Submitted by AliciaWrites t3_yrp2vp in WritingPrompts

“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.”


Happy Thursday writing friends!

This week it’s time to examine goodness for goodness’ sake. Good words, all.

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[IP] | [MP]



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Last week’s theme: Valor


First by /u/sevenseassaurus
Second by /u/London-Roma-1980*
Third by /u/Xacktar*

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14

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oracleofaal t1_iw16z11 wrote

The candle burns low in the red glass holder between their mostly finished plates while Sinatra croons in the background. She wiggles her wedding ring back and forth nervously on the table as the gentleman across the table from her rambles on about places in Italy.

It had been years since she dated anyone but she vaguely remembered that date number three is supposed to be a turning point in dating relationships. And this was date number three. She wasn’t sure why she kept saying yes, or even why he kept asking but here they were. Why was she here? It felt dishonest or dishonorable to her husband's memory. She had to end this relationship tonight before it went any further before she actually fell in love with the kind soul that had patiently courted her through three dates. Tonight. It would be over tonight and she'd be alone again with his memory, 5 years gone and buried.

Gathering her thoughts together, it took her a moment to realize that the gentleman across from her had stopped talking and was gazing softly at her.

"I'm sorry, I was listening," she apologized "you were saying that retirement is only a few years away, and then you plan to travel to…uh,” she paused before remembering, “Italy." She couldn't remember the details but hoped that was enough to quell any questions about what she had been thinking about. When she ended this, she didn’t want to use her husband’s memory as an excuse.

He lifted his right hand off the table and placed in on top of her left, stopping her from flicking her ring. She stared at her hand mortified because she didn't realize that she has been so obvious about it.

"I'm sorry..." She started to say, but he cut her off.

"Don't be. He was an amazing person. He was a good colleague and friend and I hope he was an amazing husband.” He let the words settle before continuing, “I will never be able to replace him, and I wouldn't want to. But maybe, just maybe, I will be able to stand beside him in your heart."

She turned her face up to really look at the man she was sitting across from and thought for the first time that maybe tonight wouldn't be the end of their relationship and maybe she wouldn't be alone anymore.

[WC: 397]

6

AstroRide t1_iwizqhx wrote

This is sweet, but I would expand on the dialogue before he asks to stand beside her husband. It feels too sudden otherwise.

2

katpoker666 t1_iwnjr47 wrote

This was a bittersweet piece and I love how you brought us to the widowed part. Like Astro said I think expanding the dialog would be good. I’d also suggest making it six months or the like. Three dates to me isn’t even ‘ I love you’ to me. It’s maybe let’s start calling this a relationship/ consider exclusivity. I think the longer timeline would increase believability of the very sweet line about wanting to stand next to him someday

1

oracleofaal t1_iwnq8pa wrote

Yeah, I was trying to go for a feeling that he'd known her for years as a friend before she was widowed and it didn't come through. I need to figure that out. Thanks for the feedback.

2

Dbootloot t1_ivvqskr wrote

Dad

​

The memories that choose to stay in our heads are strange things, often illogical. These small shards of the past lodge themselves deep in the recesses of our mind without rhyme or reason. If I could remember more things about my father, I would. I'd have remembered his smile. His faded globe and anchor tattoo, and the exact ways it needed some touching up. He always said he'd get to it, though. That there would be time.

​

All at once though, there wasn't. He was gone. The world stopped spinning for me. Every color was a shade less vibrant, every breeze blew just a bit softer, and each passing cloud provided less shade. All of these things, logically, had to be the same. Yet they weren't - because I wasn't - and nothing could remain how it was once was.

​

"That's the way it is sometimes. Shit comes and goes. Every now and then, though - here and there, you get pieces of it back. So just wait a little longer. For now to pass and there to come."

​

It wasn't really as profound as I think it sounds. Something he said after my first girl broke up with me over text. College.. what can you do, right? But for some reason I hear that in my head a lot. Not the words, but his voice. The ways his eyes squinted from his smile as he said it. He didn't smile too much, which is maybe why I find it so critical, so important, that for that moment he did.

​

Of course with my Sarah, I try to do things different. My old man was far from perfect. Mom said it was the military that made him all rough around the edges like that. Clean cuts that never quite got sanded down, even by the gentle grit of family life.

