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ZwhoWrites t1_j1tbsnw wrote

Well, that sucks.

I’m staring at the bullet frozen in time twenty inches away from my face. When I let the time flow, I’m going to die. Can’t dodge that. No shot.

I sigh ---think of a sigh to be more accurate. Like everything else, I too get frozen in time when time stops.

I got pretty good at thinking myself into doing actions that require moving. It feels really natural pretending that I move. Otherwise the whole racing-mind/frozen-body spooky quantum stringy duality thingy feels even more awkward. Let’s just call my ability --- stopping time--- for what it really is: magic. I have no idea how it works. I’m a wizard. Level twenty Chronomancer. Master of Time who just ran out of time.

So embarrassing.

I think of staring at my feet.

I shouldn’t have tried to stop the bank robbery. Should have just stayed outside and waited for the police. Of course, that was not an option. I think of turning around and glancing at Lina. The girl next door. Well, the girl next door I’ve had a crush on ever since I first saw her. She’s pretty. Like, 10/10 super cute and nice and funny… and she doesn’t even know I exist.

What was I thinking? I’m an idiot. So embarrassing. I pretended to be a superhero and ran to the bank to save a girl. God, I’m an idiot.

I think of people around me going ‘awww’. Yeah, it feels like I’m a low-budget rom-com character and this is all a joke.

Awww.

Thanks. I think of waving to Lina.

Hi Lina.

“Hi Andy,” I think of her saying.

“It’s really embarrassing, ha?”

“Yup.”

“She knows!” another voice says. “We all do.”

Odd. I did not think of that voice saying that.

“Knows what?” I think of me asking.

“We can all hear you!”

“Oh,” I gulp, glancing around. Am I losing it? Everyone is frozen. I did not let the time flow. What on earth is going on?

“I don’t know,” the voice says. It’s coming from a bank teller. “But we can hear your words and thoughts. What is going on?”

I scratch my head. “Well, now... Are you sure?”

“Yes!” the bank crowd says in unison.

“That’s really embarrassing. Lina?”

“Yes?” she asks.

“Can you hear me too?”

“Aha.”

“Oops.”

“Look, Andy, you're an okay guy. Clean, polite, nice. You have an apartment, a stable job and a dog. And, apparently, you’re some kind of a superhero, which is a big plus! A level twenty Chronomancer.”

I scratch my head. “Well, it’s a made-up title. Pun on Necromancer. It’s a D&D thing, you know. But… erm… yes, I can stop time. So, I guess, thanks---”

“Why do you always have to be so awkward?”

“Huh?”

“You dress kind of funny, and you mumble and look away whenever I say hi. Why? Make eye contact. And if you like me, why don’t you just ask me out? Like ‘Hi Lina. Do you want to grab a cup of coffee or something?’ How hard is that?”

I squint my eyes. “But what if you say no?”

“Then we won’t have a cup of coffee! Duh! How old are you?”

“Thirty-three.”

“My God! How do you even breathe? You men---”

“Well, sorry.” I shrug. “I guess I fucked up. Got it! And now it’s kind of late, right? I mean, unless you can move really fast. Then I can unfreeze time and you can do the superhero move or something.” I whistle, slicing my hand through the air in front of me.

“You are moving, you idiot! We’re all frozen and you’re the only one in the entire bank who’s casually waltzing across the room!”

“Oh--- I am?” I am. I’m standing in front of her, gazing into her beautiful eyes, far away from the stupid bullet. “How did that happen?”

“I don’t know! How do you stop time? You’re weird! Oh, and thanks for the compliment. I like when guys notice my eyes. You should do it while we’re drinking that coffee. But not now. And I'm sorry for being rude and calling you an idiot. I'm really freaking out right now.”

“Why?”

“Dude--- bank robbery.”

“Ah, right. Hold on.”

I walk across the room to the bank robber.

“Uhmm…” I say. “Hello there, Mr. Robber.” I gently open the palm of his hand and get his gun. “You won’t need this. Let’s just pretend it didn’t happen. Call it an accident, ha? A bad day. I hold no grudges against you. But you need to leave or I’ll freeze you again and tie you up or lock you up somewhere” --- I flick the tip of his nose --- “or hurt you. And I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I’ll leave,” the robber says. “I promise! Just please let me go.”

I give him two thumbs up, smiling. I walk back across the room, poking with my finger the time-frozen bullet so it aims to the ceiling, then stop in front of Lina. I fix my bowtie and smile.

Do you want to grab a cup of coffee with me?

Then I let the time flow.

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about929 t1_j1v9g7b wrote

I get the feeling that he walked back in front of the path of the bullet to talk to her.

