“Hi Sharona. Are you planning on buying something or are you just here to torture me some more?”

The tall pale woman in a red dress looks back at me, her eyes pleading. “Please come back Griselda. I miss our battles.”

I roll my eyes. Back on our home planet, I was a scrawny girl who got picked on by the popular kids. When I finally succeeded in making a name for myself as a scientist who could stop the impending doom, naive, money-grabbing adults like Sharona convinced themselves that I was leading them astray.

After Sharona rejected the medicine that would keep them from the effects of the tremendous doom that awaited anyone who hadn’t gotten their medicine, she started to go insane. She and her little cultists convinced themselves that I was evil, and plotting to take over the world.

I, for one, was appalled. I had just saved the world, and the thanks I got was the image of a villainous witch. I was done. I figured there would be some other place where I could go and try to help people.

Fortunately, the world where I ended up had no impending doom. Nature thrived, science was at its peak, and medicine allowed people to live off of clean energy for a long time. I finally got to pursue what I really loved — caring for wounded animals.

Today, of all days, one of the cashiers had called to tell us she was taking one of her mental health days. I usually worked in the animal clinic itself, but I agreed to take over the small business shop that offered remedies and small trinkets for pet owners.

I look back at Sharona. “I like it here. I’m happy here. And best of all, people respect me here. I hope that you figure out your issues, Sharona. But I tried to help, and you rejected me. So no more battles. Either buy something, or go away.”

Sharona’s eyes burn fiery red. “Fine. Be like that.” Turning sharply on her five inch heels, she struts away.

I roll my eyes again. Some people have no idea what the damage of their privilege can do. I hope her world can survive her ignorance.

Xul kept his eyes down, scowling slightly as her voice drew confused glances from random customers. In a flash he swept the woman’s assorted items above his scanner, shoved them into a branded canvas bag and nudged the package in her direction.

“I’m on the clock, Armie. Cash or card?”

“Card please.” She murmured, before stretching back to her impressive full height and letting her voice once more fill the room, “Doesn’t our rivalry supersede your little play-pretend as a regular mortal?”

Behind the counter, well out of sight of the shopping crowd, Xul’s fists balled. Spotting the top of Mark’s bare head bobbing among the shelves, he stifled the urge to snap at the unwelcome visitor.

“Thank you for shopping at Grab n’ Go market, please visit again, goodbye.”

As he rattled off the corporate-mandated phrase, the cold detachment in his tone made it obvious he wasn’t speaking from the heart.

“Sleep with one eye open, fiend!” She snatched her bounty, conspicuously pinching the tote closed rather than simply letting it hang by the handles as she beelined for the automated doors of the small convenience store.

As the clerk watched her leave, his expression caused the next in line to hesitate slightly before approaching. Before he could attend to them, a small brown-haired shape shuffled to his side.

“Mr. Xul?”

“Hi Cassie - what’s up?”

“Manager says I should work the register for a bit. I think he wants to talk to you out back.”

“F-f…” He stopped himself, exercising iron will. “Thanks. Give me a shout if you need help.”

She nodded happily and went straight to work, the disparity in their heights drawing a few scattered chuckles.

In the meantime, Xul cut towards the employee lot, carefully weaving around people staring wistfully at racks of cream-filled confectionaries and snacks. While he wasn’t anywhere as powerful as he used to be, someone of his general mass hitting a wiry high-schooler still wouldn’t be pretty. At last, he made it through no-man’s land, exiting the store and taking a long breath of fresh, cold fall air.

Another few feet away, a bald man with a fearsome, well-groomed beard puffed on a ratty cigarette he had no doubt found loose in a pocket moments ago. He acknowledged Xul with a silent nod.

“Mark, I’m sorry, man - I swear I’ve told her to leave me al-”

The manager put one palm up, muting him, then used the same hand to pat the bench next to him.

“You’re fine, don’t worry. It ain’t like that.”

Mark’s voice was low, even, and had the inexplicable quality of bringing some calm to even the most tortured souls - of course, by human standards. The actual tortured souls Xul led in battle were never quite as open to diplomacy.

