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YOMGuitar t1_ixmojbz wrote

I couldn't help but giggle at the sailor as he swam towards my island. He was so eager to meet his doom, and I was more than happy to oblige. "Please," he begged as he reached the shore. "Stop. You're so bad at singing."

I put on my best pouty face and batted my eyelashes at him. "But why?" I asked in a high-pitched voice. "Don't you want to hear me sing?"

He shook his head adamantly. "No, no, no," he said pleadingly. "You're terrible!"

I pretended to be hurt by his words and lay down on the sand dramatically. But deep down, I was delighted that I had finally found someone who could resist my charms.

I cleared my throat and then began to sing in a deep, throaty voice. My song was filled with words of temptation, seduction, and desire. The sailor's eyes widened as I sang, and he backed away slowly. I could see that he was trying to fight against the urge to be lured by meβ€”an effort which was eventually in vain.

As my song came to an end, the sailor found himself standing before me, completely under my spell. I smiled mischievously and slowly began to draw him closer with every wave that washed ashore. He was powerless against what I had done; he could no longer resist my charms.

And that is how I lured my first sailor to his death. But it certainly wouldn't be the last. With time and practice, I had become a master at my craft β€” an unbeatable siren with a song that none could ignore. My island would soon become overrun with willing sailors, all of them delivered to their watery graves by me, their irresistible siren. I had found my true power, and it was beautiful.

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hs1308 t1_ixmqt3e wrote

Started off great but you could have taken the story in a different direction.

The siren was delighted to have found someone who could resist her charm, which was a really good hook but eventually you still had her charm him. That was a bit off for me.

Sorry, but honest feedback.

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YOMGuitar t1_ixmy1eb wrote

I appreciate the honest feedback. I actually agree with you on your point. Always room for improvement. Thank you 😊

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