I couldn't believe it when I heard an actual person's actual voice. And not just some stupid recording but an actual voice talking back to me. Actually responding to the words I just said? At first I was skeptical, I thought it might be one of those annoying voicemail messages where they pretend like they actually picked up and then it turns out to be a prank and they did not pick up at all. But I tested it by farting into the phone, and she actually responded and asked me if I just farted into the phone. I lied because I was embarrassed and told her I shit my pants to throw her off the trail. This was the first human I've talked to in decades, I wasn't going to fuck this up.

She asked me where I was, and i told her I was in Idaho. She said she was in Florida. We started to make plans to meet each other. At first she wanted me to come to Florida, but I told her there was no way in hell that I would ever go to Florida, even if it was before the apocalypse. We agreed that we should meet in the middle, which was Kansas. Not much better than Florida, but all things considered I figured it was fine.

I started packing up my things. I always end up forgetting one thing when I travel, so I was trying to be extras careful. Towel, underwear, toothbrush, phone charger... Ugh, this is why I hate traveling.

Finally I set off on my adventure. I put on my backpack and started walking. I hoped on the way I would be able to find a running car, otherwise this was going to take a while one foot. Especially a bad knee. I was also worried about all the demon spirits that were flying around ever since the end of the world, but I figured why would a demon spirit want to go to Kansas? I was probably safe.

On our journey, every day we would chat on the phone at night. I started feeling smitten towards her. Despite the fact that she was from Florida she did have some good qualities about her. The main one was that she was alive. All the girls I've talked to in the last twenty years have been dead, so she is doing amazing on that front.

After a couple months I finally arrived in Kansas City. I relax, happy to know I finally can stop walking. I find an empty house that I can live in for the time being. It is not the biggest house on the block, but moving has become incredibly easy even since everybody died so I am not worried about it. I can upgrade whenever I want. I wait for her for a couple weeks, but she is slower than me. She asks me if I could keep walking towards her so that we can meet in the middle.

I tell her we had an agreement and she should stick to it.

She tells me she understands but we could meet sooner if I just put in a little more effort

I tell her that the division of labor was equal, we chose a spot that we equidistant from both of us, so I should not have to feel bad about finishing the task sooner than her.

She says she knows it was equidistant, she is just asking if I can be flexible.

I pack up my bags and move back to Idaho.