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poiyurt t1_ixq3r94 wrote

"It cannot be," the knight cried out,
as all about began to shout.
For there stood she, kingdom's princess,
replete with crown and noble dress.
For had he known he'd not have dared,
To treat her as naught but a mare.

"It is true, but all is alright.
I blame you not, my dear sir knight."

"But," he cried, "I have searched so long
Hunting for a trace of your song.
Through the kingdom's valleys and hills,
past fields of grain and lumber mills.
In caves deep and mountains not,
places distant and long forgot."

"All to find the princess, thought gone,
had been beside me all along."

"I have done you a disservice.
Pray forgive me, my dear highness.
Take my head and my title too,
All that would make it up to you
I deserve not my knightly name,
my actions here bring me great shame."

He fell to his knees, hands a-quiver,
wracked with guilt over his failure.

"Your diligence is becoming,
your concern is truly touching.
But sir knight, you must understand,
how it was I received my curse.
I was locked in my father's keep,
Trapped, captive, and could only weep."

"In my desperation I swore,
I would pay any price, and more."

"If only I could flee my cage.
I screamed out loud, my mind enraged,
My heart knew naught but wanderlust.
To see the world, and not just dust.
I yearned to see the world out there,
for lush green forests and fresh air."

"The next morning, when I awoke,
Why, I just about had a stroke."

Some strange power had heard my plea,
and chose to play a trick on me.
My hands were gone, as was my hair,
Somehow, I had become a mare.
But before I could feel despair,
You arrived, answer to my prayer.

"My dashing knight, clad in armour,
Even then, you were a charmer."

"You chose me, of all in stable,
Since then, I have lived a fable.
Through the kingdom's valleys and hills,
past fields of grain and lumber mills.
In caves deep and mountains not,
places distant and long forgot."

"You have treated me with respect,
and helped, where you could, my subjects."

"You have righted wrongs, stopped evil,
always with a smile to people.
And though I fear I'm being vain,
always found time to brush my mane.
So, sir knight, for my forgiveness,
I ask one thing as recompense."

Please take me on your next quest.

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Ingavar_Oakheart t1_ixq9r2b wrote

"For now he was content to know that he and Firekeeper would continue to run side by side." ~ Wolf's Soul, Jane Lindskold.

I have so many feelings, and not enough words to put them in. I adore the way that you were able to use the same sentences to depict very different emotions, "in caves deep and mountains not". The knight's delivery at the beginning felt like they were reading a litany of their sins, whereas I could almost hear the princess gliding along that same itenerary with dreamy-eyed wonder.

If I were to try to find something to critique, I would say that it felt like the rhythm was clunky in a few cases. I certainly don't think it detracted overall from the response, and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it.

Thank you for your words.

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poiyurt t1_ixqafmh wrote

Thank you for your praise! That was certainly the intention of repeating that little section, and I'm glad to know it worked.

It could definitely flow better, I agree. I've pretty much never written poetry before, I think I could count all my attempts on one hand. But once I had the idea for the story, writing out in prose just somehow felt wrong, like it could only exist in this form to evoke the right ideas. Plus at some point you can't really revise the flow anymore because you've read it too many times haha.

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Genevieve_Griselda t1_ixqr6qb wrote

it's like those songs that folks sing of tales of old, like "Scarborough fair".

5

OneRFeris t1_ixrxfsy wrote

Please take me on your next quest.
But not as your steed, and not as your guest.

Instead as your partner, as we have long been.
We'll journey together, through thick and thin.

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Commander_Night_17 OP t1_ixr2m2o wrote

This was what I was expecting, though not in poem

As with any good poem I read it back a few times to make sure it was all good.

I like that she wants to go on adventure again too

Nicely done

I look forward to all the others

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TheReturned t1_ixstwz1 wrote

I was going to write my own take on the prompt, but to follow something so beautiful, I feel would detract from it. Well done, dear writer. Well done.

1

Commander_Night_17 OP t1_ixsw3u3 wrote

Oh don't be disheartened

Try to your own take on it

You'll be surprised how well it'll go

Here's to hoping I see your attempt

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poiyurt t1_ixsw9ki wrote

Nonono. While I appreciate the praise, works of writing don't take from each other except in the case of copyright infringement. I'd love to see your spin on things.

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TheReturned t1_ixt8cez wrote

The gates to the castle of the Avren Kingdom opened in a welcome cacophony of gears and chains working to move the massive constructs. Sir Tequinn Harvinger swayed with fatigue atop his chestnut colored steed Senya, whose hooves clopped and echoed off the stone walls.

Behind them, soldiers and their retinue followed, equally weary from their journey to the far south, fighting in the century long war that they have no hope of seeing the end of. Just like battles past, the clashes they participated in were brutal and bloody. This group lost a quarter of the numbers they left with. Their only solace was that the enemy suffered equally.

