Viewing a single comment thread. View all comments

katpoker666 t1_iwnjr47 wrote

This was a bittersweet piece and I love how you brought us to the widowed part. Like Astro said I think expanding the dialog would be good. I’d also suggest making it six months or the like. Three dates to me isn’t even ‘ I love you’ to me. It’s maybe let’s start calling this a relationship/ consider exclusivity. I think the longer timeline would increase believability of the very sweet line about wanting to stand next to him someday

1

oracleofaal t1_iwnq8pa wrote

Yeah, I was trying to go for a feeling that he'd known her for years as a friend before she was widowed and it didn't come through. I need to figure that out. Thanks for the feedback.

2