Xul took a seat next to the man, politely waving away the wordless offer to smoke. Even sitting he was roughly half a head taller than him, and that was without horns. How he missed those.

“She your ex?”

Xul turned to stare at the bald man, eyes wide in sheer shock.

“Ah.” He swallowed the torrent of horrific curses that welled up in his throat, “No.”

Mark simply chuckled, his eyes locked on the skyline in the distance. “Well, she’s obsessed with you, she’s gorgeous, and I think you… speak her language, if that makes sense?”

Xul sighed - yes, he did indeed speak her language. Because of that, he always noticed when she let loose an odd turn of phrase, or awkwardly translated an idiom from their mother tongue. Of course, that wasn't what the other man meant. Though he would never allow himself to pity her, he had noticed a lot of human things Armistra struggled with.

“She’s just weird. I used to help out at a theater camp, so I know how to play along.”

“Nah.”

Mark’s sudden rejection immediately drew Xul’s concern - had his boss begun to catch on? Was he beginning to suspect there was something strange and otherworldly about her? He nervously scratched at a spot on his neck, waiting with bated breath as the laconic man finished his cigarette and stomped it out.

“I mean. Yeah, maybe.” Mark absentmindedly combed his hand through his beard, searching for the right words to express what he’d noticed. “I used to have a friend who’s a bit like that. He was sort of spacy, and out there. Sometimes stuff that seemed everyday went way over his head. He was a novelty. A character.”

“Sounds like her, I guess.”

“But that’s not all there is to him, right? He has the same worries and concerns as everyone else. Wants to live happy, eat well, share time with people he likes. Everyone's the same like that, but he just doesn’t know all the shorthand. Unspoken rules.”

Xul nodded, though he had to admit he was a bit lost. Armistra was a character - her bravado, her seeming inability to feel ashamed, her single-minded obsession with some prophecy. No matter how hard he thought about her, he couldn’t imagine her doing something normal, like crashing on a couch, or preparing one of the five ramen cups she bought weekly. If he could go from being a ruthless general to worrying about making a good impression on his new coworker, couldn’t she too? Had she ever been kept awake wondering if she would ever feel at home again, like him?

“Oh.” As his mind raced, the former warlord could only utter a quiet word.

Mark got up, pushing against his knees and grunting in a way that seemed - for a moment - to add another 20 years to his already youthless demeanor.

“Hey, you said you had this friend? What happened to him?”

A hefty hand clapped Xul’s back, and he looked up to see a faint smile on the other man’s face, pulling up the corners of his eyes.

“He got better with a little help.”

Xul watched Mark disappear back inside the store, utterly lost for words. For a few quiet moments, he stared down at the concrete paving between his boots. Slowly, his hand produced a cheap smartphone, tabbing through his contact list before settling on one. He took a deep breath and hit the call button.

One ring. Another. Another. He rubbed his brow with a free hand, pre-emptively regretting what he was about to do.

Another ring was cut short, followed by a maddened scramble and cacophony of shuffling sounds before he heard a woman’s voice - she was unbelievably loud, even over the phone.

“Accursed machine! How does anyone know how to use this damned thing!?” Xul heard a few dial tones come through as she fumbled with her phone on the other end of the line. “Who calls me, and what do you want?”

“Ah. Hey. Hi. Are you… are you free after 6 today? I think we should talk.”

So, it's weird how I ended up here. I have memories, like a dream almost, but one that I have on a recurring basis. Big battle, I have some magical abilities, my enemy banishes me to Hell, and I wake up in my apartment. Which, isn't Hell, but some days, my job feels like it.

The woman had to be six and a half foot tall. She towered over me by a foot almost. She waited in line at the print shop and stared at me the entire time while I waited on secretaries getting stationary, grandmothers getting pictures printed off of SD cards or worse, their phones, and people needing help with the self service scanning and copying services. I did all of this cheerfully, I enjoyed the job. Even when there were frustrated or rude customers, my manager was quick to come out and diffuse things. It was great. When the woman stood in front of me, she stared at me with a smirk on her face silently for a solid 30 seconds after I asked how I could help her. Finally she spoke.