A squire, fresh from the county side, Harvinger could tell, came trotting up to him, eager to take the steeds reigns and lead them to the royal stables. "What is your name, young squire?" Harvingers voice rolled like gravel from beneath his heavy helmet.

Surprised at being addressed by the storied knight, the squire stumbled, "Uh....ummm..."

"It's OK, young one. You may speak." Harvinger said reassuringly. Well, as reassuringly as he could manage, being well aware that his voice can be described as anything but warm and gentle.

The squire blinked a couple of times before mastering his emotions and finally providing an intelligent response, "My name is Bartleby, but my friends call me Bart."

"Then, my young squire, may I address you as Bart?"

The squires mastery of his emotions was fleeting as his face froze in shock. Sensing that the squire was at his limits of emotional control, Harvinger continued on. "Judging by your silence, you think this is an expectation of friendship. It can be, young squire, if you become my squire. I'm afraid my last one met an unfortunate end on our journey and I find I am in need of one. Come, follow me and learn."

Despite his heavy armor and apparent fatigue, Harvinger dismounted Senya with grace born of years around horses. "You will find that I am not like the other knights. I only need a squire as a second set of hands, running the errends I cannot do myself. I do not let others take my steed," he emphasised this with an affectionate pat on Senyas neck, "nor do I expect others to clean my gear for me. I take care of these myself. Do you follow?"

"Y-yes, sir Knight."

"Good. Your responsibility is to make sure the stable is well kept and ready for Senya or myself. Provisioned and clean. I will tend to Senya myself, none other shall do so without my direct approval. I will never send written missives that counter that, nor shall I send instructions to the contrary via messenger. Failure of this direction will result in immediate dismissal. Do you understand this, Bartleby? "

"I-I do, sir knight."

They had arrived at Harvingers personal stable. Harvinger doffed his gauntlets and helmet placing them on a table then returned to Senya, reached into a saddle pack and fisheds out a parchment, quill and ink. After a few moments of writing, he pulled out wax and his stamp, carefully rolling the parchment and affixing his seal to it.

"Take this to Captain Parson. This is informing him that you are now my squire. Return here once he reads this and dismisses you. Now go." He turned without waiting for Bart to acknowledge his directions and started to remove the various bits of riding gear affixed to Senya. Each peice that came off was placed in its proper location. Finally Senya was free of her burdens.

Harvinger next scooped up the deshedding brush and worked over Senya from shoulder to haunch, removing fur that built up since they broke camp that morning. Next he grabbed a bucket, pleased to see it freshly filled and proceeded to wash Senya.

As he washed his loyal steed, he spoke to her, as of she could understand him. "Senya, what a steed you have been for me. When I first laid eyes on you, I knew we were destined to ride together. Your chestnut fur glistening in the dusk, the pride you carried yourself with. I cannot explain, but it's almost as if you enchanted me. Despite being a wild mare, I did not have to break you, you joined me, almost willingly."

Harvinger tossed the rag wetly into the bucket where it splashed noisily. Next he picked up a towel gently patted Senya dry. "The men were all amazed that I tamed such a beast. But you and I both know, there was no taming necessary." Senya huffed as if in agreement. Satisfied that she was dry, Harvinger next grabbed the brush and lovingly brushed the soft fur of his companion.

By this time Bart had returned and stood quietly nearby, waiting for his next instructions. Harvinger knew he was there, but ignored him for now. "Imagine my surprise at how nimbly you navigated our first battefiled together. Somehow you emerged without a scratch." The brushing continued, "Then the time you helped find survivors of the Wellington disaster, when a levy broke and flooded the nearby village."

Harvinger moved to the other side. "I knew you were special, but little did I know how special you were. Even my old squire Percy learned it the hard way, the first time he tried to tend to you. You wouldn't let anyone touch you. Only me. You rarely even let another take your reigns to be led around, much less rode about. That horse thief was in for a surprise when you intentionally ran him into a tree branch. It's too bad you stomped him so good, I would have loved to get my hands on him myself." Harvinger chuckled at the memory.

"Bart, fetch me some food and drink. I am nearly finished here but I still need to doff my armor and tend to it."

A small cloud of dust followed the squires "Yes, sir Knight" as he took off.

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TheReturned t1_ixt8d2i wrote

Finally it was time for the mane. Harvinger turned to place the brush in its proper place and switch to the mane brush. When he turned back he dropped the brush in a rare act of surprise.

Senya was gone. In her place stood... Princess Illianna? Princess of Avren, rightful heir to the throne, and missing for five years. Tears streamed down her face, yet she maintained a dignified stance while gripping a shawl tightly around her dress.

"P-P-princess?" was all Harvinger could manage, his mind frozen in confused shock.