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ZwhoWrites t1_j1ve64n wrote

Hahaha. True. Since you were the second person who commented on that, I've edited a sentence. The edited sentence now reads:

"I walk back across the room, poking with my finger the time-frozen bullet so it aims to the ceiling, then stop in front of Lina."

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Jellan t1_j1wsop9 wrote

Inertia though, surely. Bullet would just continue on its course, only now it’s tumbling rather than just spinning.

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rain-blocker t1_j1xjyvg wrote

If we assume that physics aren't broken, then none of this is possible. This is where suspension of disbelief is useful.

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Flo-Art t1_j1ua8ii wrote

So cute!

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ZwhoWrites t1_j1uqqy6 wrote

Thanks! Glad you liked it.

It was a good prompt for a feel-good story, especially since last couple of my stories were kind of dark and I wanted to do something else.

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xXTheDarkOneXx_ t1_j1ui2so wrote

Ngl, I wanna read way more of this

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ZwhoWrites t1_j1uqfut wrote

Haha. Thanks!
'I want more' is the one of the best replies a writer can get*.
Having that said, I kind of like the way the story ends right now so I don't think I'll do part 2. Kind of feels like an ending to a sappy romantic comedy movie, which is what I was going for. (plus, writing part 2 is hard :) )

Having that said, I also don't want to be that guy who just replies 'no part 2 for you' so here are some thoughts I had about a hypothetical part 2. It's all half-baked stuff I came up while writing this reply. Still hopefully you'll find it somewhat entertaining.

Maybe they go out and grab that coffee and talk about stuff they like and who they are (or whatever ppl talk about on their first dates) and totally vibing and flirting and then doing something totally wholesome/awesome at the end of the date.
There should also be a twist of some kind to make it interesting. Maybe some hints suggesting that Lina has some subtle super power too, like installing confidence in others, but it comes off naturally to her, and we kind of learn about her maybe-power via their conversation. And then you can have a moment where MC is like, 'oh, so this date is happening b/c of your superpower' and feels bad, but then decides that even if she's kind of manipulating/helping him, it's okay coz now he feels more courageous now.
And then, they teleport to Paris (oh, maybe that's what they're talking about --- traveling to romantic places + MC saying that he uses time stop whenever he freaks out + they're flirting with each other all the time) It turns out that teleporting is Lina's real super power and not the mindfucking. And then the story ends with MC saying smth like 'wait, so can I move while time is stopped? or was it you moving me around the bank?' and Lina shrugs, saying 'I don't know. But let's hope we don't have to figure it out tonight. Would be pretty awkward, you know...'

'Know what? What are we doing tonight?'

'Really?" She narrows her eyes. "I mean, really?'

I smile. 'Just kidding.'

I think an ending like would work well, given their personalities.

* Tbh, all positive replies are the best :)

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CaffinatedPanda t1_j1uwkec wrote

I greatly enjoyed it, but the way he described 'looking behind' at Lina and then letting time flow again when he stops in front of her? I thought he got shot anyway in a touching 'Protag gets the girl but fucks it up in the process. Still saves her though' kind of way.

Either ending is good though! I liked it a lot :)

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ZwhoWrites t1_j1uyd8p wrote

hah. Good catch!Yeah, you're right. It seems like the bullet should have hit him. Should have clarified that by adding a sentence where he moves the bullet so it doesn't hit anyone.Thanks for the comment!
EDIT:
Other ppl made similar comments so I edited a sentence. Edited sentence now reads:
"I walk back across the room, poking with my finger the time-frozen bullet so it aims to the ceiling, then stop in front of Lina."

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xXTheDarkOneXx_ t1_j1uuz9f wrote

You’ve gotta be the best at replies ever, I do love the whole idea of it and what you said at the end of the reply was a pretty spicy and satisfying ending to it ngl, if you would prefer, you could make this a short story somewhere (I’m sure there’s a subreddit somewhere lol). Of course, do it in your own time and if you would prefer to leave it that’s fine too. I look forward to some more of your writing :)

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WritingGivesYouWings t1_j1wah7u wrote

I like how human and awkward it feels. Really brings the story to life. Gives it a lot of personality and originality. Great job! Keep up the good work!

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fieryxx t1_j1wkd8p wrote

I like this. My only question is if this actually happened or if he was just playing out the entire thing in his head. But seems you answered it? Maybe?

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ZwhoWrites t1_j1wr6xx wrote

I'd like to believe it happened. Fits better with the vibe, I think :)
But yeah, interesting comment. Didn't occur to me that it could all be just in his head.

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