"it was wrong of me to banish you from our world after your defeat my evil nemesis. Please come back with me so we may relive our glorious battles of the past!" her voice was booming and filled the entire store like she had somehow gotten on the PA system. The store manager bolted out of the office and almost ran over to my counter.

"Yes Ma'am, how can I help you?"

"Let this one leave so we may continue our battles." Her eyes never moved away from me.

"Corporate doesn't pay you enough to deal with this Mark." I said while rolling my eyes. "I don't know this woman."

"Of COURSE you know me! It is I who sent you here to this hellscape!"

People around us were starting to look around. I saw panic in some of their faces. I noticed that the woman was armed with a wicked looking dagger and sword hidden under her designer over cloak. I'm sure some of them were worried she was going to start swinging.

"Hey, Um Mark, I tell you what, it's time for my lunch, let me just go OUTSIDE and talk with this customer and you can have agent 99 come take over for me." I didn't take my eyes from her gaze while saying it.

"Are you sure, about going outside? I am sure about having agent 99 come to cover of course."

"Yeah, it's not like she's going to behead me here. Right?" I pulled off my apron and set it on the counter shelf. "I'll be back in an hour, boss." I walked out from behind the counter and noticed Mark dialing the phone. That would be for the Police who are 'agent 99' in our retail code.

I walked to the bench in front of the store and sat down. I waited for the obviously crazy person to join me. "Please sit. I don't bite."

There was hesitation, then she sat down beside me. One hand on her dagger hilt.

"Don't worry, I won't give you a reason to use that. So, you found me." I sat looking at the cars driving by, pigeons in the parking lot, and just the general calm of the late morning.

"I was wrong..." There was a pause. I know it took a lot for her to utter those words.

"Yes, I heard inside. But why are you here. You WON. To me, this was all dreams that played in my head over and over, by the way, but this world, for all it's faults is so much better than the one you banashed me from."

"Better? You have no magic. You toil, daily for the common folk. How is that better?"

I took a deep breath and thought about how I could begin to explain how much I liked this world better than that last one.

"Have you heard of indoor plumbing? How about refrigeration? Supermarkets? Cars, PLANES?" I had only recently taken my first trip in a plane. It was scary but amazing. Everyone in the flight crew talked about how brave I was to fly for the first time at my age. Because, well, I looked like I was in my 90s. I'm closer to 300, I suppose.

I noticed the police car rolling up slowly. I knew the officer behind the wheel. He looked very nervous. I waved at him with a big smile. I nodded in the direction of the giantess next to me and smiled with a thumbs up. Hopefully, he wouldn't escalate things.

"Hey, is everything okay here?" He got out of the car and adjusted his night stick.

"Everything is great. This is my, well, she's a friend from my old town. She just came by to see if I wanted to move back home." I started to stand up to shake his hand, and he quickly motioned for me not to get up. Everyone here thinks I frail, I think.

"Friend? Does your friend know that carrying swords makes her look dangerous?"

"I am dangerous..."

"What she means is that she knows. But a lady can't be too careful these days, you know."

"Are you sure you are alright? " the officer asked. I nodded yes.

"Absolutely. She was going to show me her Ren Faire getup. I guess she forgot to put the peace knots on them. It's fine. Would you let Mike know everything is okay please? I know he worries about me. He thinks I'm OLD!" and I laughed.

With the officer gone, I turned to look at my old adversary. "Is it boring here? Yes, quite often. But I am not conquering the lands, my magic would get me noticed, and I am loving my retirement. Thank you. Why do you want to fight anyways?"

"It's BORING at home! "

"Oh NONSENSE!" I couldn't believe she would say such a thing. "You won! You have the love of the people, countless slaves to do your bidding, more gold than you can count."

"I have the fear of the people, slaves who conspire for freedom, and that gold just keeps moving out to pay for the people, safety and other things. How did you do it?"