"My dear knight, my curse is lifted, thanks to you." Despite her tears, her golden voice was strong. "I never knew what would break it, but I suspect that in this moment, you realized in your heart that you loved Senya, loved me."

The knight dropped to his knees, eyes moist and glistening in the torch light. He was fighting to hold back tears, but he knew it was a fight he would shortly lose. "I, yes, I realized that my affection for Senya...you? Was more than just a rider and his steed." The dam cracked, the first tear traced a path through the days grime down his cheek.

"Si-," she paused for a heartbeat, "Harvi-" she shook her head. "Tequinn, it was not just your love that broke the curse. Though trapped in the form of a mare, I kept my mind."

Harvingers eyes widened in shock. "You.. You remember?"

Illianna stepped up to the knight and cupped his cheek in her hand. He was shocked at the softness of her touch, the touch that broke the dam. Tears could no longer be held back and he wept openly, leaning into his princesses touch.

"Yes, I remember everything. I recognized you when you found me in that field. I knew you from before, firm, fair, honorable. I knew I'd be safest with you, and that I would get to see the kingdom in ways I would never otherwise." She smiled and Harvingers soul bloomed in ways he never imagined possible. That wasn't a smile of a princess to a knight, it was a smile only reserved for the person she loved.

"I saw you fight nobly. I bore you into battle so you could lead our forces to victory. I watched as you dedicated yourself to your duty, forgoing the pleasures women the kingdom over would have willingly offer. I suspected the reason why, but now the truth is apparent."

"I-I never intended anything above my station, my Princess. I assure you." the pleading look he gave her nearly broke her heart.

"Tequinn, of that I have no doubt." she crouched so she could be at his level, knowing he lacked the strength to rise in this moment. "Love was never something you sought. Only duty to your king, to your men. But you found it in the most unlikely thing, a simple mare. And for you, that was enough."

It was too much. A knight of the Arven Kingdom was a master of their emotions, stoicism prized over any display of emotion. It's why so few achieved such a lofty rank, it took a will stronger than iron to control their emotions. And here was Knight Tequinn Harvinger on his knees, the iron prison he kept his emotions locked up in, pried open by the very princess he swore to find and to protect.

Tequinn dropped his head and fell back into his legs. Love, shame, duty, hope, they all rushed forth, finally free from their prison. A wail escaped from deep within his lonely soul, reaching out to the radient soul before it, yearning to bask in her warmth.

Illianna smiled and welcomed his soul. Lonely though it was, it had its own warmth. The warmth of a protector, the fierceness of a Warrior, the longing of a man who denied him self the greatest treasure in all the lands.

"I love you, Tequinn Harvinger." Her words echoed in his soul, filling a void Tequinn never knew was there, that he longed for.

"A-and I love you, my princess." he whispered back, the words surprising even himself.

"Then rise, my love, and let's be by each others side for the rest of eternity."

They clasped hands and helped one another rise, ending with him standing a full head taller than her. They stared into each other's eyes, into one anothers souls, connecting on a level only reserved for those who truly loved one another.

Before they knew it, they embraced each other tightly, sharing a kiss that shook the world. At the entrance to the stable Bart gasped in shock, dropping his food laden tray that rattled loudly on the cobblestone floor. Tequinn and Illianna ignored him, continuing their embrace.

Bart turned and ran, they could hear him crying into the late afternoon air, "The princess! The princess has returned!"

4

Commander_Night_17 OP t1_ixtmgit wrote

First of all I'm glad you tried the prompt.

I also like how you made your knight stoic and bold and ebjpyable to read.

You're a really good writter, I hope I reach your level someday and I really enjoyed this.

P.S. Poor Bart, mans got such poor luck

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TheReturned t1_ixxzcau wrote

Thanks. There's a lot of editing that can be done to really improve this, but I think I hit the points I intended to.

And I appreciate the compliment on my writing. One day I hope to finally finish one of my many novels and get it published. I'm not all that great, and you can easily be a better writer than me. Just respond to prompts and listen to the respectful feedback and critiques redditors will offer you.

Additionally, read. Read a lot. Read different authors. Read different styles. Read different genres (I fail at this part, I tend to stick to military and hard Sci fi). The more writing styles you're exposed to, the better a writer you can be. Pay attention to how the authors construct sentences, use Grammer and verbiage. Try to look at the story from a constructive viewpoint - how has the author weaved multiple threads together. Or how they even failed at it. How have they organized their story? How have they made the characters relatable? Believe me, keeping an eye on things like this changes your whole reading experience, usually for the better.

P. S. And yea, what an eventful day for poor BART. Hopefully things calm down for him soon :-P

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librarian-faust t1_ixrualp wrote

Isn't this a plot point in Dragon Quest 8, except the King and mute MC are aware of it the whole time?

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