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Jumbug t1_izp9c7k wrote

Reply to comment by WilliamSyler in [WP] You get a knock. You open the door to see your nemesis, bruised and beaten, with your child. "Just saved their life. Need to go home and rest." Your nemesis turns to leave. You grab their arm. "Hang on. I want you to tell me what happened." You drag them inside. by Crystal1501

IMHO, this is really well done and the pacing is easy to follow.

Two minor nits:

  • "Windster" is only mentioned at the end. It doesn't seem necessary to hide that information. I think it would be clearer if you mentioned his name when you mention "that new speedster".

  • Your description at the end of "basically illegal take-downs of corruption", suggest that Darkstar is more vigilante than villian. I think you could add something in the beginning, in addition to the pain of losing his wife, identity exposed, and such, that Darkstar is worried about who will hold the corrupt accountable and punish them for abusing trust (which also plays into a vigilante also breaking trust with the law and it's processes). I think it's great that Valor introduces the idea that Darkstar has never hurt anyone rather than have Darkstar reveal that.

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