So, it's weird how I ended up here. I have memories, like a dream almost, but one that I have on a recurring basis. Big battle, I have some magical abilities, my enemy banishes me to Hell, and I wake up in my apartment. Which, isn't Hell, but some days, my job feels like it.

The woman had to be six and a half foot tall. She towered over me by a foot almost. She waited in line at the print shop and stared at me the entire time while I waited on secretaries getting stationary, grandmothers getting pictures printed off of SD cards or worse, their phones, and people needing help with the self service scanning and copying services. I did all of this cheerfully, I enjoyed the job. Even when there were frustrated or rude customers, my manager was quick to come out and diffuse things. It was great. When the woman stood in front of me, she stared at me with a smirk on her face silently for a solid 30 seconds after I asked how I could help her. Finally she spoke.

"it was wrong of me to banish you from our world after your defeat my evil nemesis. Please come back with me so we may relive our glorious battles of the past!" her voice was booming and filled the entire store like she had somehow gotten on the PA system. The store manager bolted out of the office and almost ran over to my counter.

"Yes Ma'am, how can I help you?"

"Let this one leave so we may continue our battles." Her eyes never moved away from me.

"Corporate doesn't pay you enough to deal with this Mark." I said while rolling my eyes. "I don't know this woman."

"Of COURSE you know me! It is I who sent you here to this hellscape!"

People around us were starting to look around. I saw panic in some of their faces. I noticed that the woman was armed with a wicked looking dagger and sword hidden under her designer over cloak. I'm sure some of them were worried she was going to start swinging.

"Hey, Um Mark, I tell you what, it's time for my lunch, let me just go OUTSIDE and talk with this customer and you can have agent 99 come take over for me." I didn't take my eyes from her gaze while saying it.

"Are you sure, about going outside? I am sure about having agent 99 come to cover of course."

"Yeah, it's not like she's going to behead me here. Right?" I pulled off my apron and set it on the counter shelf. "I'll be back in an hour, boss." I walked out from behind the counter and noticed Mark dialing the phone. That would be for the Police who are 'agent 99' in our retail code.

I walked to the bench in front of the store and sat down. I waited for the obviously crazy person to join me. "Please sit. I don't bite."

There was hesitation, then she sat down beside me. One hand on her dagger hilt.

"Don't worry, I won't give you a reason to use that. So, you found me." I sat looking at the cars driving by, pigeons in the parking lot, and just the general calm of the late morning.

"I was wrong..." There was a pause. I know it took a lot for her to utter those words.

"Yes, I heard inside. But why are you here. You WON. To me, this was all dreams that played in my head over and over, by the way, but this world, for all it's faults is so much better than the one you banashed me from."

"Better? You have no magic. You toil, daily for the common folk. How is that better?"

I took a deep breath and thought about how I could begin to explain how much I liked this world better than that last one.

"Have you heard of indoor plumbing? How about refrigeration? Supermarkets? Cars, PLANES?" I had only recently taken my first trip in a plane. It was scary but amazing. Everyone in the flight crew talked about how brave I was to fly for the first time at my age. Because, well, I looked like I was in my 90s. I'm closer to 300, I suppose.

I noticed the police car rolling up slowly. I knew the officer behind the wheel. He looked very nervous. I waved at him with a big smile. I nodded in the direction of the giantess next to me and smiled with a thumbs up. Hopefully, he wouldn't escalate things.

"Hey, is everything okay here?" He got out of the car and adjusted his night stick.

"Everything is great. This is my, well, she's a friend from my old town. She just came by to see if I wanted to move back home." I started to stand up to shake his hand, and he quickly motioned for me not to get up. Everyone here thinks I frail, I think.

"Friend? Does your friend know that carrying swords makes her look dangerous?"

"I am dangerous..."

"What she means is that she knows. But a lady can't be too careful these days, you know."

"Are you sure you are alright? " the officer asked. I nodded yes.

"Absolutely. She was going to show me her Ren Faire getup. I guess she forgot to put the peace knots on them. It's fine. Would you let Mike know everything is okay please? I know he worries about me. He thinks I'm OLD!" and I laughed.

With the officer gone, I turned to look at my old adversary. "Is it boring here? Yes, quite often. But I am not conquering the lands, my magic would get me noticed, and I am loving my retirement. Thank you. Why do you want to fight anyways?"

"It's BORING at home! "

"Oh NONSENSE!" I couldn't believe she would say such a thing. "You won! You have the love of the people, countless slaves to do your bidding, more gold than you can count."

"I have the fear of the people, slaves who conspire for freedom, and that gold just keeps moving out to pay for the people, safety and other things. How did you do it?"

"I treated the slaves like people. They might have had the title of slaves, but they were my people who lived under my rule. Mistreating one would get someone lashes. They worked the land, yes, they paid taxes to me but it was more often than not in food. I managed hunting on my lands to keep from harvesting too many deer, but I had them farm cattle and sheep for food, too."

"But... you have none of that now?"

"Sure. YOU have it. You defeated me, remember."

"I'm offering you a chance to go back."

"I am declining. This particular afterlife agrees with me. Besides, I'm dead there. How could you explain it? That you went and brought me back because you need someone to focus the people's ire on?"

"But... Your magic. Don't you miss your magic?"

"Not a bit. They have science here. Works great. Plus, I work my magic in other ways. I want for basically nothing. I have a nice apartment with hot and cold running water! I am a little old man here, and well, that suits me. It's been a lovely chat, come back and visit again sometime, but leave your swords at home, you won't need them."

"What if I force you to come with me?" there was a threat in her tone.

"Mbaraick!" I pointed out at a light post in the parking lot in front of us. There wasn't a cloud in the sky, but a giant bolt of lightning struck the pole drawing from the blue. The thunder was instantaneous and shook the windows. Car alarms went off throughout the parking lot.

I turned to her and smiled. "Run along now. But do come back if you want to be civil about it. Learn how to lead the people, not just the military. I'm sure you can do it."

She scowled and pulled out a wand opening the portal back home. "I'll never understand you." and she stepped through to disappear.