​

I try to do some things his way, though. The Chinese buffet after each first day of school for my daughter. The drive up to that rinky Hawaiin themed waterpark each summer. Collecting the best bits and pieces. Of course, now she's getting older. Too cool for it all.

​

The other day, though, she was telling me about her friend moving - how she felt like a piece of her was leaving to Colorado, too. Then it just bubbled up.

​

That's the way it is sometimes...

​

So then, for a moment, the sky seemed deeply blue. The autumn gust more crisp. The sound of the passing cars on the freeway was less of a drone, and more of a comforting hum. For a small instance, the fractals of time and love and memory coiled themselves into a twist. They brought him back, if only for a minute.

​

It ended, of course. As all things must end. Yet somehow I felt maybe now and again, here and there, these little slip ups might keep coming.

​

So I wait, but ever shorter. Look forward, but know he's closer.

​

I love you, Dad.

​

[WC: 499]

5

Restser t1_iwemact wrote

Hey, Dbootloot. An interesting reflection in which the MC draws on memories of his father and compares his own role as a parent, done by way of an address to his departed Dad. The brief mention of a son then a shift to a daughter was a bit jarring. The use of personal pronouns instead of names for the offspring suggests a distance that I think you did not intend. Some repetition (e,g, 'of course').

The tone is quite touching and brings out the inner feelings of your MC. I enjoyed reading your piece. Cheers.

2

Dbootloot t1_iwenvma wrote

I just looked back and see that I totally flipped pronouns for one sentence. That one leaves me a bit red in the face, hahaha.

​

Thank you for your feedback!

1

AstroRide t1_ivyj2a2 wrote

##Crying in the Corner

Linda sits in the corner booth at the diner staring at her cup of coffee. A few tears drip into the coffee obscuring her reflection. She sniffles several times and covers her nose with her hand. In spite of her efforts, her weeps escape her mouth and alert the diner to her sadness.

Xavier walks up to the counter and places forty dollars in front of the cashier, Grace. He leans close to her.

"That should be enough to pay for whatever she orders. Keep the change." Grace nods her head, and Xavier puts on his raincoat before he leaves. She takes the money and walks back to the cook, Miguel.

"What did she order?" Grace gestures to Linda.

"So far just coffee. However, I noticed her staring at the loaded breakfast so I started cooking that for her," Miguel says. Grace grabs the menu to check the price.

"Two waffles, scrambled eggs, two sausages, and grits. Comes to about thirty-five dollars with tax." Grace holds out the money. "A man stopped by earlier and gave this to pay for her food."

"Oh, I was already planning on making this meal on the house. Why don't you put that forty dollars in the children's hospital jar," Miguel says.

"Good idea." Grace puts the money inside the jar.

While the two of them talk, Hank has been reading the news in the booth next to Linda. The rain comes down harder outside his window. Hank turns around and sees that Linda's umbrella is old and has a large hole in it. Hank's umbrella is next to hers and is in pristine condition. When Hank finishes reading the news, he steps out of his seat and grabs Linda's umbrella. Using his foot, he moves his umbrella closer to her.

Sarah views the entire scene from the diner counter. Linda wipes her nose several times with her sleeve. After paying her bill with a generous tip, Sarah walks to Linda and produces a packet of tissues from her purse.

"Here, there's about fifty left in there. Use them whenever." Linda pushes the tissues back to Sarah, but Sarah holds out her hand. "No, I insist. You need it more than me."

As Sarah leaves the diner, Linda begins using the tissues instead of her sleeve. She looks around the diner for a trashcan. Tyler who's been sitting on the opposite side of the diner pushes the small trashcan closer to her.

Miguel finishes cooking the loaded breakfast and puts everything on a tray. Grace takes the tray and walks over to Linda. Linda views this action with suspicion.

"I didn't order this," Linda says.

"It's on the house. If you want anything else, just ask," Grace replies.

"Thank you." Linda smiles through the tears.

"No problem. I have no idea what you're going through, but I hope we've helped a little today." Grace smiles as she goes back behind the counter.


r/AstroRideWrites

5

Restser t1_iwennzw wrote

Hey, Astro. I think you've nailed this one. Loved it to bits. A three-sixty-degree view of the aftermath of an event we haven't seen yet can infer. Cheers.

1

AstroRide t1_iwizk8e wrote

Thank you for the compliment. Glad you enjoyed it.

