Absolutely fantastic. The visage of Death was chilling, especially the toothless smile, and keeping the nature of the narrator's hell unknown even to Death themselves was a nice touch. A real "prison of your own making", that Death wasn't omnipresent and didn't know the "barista", blind to the nature or circumstance of the narrator's companion with the very specific attire. Haunting.

The repliers having an issue deriving meaning from your prompt shouldn't feel bad, it's more "high" literature than a simple fiction, and is written specifically to be open to interpretation. When Death mentions "there are many other souls experiencing torture, drowning, bad break ups all up and down the river" most likely Styx (river in Greek mythological purgatory / hell), Death is saying this coffee shop situation is worse than all of those horrible things for this narrator character. Let your imagination go wild with that little tid bit.