at what was happening in the story. I think some dialogue tags here would be really useful. Then you can specify who exactly is talking and maybe introduce some fun characteristics about them.

Crystal1501 t1_iuejdgh wrote on October 30, 2022 at 6:54 PM

Dialogue 'tags'?

Edit: Wait, as in

Vampire: "so here's what we'll do..."

Me: "Ok"

InkDiamond t1_iuejx7l wrote on October 30, 2022 at 6:57 PM

Yeah things like "he said" or "she screamed" around your dialogue. And then you can get fancy on top of that. Something like:

> "Why don't we just wait for the actual day of Halloween?" the monster pouted. He folded all eight of his arms.

Now you know who's talking and a little info about them

Crystal1501 t1_iuekhqo wrote on October 30, 2022 at 7:01 PM

Alright, will probably get to that a bit later, thanks!