1

katpoker666 t1_iwnhhc9 wrote

Hey Astro—this was heartwarming and wholesome as fudge.

A couple small things:

  • Her weeping, I think? >> In spite of her efforts, her weeps escape her mouth and alert the diner to her sadness.
  • I wish we knew a little more about Xavier in context. I get that he could be an anonymous figure, but did he walk in with her? After? Also maybe leave him unnamed as he doesn’t appear named elsewhere in the story?
  • I love how everyone is so nice to her and generally. The one thing id say is there are an awful lot of names to keep track of. Eg maybe don’t name the couple in the booth with the umbrella
  • And this last part is a really small thing, but fifty tissues is more like a box than a purse pack which is ten. Silly thing, but took me out for a sec Overall, really great tale
1

AstroRide t1_iwo6sx7 wrote

Thank you for the critique. I do admit that this a large cast of characters, and I went overboard on naming (I was trying to avoid constantly going a man/a woman). Also, I don't know how many tissues are in a packet so I guessed what I thought was a reasonable number lol. Glad you enjoyed it.

2

Carrieka23 t1_iw066jx wrote

The Sky

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Have you ever made a wish to the sky? That your selfless or maybe selfish wish will come true?

I've done it for many years. Each time, that wish becomes true.

The first wish I made was for my mother. My father thought it was nice to cheat on her with another female he met at a bar. He decided to tell me, thinking I wouldn't say anything since we close.

I was afraid, so I stare at the shining night sky, and pray. Pray that my mother finds out, and she will become happy.

The next day, she found out and they got a divorce. I stay with my mother, hoping it will heal her heart. But it didn't. The guilt and anger she felt from her husband cheating on her pains her heart. Even just looking at me pains her heart deep down.

So, I wish again at night. And my wish again came true. My mother suddenly healed from the pain.

That's when I begin to wonder, is the sky truly alive? Is the sky listening to every single one of our wishes?

The third time was around middle school. I notice a quiet person staring at the ground. A couple of bullies were mocking them, laughing at them, even going as far as making fun of their clothes. I felt pity for the victim. I wanted to help the victim, so I made a wish to the sky.

The next day, the bullies have a change of heart. They begin supporting them, even one of them going as far as having a crush on them. It's weird in my eyes, but I'm glad the bullying stop.

But most of all, I realize the sky is indeed alive, and it's listening to every single wish that I made. So, I begin wishing for good around the world. One by one, the world slowly begins to change for the better.

People begin accepting each other, the environment is becoming a livelier place, everything was just perfect.

Just like any other human, I begin aging. But I still continue to wish to the shining bright sky. But one day, I became so sick that I start visiting the hospital. I was so worried about other people's problems, that I forgot my own problem.

One visit became two, two became four, and four became forever. But still, I continue making wishes to the sky. Even going as far as wishing for this hospital to get better support and money from people.

Tonight, the sky was shining as always, but it was now different. The sky was calling for me, wanting me to come along with them.

So, I accepted with ease.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

WPC: 451

4

London-Roma-1980 t1_iwhaht5 wrote

I really like the tone of this story. It nails wholesome well, and includes a little supernatural in it. The idea of the person being selfless even on death's door is a stock character, but one so lacking in the real world the presence here is welcome.

I do notice that you flip-flop from past to present tense a bit in this story, which a copyeditor would be infuriated by but which I can work my way around. There is, however, one omission:

>He decided to tell me, thinking I wouldn't say anything since we close.

The right phrasing here is "since we _were_ close" or "since we _are_ close". Close, in this sentence, is an adjective not a verb, meaning the subordinate clause is missing the verb it needs to finish the thought. Never accidentally a verb, as Murphy's Law would say.

Still, a good take on the topic! I like it!

1

Xacktar t1_iw75z89 wrote

The snow fell in wispy, fluffy clumps like little cotton balls. It piled up on the bare branches of the trees, outlining everything in pristine white.

Lacie watched it all from the kitchen window. This was her favorite time of year. There was something empowering about being inside while it snowed. Sitting in the warm, with a blanket over her legs, Lacie wished for the one thing that would make this perfect.

"Hot cocoa!" Grace plopped down on the other side of the kitchen table with two plates.

One was just a saucer with a steaming cup cradled in its ring. It was pushed over with care. The other, however, was a mystery. Its size and shape were unknown as it was trapped inside a tomato-stained tupperware container.

