poiyurt t1_ixq3r94 wrote
"It cannot be," the knight cried out,
as all about began to shout.
For there stood she, kingdom's princess,
replete with crown and noble dress.
For had he known he'd not have dared,
To treat her as naught but a mare.
"It is true, but all is alright.
I blame you not, my dear sir knight."
"But," he cried, "I have searched so long
Hunting for a trace of your song.
Through the kingdom's valleys and hills,
past fields of grain and lumber mills.
In caves deep and mountains not,
places distant and long forgot."
"All to find the princess, thought gone,
had been beside me all along."
"I have done you a disservice.
Pray forgive me, my dear highness.
Take my head and my title too,
All that would make it up to you
I deserve not my knightly name,
my actions here bring me great shame."
He fell to his knees, hands a-quiver,
wracked with guilt over his failure.
"Your diligence is becoming,
your concern is truly touching.
But sir knight, you must understand,
how it was I received my curse.
I was locked in my father's keep,
Trapped, captive, and could only weep."
"In my desperation I swore,
I would pay any price, and more."
"If only I could flee my cage.
I screamed out loud, my mind enraged,
My heart knew naught but wanderlust.
To see the world, and not just dust.
I yearned to see the world out there,
for lush green forests and fresh air."
"The next morning, when I awoke,
Why, I just about had a stroke."
Some strange power had heard my plea,
and chose to play a trick on me.
My hands were gone, as was my hair,
Somehow, I had become a mare.
But before I could feel despair,
You arrived, answer to my prayer.
"My dashing knight, clad in armour,
Even then, you were a charmer."
"You chose me, of all in stable,
Since then, I have lived a fable.
Through the kingdom's valleys and hills,
past fields of grain and lumber mills.
In caves deep and mountains not,
places distant and long forgot."
"You have treated me with respect,
and helped, where you could, my subjects."
"You have righted wrongs, stopped evil,
always with a smile to people.
And though I fear I'm being vain,
always found time to brush my mane.
So, sir knight, for my forgiveness,
I ask one thing as recompense."
Please take me on your next quest.
Ingavar_Oakheart t1_ixq9r2b wrote
"For now he was content to know that he and Firekeeper would continue to run side by side." ~ Wolf's Soul, Jane Lindskold.
I have so many feelings, and not enough words to put them in. I adore the way that you were able to use the same sentences to depict very different emotions, "in caves deep and mountains not". The knight's delivery at the beginning felt like they were reading a litany of their sins, whereas I could almost hear the princess gliding along that same itenerary with dreamy-eyed wonder.
If I were to try to find something to critique, I would say that it felt like the rhythm was clunky in a few cases. I certainly don't think it detracted overall from the response, and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it.
Thank you for your words.
poiyurt t1_ixqafmh wrote
Thank you for your praise! That was certainly the intention of repeating that little section, and I'm glad to know it worked.
It could definitely flow better, I agree. I've pretty much never written poetry before, I think I could count all my attempts on one hand. But once I had the idea for the story, writing out in prose just somehow felt wrong, like it could only exist in this form to evoke the right ideas. Plus at some point you can't really revise the flow anymore because you've read it too many times haha.
Genevieve_Griselda t1_ixqr6qb wrote
it's like those songs that folks sing of tales of old, like "Scarborough fair".
Commander_Night_17 OP t1_ixr2f54 wrote
First time?
Wow you beat my skill by far and totally worth it
Glittering_Phase_153 t1_ixq8rm6 wrote
Incredible! Pat yourself on the back for this one! :)
OneRFeris t1_ixrxfsy wrote
Please take me on your next quest.
But not as your steed, and not as your guest.
Instead as your partner, as we have long been.
We'll journey together, through thick and thin.
Commander_Night_17 OP t1_ixsw7br wrote
That's a good finisher
Gaelhelemar t1_ixqimh8 wrote
Excellent poetry. Loved reading it.
Commander_Night_17 OP t1_ixr2m2o wrote
This was what I was expecting, though not in poem
As with any good poem I read it back a few times to make sure it was all good.
I like that she wants to go on adventure again too
Nicely done
I look forward to all the others
librarian-faust t1_ixru7co wrote
You win today. :)
TheReturned t1_ixstwz1 wrote
I was going to write my own take on the prompt, but to follow something so beautiful, I feel would detract from it. Well done, dear writer. Well done.
Commander_Night_17 OP t1_ixsw3u3 wrote
Oh don't be disheartened
Try to your own take on it
You'll be surprised how well it'll go
Here's to hoping I see your attempt
poiyurt t1_ixsw9ki wrote
Nonono. While I appreciate the praise, works of writing don't take from each other except in the case of copyright infringement. I'd love to see your spin on things.
Viewing a single comment thread. View all comments