"I treated the slaves like people. They might have had the title of slaves, but they were my people who lived under my rule. Mistreating one would get someone lashes. They worked the land, yes, they paid taxes to me but it was more often than not in food. I managed hunting on my lands to keep from harvesting too many deer, but I had them farm cattle and sheep for food, too."

"But... you have none of that now?"

"Sure. YOU have it. You defeated me, remember."

"I'm offering you a chance to go back."

"I am declining. This particular afterlife agrees with me. Besides, I'm dead there. How could you explain it? That you went and brought me back because you need someone to focus the people's ire on?"

"But... Your magic. Don't you miss your magic?"

"Not a bit. They have science here. Works great. Plus, I work my magic in other ways. I want for basically nothing. I have a nice apartment with hot and cold running water! I am a little old man here, and well, that suits me. It's been a lovely chat, come back and visit again sometime, but leave your swords at home, you won't need them."

"What if I force you to come with me?" there was a threat in her tone.

"Mbaraick!" I pointed out at a light post in the parking lot in front of us. There wasn't a cloud in the sky, but a giant bolt of lightning struck the pole drawing from the blue. The thunder was instantaneous and shook the windows. Car alarms went off throughout the parking lot.

I turned to her and smiled. "Run along now. But do come back if you want to be civil about it. Learn how to lead the people, not just the military. I'm sure you can do it."

She scowled and pulled out a wand opening the portal back home. "I'll never understand you." and she stepped through to disappear.

"Return of the Nemesis"

​

It was wrong of me to defeat and banish you,

My evil nemesis, from our world so true.

Please come back, so we can resume,

Our glorious battles of yore, with no excuse.

​

But as I stand here, rolling my eyes,

Behind the counter, with a heavy sigh,

I realize that corporate doesn't pay,

Enough for this, to fight and play.

​

So as much as I'd love to engage,

In epic battles, filled with rage,

I must decline, for my paycheck's sake,

And bid you farewell, for my own sake.

​

But know that deep down, I still yearn,

For the days when our battles did burn,

And the sparks of victory did ignite,

In the battles, between wrong and right.

...I need you; as you are my other half, the reason why I get up from bed...

The same hollow dialogue, the same empty girl. Another day I have to deal with this... I click the register, to count the money. The day is nearly ending, and we have to count the bills before transferring the money to the safe and then to the bank. It easy and simple... doesn’t requires extensive formation such as a degree in any professional career.

Perfect for an outcast like me.

...Your schemes to maintain your power in our reality were legendary, why would you leave them for this small existence?...

Again with this verse. Last week you used the same line in order to verbally butter me up to your demands.

It was such a good place my old reality. Rise up, check the field, the people tending them. Go to the mines, make sure the prisoners were still alive... The basics of the “evil” overlord. While I abhor this term, I can reason the reason why said description. It is quite inhumane, but a necessity.

The world needed balance. Too much evil can turn the world in a hellish plane, with “Angels” raining death in order to clean the slate, and start anew.

Too much good... Goodness, you don’t want to know what happens when there was too much good...

...People counted on you for many things, now I see...

Ok, this line is new... I just bother to raise a hand to ask the “heroine”...

What happened? I just ask.

And she coyly looks the other way...

I put down my cup of coffee, black naturally, and give the golden-haired woman before me a long-suffering look. There was a time when that look of pleading desperation in her eyes would have stirred something in me. I would have bathed in that delicious agony for as long as I could, savouring her torment like a fine wine. Now, there was nothing. Not even pity. I shuffled the papers besides me idly and, as the moment stretched on, it became increasingly clear she was not leaving. I sighed again, “Marihka, I am not sure what silly little game this is, but I am not returning. I quite like it here, actually.”

She stared at me, her eyes of amber so utterly pure and utterly shocked. Ah, there was some stirring at that. A hint of a yearning to pluck them from her head. I tamped that down immediately; I would not give her such satisfaction as to try. “You like it here?” She asked, voice flooded with utmost disbelief, and she made a wide, sweeping gesture to beige walls and sad, peeling motivational posters about kittens hanging from tree branches, and the scent of stale cigarette smoke and weeks-old coffee, “Here? I know that to be a lie without even needing to use the True Seeing. I am not above begging. What I did was a mistake!”