"What's that?" She pointed.

"Wouldn't you like to know!"

Grace was Lacie's younger sister. Gracie and Lacie: their parents had thought it was funny. They both shared the same dark eyes, narrow nose, and that cleft in the chin that looks so much better on their father. Lacie knew she looked much older now. Her skin didn't glow like Grace's, her hair was frizzled and split. She could never keep a haircut for long since going out to get one was so much trouble in her condition. She just kept it all wrapped up in a messy bun.

"You and your secrets." Lacie lifted the hot cocoa in both hands, trying her best to keep them steady, "Thanks."

"It's hazelnut." Grace said, "One of those little flavor packet things. I'm no pro, but at least I didn't burn the water."

Smiles crossed the table, but soon fell away. The cup was placed back on the saucer and the snow spun in the wind outside. A clump of fattened flakes hit the window, blurring for a moment, then melting away.

"Dad would have liked this." Lacie ran a thumb along the searing side of the cup, right over where it proclaimed her to be 'Cocoa Crazy!'

"And mom wouldn't be bothered. She'd be storming in and out of the house, slamming doors, shouting, going out to church or auctions or whatever, stomping those boots all over."

"The boots!" Lacie had forgotten about them. They'd been huge, green, rubber things that never matched whatever else she had on, "They were so..."

"Hideous."

"So hideous."

Lacie rubber her thighs with her now-warmed hands. Her legs couldn't feel the warmth, or the pressure, but she'd been told it did her good. The muscles were still there, even if they weren't talking to the rest of her.

Time passed, snow fell, and the cocoa slowly vanished. She stared down into the blackened clumps at the bottom of the cup and sighed.

"All done?" Grace asked.

The cup and saucer were passed over as an answer.

"Time to reveal the mystery!" Grace pushed the tupperware container over, "Guess what's inside."

"Leftovers?"

"Nope." The top was popped off, and nestled inside was another cup and saucer, "More cocoa!"

4

London-Roma-1980 t1_iw8v7cd wrote

That's my son. My wonderful, wonderful son.

That's not just his mother here saying he's wonderful. You ask anyone who's seen him. He's so deferential to his elders; he treats his peers with the utmost respect; he takes care of the animals he sees. I assure you, he would never even hurt a fly! There's never been another man like him.

Yes, it's true, when he met her in school, things were a little unusual. Yes, he cared about her more than she did about him. But that's just how my son is. He's a wonderful boy you would take home to your mother. And like I said: there's no way he'd hurt a fly!

And she saw that. She understood him. She learned all about him, and it became beautiful. Everyone talked about how sweet he was to her. How much he doted on her. When she left for college, he changed his plans to go with her -- what a romantic gesture! I knew he would take such good care of her. I even told her not to worry -- my boy would never hurt a fly.

That's why I talk about the rumors, though. People making such scandalous claims about my little boy. I don't know what to say other than it makes no sense. Everyone saw how much he took care of her and how much he wanted her in his life. Why would he risk that with the behavior they talked about? I ask you, if you saw them together -- and everyone in this neighborhood did -- you wouldn't think there was a thing wrong with them. She had every material gift she could ever want. And my boy? He made sure to keep them happy together. He'd never do anything else. Never even hurt a fly.

Oh, yes, I saw the letters. I saw the text messages. I don't understand them either. He made sure she was taken care of at every opportunity. Why would she ever talk to another man? And... and the claims that she was looking to divorce the man who had cared for her all her life -- you have to understand how ludicrous that idea is. What could he possibly have done that would keep her away from him? This is my son we're talking about! He'd never hurt a fly.

What's that, officer? The timing? Why no, it's not what you think! I understand you have to ask everyone, and when I see him I'll make sure to tell him you were here. But just because people were starting those ideas that she was going to leave him... why would that mean that he's a suspect? It was a car accident! They said her brakes just didn't work! It's so tragic, but you don't need to do anything. I've told you before, my son wouldn't hurt a fly.

Thank you, officer. I'll keep in touch.

...yes, my son would never hurt a fly. Because flies never hurt him.

[WC: 496]

4

katpoker666 t1_iwivd40 wrote

‘Ring Around the Dolphins’

—-

The scents of clove, cinnamon, and cardamom wafted through Zanzibar’s docks. I tread carefully along the cart-rutted dirt path in my cute but impractical heeled sandals.

“Try to look a little happier, Trish,” Steve whispered.

Sulky and sunburned, I hissed, “I wish I could.” I sighed. “Sorry. The heat is getting to me.”

He put his arm around me and kissed the top of my head.

“Hey, let’s go over here,” Steve gestured to a narrower path between some tin-sided buildings that had seen better days.

Shrugging, I followed.

The trail opened to a beautiful square replete with the island’s famous carved and copper-studded wooden doors. A small cafe with burnt red mosaic tables and electric fans beckoned. My stomach rumbled in the affirmative.

“Hey, babe. Want to stop here? It’s lovely.”

Steve paused and shook his head. “Maybe later. I want to show you something first.”

“But I’m starving.

“I promise this will be worth it.”

Wrinkling my nose, I nodded in assent.

We rounded another corner. A small, blue shed stood with a canopied boat out front. There was nothing else of note, and yet he stopped.

“I don’t get it.”

“You will. Trust me.”

I squeezed his hand.

“Mustafa,” he shouted.

A portly man in a blue button-down shirt came out of the building.

I cocked a curious eyebrow but said nothing.

As we set out across the water, Mustafa gestured to the cooler in the back. “Lunch.”

Inside was a whole steamed fish and vegetables. A bowl of fresh fruit accompanied it.

The fish was seasoned with salt and fresh pepper and incredibly tender. As I bit into a ripe mango and juice dribbled down my chin, I peered out at the azure waters. A breeze ruffled my hair. I felt calm. Happy.

I looked over at Steve. “I love you. This is pretty special.”

“We’ll stop here,” Mustafa said, handing us some snorkeling gear. Luckily, I had my swimsuit on under my dress.

The warm, clear water caressed my skin. Kaleidoscopic fish ringed us. “This is gorgeous, isn’t it?”

“I’m glad you like it, Trish. I’d hoped you would.”

Mustafa tossed cut-up fish over the side. A pair of dolphins swam up and nudged my leg. “Oh my god, dolphins! Can this day get any better?”

“I hope so.” Steve had a faraway smile.

We got back into the boat and dried off.

The sun began to crest below the horizon casting a cotton candy glow. The dolphins continued to frolic around the craft.

Steve went down on one knee, velvet ring box in hand with a large purple-blue tanzanite. The full moon shone down over the water behind him. I mentally photographed the moment. I wanted to remember it forever.

As we turned back toward the docks, Mustafa handed us a bottle of champagne and two flutes. We toasted. It really was the perfect day.

—-

WC: 481

—-

Thanks for reading! Feedback is always very much appreciated

4

ur-socks-sir t1_ivuye8v wrote

I remember when I was still 16, I was almost out of highschool with only one more year left. I had the most amazing plan to get rich and retire before I was 40. How incredible it would have been, but like God tried to tell me, I should have held onto my plans loosely.

You see I had only a month and half of school left. At that time we were being prepped for something called an ACT test. Don't ask me what it stood for because I didn't care enough to even try to remember it even back then.The point was that the ACT test was my ticket into college.

Without a good score on that test I was never going to afford my degree. But like I said, I made plans, and I should have held onto them with a loose grip. Like I said there was only a month and half of school left, and I had maybe 3 weeks before I took the ACT test, but over the news a fire had spread that a strange disease was rapidly spreading.

I was shocked that over the intercom was an announcement that school was going to be closed for am entire month. There were so many people (students of course) who were absolutely overjoyed about no school for a full month, I however was...and still am to dome degree, more realistic than they were. I understood that no school for a month sounded fun, but I also knew that something that serious was dangerous, and that it would greatly affect everyone's lives.

Now I'm not gonna bore you with all the details of what happened during the lockdown, but I will tell you that my plans to go to college were nearly shattered. God did want me to go to college, but it wasn't the way I was hoping for. I did end up taking the test again, I unfortunately made the lowest passing score that allowed me to get into college.

My plan had been to work a job through the summer, finish my last year of highschool, work that summer again, and then have a part-time job while in college while having all of my expenses paid for by the test score I was hoping to make.

Instead, I didn't work a job either of those summers nor my first year of college. My father helped me pay for the first year of college and I had no real income. I did of course get what I wanted and avoided being in debt, but being in that low place of not being able to afford anything showed me something.