I pursed my lips, an eyebrow twitching upwards, “A mistake? You spent two decades in war with me, Marihka of the Sundered Vale. You swore upon me eternal vengeance by the blood of your mother and the bones of your father. You rallied half a continent against me and wiped three cities from the map in your quest to undo me. Yet now…. Now you regret it? I am many things, child, but I am no fool. I do not believe you.”

Hah, and there was the old anger, sparking bright in her. More fitting and familiar than her pathetic begging. She’d always hated when I called her a child. “Damn you, Nukhri I am telling you the truth! Do you have any idea what it is like, back home? The balance is broken completely. Everything is… stagnant, stale. It was fine, at first. Peaceful. Rebuilding. Everything prospered… but now? It just… keeps going. There’s no change any more. There’s no striving! It’s like there’s an indolence growing in the very heart of the world. The colours are too bright.”

I paused, frowned at her, tilting my head, “You’re going to appeal to some fantasy of cosmic balance to justify the fact that you are bored?” I couldn’t help it, laughter bubbled forth uncontrollably in a way it hadn’t for so very long. Stereotypically evil laughter, mayhap, but we all have to have our vices. “Oh! Oh that is delicious. You, who were always going on about the burdens of being Chosen. You, who always spoke of what would come after. You, who dreamt so dearly of peace. And now it is come, you cannot stand it!” The smile that came then was a cruel thing, I admit, a smile like a knife, a smile that had drawn blood once, “Then why should I not leave you to it? Oh certainly my standing in this plane is much reduced… but it is worth it if it hurts you my dear old enemy.”

Her lip curled, anger flashed in her eyes like lightning. Oh, her righteous anger had always been so beautiful. “You always were a spiteful little prick!” she spat, “But no, I do not miss the fighting. The dying. The friends I’ve lost. But I see now that we need you. Or something like you. Something to remind us that we must always strive for a better world. Without you, without something like you to encompass their darkness the people lose sight of themselves.”

I stood up, rounded the desk. She tensed as I drew near, but she did not flinch when I touched her chin, stroked her cheek, “Oh my dear, that’s not my problem.” I let go and she growled low in her throat. It sent a shiver of the old anticipation down my spine – would she draw blade upon me, here? Would it be that easy to get a rise out of her? Ah, but no, I could see her exert that vexingly adamant will of her’s. The dangerous moment passed. I tried not to allow that to disappoint me; if I allowed myself to get drawn in by that seductive memory of truly striving against a worthy foe… well, she might end up getting her way, and I couldn’t have that.

“Besides,” I drawled, “I can do far more evil here than ever I could back home. Here, in this petty little company, I have spread misery to thousands with their far-speaker devices, and with a stroke of my pen I have consigned a million to languish in suffering. Medical insurance, on balance, is far more efficient to draw power from than any continent-spanning tyranny. I even have a dental plan.”

She looked disgusted, and I indulged in her despite for an all too brief moment until it curdled into something sour. I hid a grimace and… wait, what was she doing to her face? What was that? Was that… was that pity? She dared?! “Is this what you are reduced to in your exile, Nukhri? Middle management spreading petty misery. I do not think that can long satisfy you. You were an emperor, a god-king who reigned fifteen centuries upon a throne of obsidian and sacrifices. Where you walked, people knelt in supplication, and when you spoke your words resounded to the four corners of the world. Your slightest whim was the life-command of a million servants and a thousand legions. You cannot tell me that you are content here, having lost all of that. You were many things, but small was never one of them.”

I sneered at her, “I sentence people to slow and painful death more often than not I shall have you know. Besides, that throne was one of the most hellishly uncomfortable things in all Creation. I am well rid of it. I mean, have you ever tried sitting on obsidian?”

She gave me a long look, “If you come back, I’ll buy you a cushion.”

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