I learned that it was okay to depend on other people. It's okay to trust someone with what matters to you. But something I really learned was that God has a plan for me, and He has one for you too.

I understand that God may not be everyone's favorite person for one reason or another, and I'm sure there are some valid reasons out there, but I want you to have faith. Faith in God is what kept me going, He kept me alive when I couldn't handle the weight of this world.

My plans to retire before I was 40 wasn't His plan, and I had to learn to let that go, because He had a much better idea. His plan was that I was going to move into a place of my own, and when I did, I was going to meet the most beautiful woman I've ever met.

That woman loved God more than herself, more than anything, more than me even, and that was perfect. Her love for God would overflow into the lives of all those around her, and so much so that it would even lead to you.

Sophia, I know you didn't get the chance to know your mother well, and I know that I was never the father you needed, not by myself, but don't let that change anything. Don't let your heart be hardened by your scars.

You have a daughter of your own now, and she is the happiest little girl I've ever seen. I know you'll do such amazing things Sophia, and I know that you will be the mother that child deserves. You have your mother's heart, so I pray you always turn to God with your worries. And remember, hold your plans loosely, God always has something better in mind.

I know that by the time you get here it will probably be too late, but I want you know that I love you so much. And I don't want you to blame yourself for moving as far away as you did, I completely understand.

I'm asking the doctor to give this to you shortly after you arrive. Remember that your husband is trying his best, and that your daughter will prove challenging at times, but especially that I believe in you, I always have. I love you Sophia, and I always will. -Dad

3

katpoker666 t1_iwnj0mn wrote

Hey socks—there were a lot of sweet parts to this! I agree about the preaching part being somewhat distracting.

One other point I’d raise is that it would be nice if this started with ‘Dear Sophia.’ The reason I say that is that without that context it feels like a story that is telling us stuff about what has happened to the mc vs showing us what happened.

Also, a small thing, but the first sentence feels quite repetitive. I think you could save a bit of word count but paring it down a little bit which will make it sharper and hook the reader more.

>> I remember when I was still 16, I was almost out of highschool with only one more year left.

Could be:

  • I remember when I was sixteen with a year of high school left.

Last thing, you start quite a few sentences with ‘ I’ which could be varied up a bit more to not feel samey for the reader.

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ur-socks-sir t1_iwoajbr wrote

This is actually some really great feedback! Thank you so much! I'll make sure to try and remember when I'm doing the next one!

I really do appreciate the feedback, I very much hope to improve with practice.

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katpoker666 t1_iwollis wrote

You definitely will—just takes time and commitment. But I have complete faith you’ll get there :)

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ur-socks-sir t1_ivuyh4m wrote

I know that it's way more than 500 words, but it felt right. I hope y'all enjoy it.

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Restser t1_iwejghw wrote

Hey ur-socks-sir. I think your story was doing just fine till you started preaching. I did a quick check and think if your replaced paragraphs 10 to 13 with what happened in your MC's life in between, this piece would be much less disjointed. Make it clear from the start that MC is addressing his daughter. Another thing your story would benefit from is some showing, instead of so much telling. Lastly, there are many places where your can save on the word count - be concise where ever you can. Cheers.

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ur-socks-sir t1_iwek9g3 wrote

Hey thanks for the criticism, I really do appreciate it. This was my first time writing a prompt like this, I wasn't sure what to do and by the end of it I couldn't be bothered to write something completely different. Thanks for taking your time to help me!

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Restser t1_iwf29u6 wrote

Learning this craft is not easy. There is a great deal of technique that is not obvious. A great place to learn is: https://emmadarwin.typepad.com/thisitchofwriting/

Good luck with your future stories.

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ur-socks-sir t1_iwf2h9n wrote

Hey thanks! I appreciate that you're trying to help me. Honestly I need more support, I tend to be way too hard on myself despite just starting out. I really do appreciate your help.

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Restser t1_iw9dttx wrote

Remains of the Day

Mortality, or our sense of it, rarely comes to mind when we're young. My eyes were first opened when I was nine. A schoolfriend was hit by a car. It's different when it's close, for then the heart pumps and the head swims. That was so long ago, yet I remember hearing the news, then thinking for the first time that life is an allotment of time and its quantum a mystery.

I'm sitting on my couch staring at the aquarium. Is my perspective that different from theirs? I have no more ability to see the future than these fish, just more awareness that there is one, limited though it is. I often reflect on the past, mainly because it's the only passage of time I have experience of. What is to come amounts to a wishlist, what has been merely tickmarks with thousands of footnotes for events I never planned. Some of those accompany deep regrets.

When time is short I think we become jealous of how we spend it. My list is filled with things I never got around to doing and now can't - building a boat, seeing Machu Pichu, taking a trip to space. For the few I can, I waste the remains of the day trying to choose among them the one that will be most fitting. Perhaps I will paint. The longing has been there since I was a lad. The appeal is strong for the same reason I ignored it for so long; it lacks excitement. A sedentary pastime suits my aging mood. Besides, unlike life, I can paint over my mistakes.

[WC: 271]

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katpoker666 t1_iwnk1d2 wrote

I like this thoughtful contemplation on life, Restser. It might be me but it feels more like an essay than a story piece in that there’s a lot of telling but not so much showing.

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Restser t1_iws09ny wrote

Thanks katpoker66 for reading and commenting. You are right about the style. I try to write these pieces in a single pass with a single edit review. I had trouble getting sufficiently close to MC's mind to make this work the way I'd like. There's always next week.

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Ryter99 t1_iwk53ab wrote

Zypheria walked beside her much larger mother, their tails swaying in unison. Just two purple dragons striding through an emerald green meadow crisscrossed by babbling brooks.

“This meadow is our sacred sanctum,” Teradrax told her daughter. “Warded by powerful magics of the elder dragons, no mortal foe may pass through the barrier.”

Zypheria cocked her head in confusion. “Then how’d that child get in?”

There, emerging from the treeline was a boy no older than twelve.

“Prepare for battle!” Teradrax boomed.

“Mother! That boy is no dragon hunter!”

“A human has never ridden upon my back... why?”

Zypheria sighed. “You follow the golden rule: assume all humans desire to subjugate us.”

“Correct.”

“But clearly this child is not our ‘foe’, the barrier let him pass.”

“Keep watch on him,” Teradrax said. “I must check the wards.”

With a mighty flap of her wings, Teradrax was gone, leaving Zypheria and the boy to eye each other warily.

“What’s your name?” Zypheria asked as the boy neared.

“Jacob,” he whispered.

Cold rain began to fall, leaving Jacob soaked and shivering. Zypheria raised her wing high and looked to him expectantly. The lure of shelter overpowered his fear and he scampered beneath.

She gently lowered her wing until it loosely enveloped him, then craned her neck to tuck her own head underneath beside him.

“I’m going to warm you up,” Zypheria said. “Don’t be scared.”

Zypheria summoned the barest flicker of flame from her throat and let it tumble around her mouth.

After a moment’s wariness, Jacob shuffled forward, warming his hands in front of the makeshift furnace. It soothed him for several blissful minutes until a rush of wind, the force of a dragon landing, extinguished it.

“Zypheria!” Teradrax shouted as she tucked her own head beneath her daughter’s wing. “I told you to watch him!”

“I am! Very, very closely.”

Teradrax sighed. “Where are your parents, boy?”

“A-alone,” Jacob whimpered. “I’m all alone.”

Zypheria looked to her mother, eyes pleading.

“Well… erhm,” Teradrax said finally, “not so alone. We are here with you.”

Tentatively, Jacob placed a hand on Teradrax’s snout. “You’re warm too,” he murmured.

“Indeed!” she chuckled. “You’re safe here, child. From the cold, and from the fouler things in this world.”

“Jacob,” Zypheria said. “Do you see those orbs, dancing through the treeline?”

“Uhuh!” Jacob said, transfixed by the glowing light show.

“Those are the spirits of our ancestors, lighting the darkness. Protecting us.”

“Wowwwwww!” On his tiptoes, Jacob peered into the distance. “I wish I could see moreeee!”

After a moment’s silence, Teradrax said, “Tomorrow I'll give you a ride, show you the entire sanctum from above. Would you like that… Jacob?”

“Yes!”

“But only if you’re a good boy and get some sleep! You require rest, child.”

“Okayyyy.”

As Jacob curled up on the grass between two dragon heads, Zypheria couldn’t help grinning at her mother.

“What happened to the golden rule, mother?” she whispered.

Teradrax chuckled. “I suppose all rules must have exceptions.”

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nobodysgeese t1_iwk6dgp wrote

His sister was baking at a frantic pace. Joey stood on his toes, but couldn't quite make out what was on the counter.

"Em, I wanna help."

She didn't look away from her stirring. "Sorry, Joey, not today, I'm trying to finish before Mom and Dad get back."

"Please?"

Emma grabbed a box instead of replying, and he slowly turned away. As she measured, however, she said, "Can you, uh, double check that there's butter in the fridge?"

Joey grinned and ran to get a stool.


Mom and Dad said the cookies were delicious. Joey rolled his eyes. They always said that whenever Emma baked, even when it was too salty or under-cooked or burnt.

But this time, instead of her usual 'thank you', Emma smiled and put a hand on his shoulder. "They should taste good, I had a great helper."

As Mom hugged him, Joey thought that it was strange how he could tell that their parents really believed their compliments today.


r/NobodysGaggle

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rayonymous t1_iwl675b wrote

One of the first life forms in the nearby dwarf galaxy was saved from extinction by a gamma-ray burst in the locus. But a group in Cosmogalactic Federation (CGF) questioned the endeavor. All in favor of sending a team to assess the benefit to the federation voted in unison. They had won by 53% majority.

The planet is located 7665 parsecs away from NuEarth in the Canis Major constellation. They sent the same team stationed in STC (Coordinated Space Time) +300 light years ahead. The mission's secondary target was to know if it was worth the risk and federation budget.

"Drive ready, Captain. Do you want me to engage?"

"Proceed," Captain Hersh activated his neural log for documentation. The mission began as planned.

"ETA: 3 minutes and 20 seconds."

"What did you say your name was?"

"It's Malcolm, Captain."

"Sir Malcolm, is it?"

Malcolm, the young head commander, nodded his head politely.

"Relax, Sir Malcolm. I can see in your face that you're excited to see them."

"I've commanded several missions, Captain, but this is what I've wanted most."

"You've earned it, no doubt."

In a moment, Deep Field Navigator 1001 reached the destination. A planet appeared before the large space shield, brimming with life.

"What do you think?" Hersh looked at his commander to catch his first reaction.

"Amazing! It's similar to our former Earth in many ways but so different."

"Aurora, locate our last landing location; let us dive in."

"On it, Captain."

The planet welcomed the spacecraft in like an old friend. It has only been 3 NuEarth months since their last visit, but the planet has had centuries. Hersh prepared the landing crew of 4, and with no further delay, their feet touched the surface.

A group of aliens rushed to greet the travelers. Tiny as a small plant, shaped like balls, their body looks transparent with no distinguishable features to differentiate one from another except slightly varying undulations on their body and changing colors.

"They are amazing!" Malcolm looked delighted. But a question remained.

"What is it?" asked Hersh.

"I don't understand, Captain. What are they?"

"We knew of this little mystery the last time we visited, and we hid it from the federation, and now you know."

"They are all the same ones you visited?"

"What do you think?" Hersh came closer. "Look, we have a way of understanding them. As far as we know, we know very little. They communicate differently. They are truly different."

"Like babies."

"That's one way of understanding them."

The aliens moved around them; it seemed like they wanted the travelers to accompany them. Finally, they have all reached what appears to be the center of their habitat.

Malcolm found something that would help the federation in a lot of ways. But chose to exclude it from his log.

By saving them from a catastrophe, the team encountered something special on their planet. The aliens trusted them enough to share a billion-year-old secret with the travelers.

WC: 497

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London-Roma-1980 t1_iwmdldz wrote

Ooh, I like this, very Star Trek feeling to it in a good way.

One thing I'd note: if Sir Malcolm has indeed commandeered several missions, I'm surprised he's allowed to pilot at all. The word you want is "commanded". "Commandeered" means hijacked. It took nothing from the story, though.

A little too bad it ended on the cliffhanger of what the secret was, but word count gonna word count. I'd love to see you expand this in a [PI], though!

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rayonymous t1_iwmifuc wrote

Star Trek Is the inspiration. Indeed it was difficult to come to an end due to the word count. Now that you've mentioned it I'll try to expand this bit in some time. And English is not my first language, I'll have to be careful with my word choice, lol. Thanks for reading and your valuable crit.

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