[OT] Poetry Corner: Chasing Dreams!

Submitted by OldBayJ t3_10fempa in WritingPrompts

###The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. -Eleanor Roosevelt

#Welcome to the Poetry Corner

Let’s face it, poetry is a strange land for many of us. What makes a poem? Does it have to rhyme? Follow a structure and meter? Does it have to be based in emotion? All these are great questions. Poetry comes in all forms and styles, rhyming and non-rhyming, metered and freeform. Some poems even tell a fictional story, like prose does!

In this monthly feature, we’ll explore different types of poetry. Each month, I will provide you with a simple theme and an additional constraint to inspire you. Poetry is often shorter than prose, so word choice is important. Less words means each word does more. Be sure to read the entire post before submitting!  

#This Month’s Challenge

Theme: Chasing Dreams IP | MP
Bonus Constraint: Poem includes at least 2 of the following words -
time | cloud | sacrifice | fade | emerge | victorious

This month we’re going to explore the theme of ‘ chasing dreams’. They say no dream is too big, no dreamer too small; it’s never too late to turn your dreams into a reality. So, what are your dreams and goals for the future? What do you desire the most? What would you do to accomplish those things; what sacrifices are you prepared to make to make this come true? Or maybe you’re moving mountains to turn someone else’s dreams into a reality. Why is this important to you?

These are just a few ideas to get you started. You can interpret the theme any way you like as long as the connection is clear and you follow all sub and post rules. I’ve included an image and song for additional inspiration. The bonus constraint is not required, but is worth 5 additional points. Don’t forget to leave feedback on at least one other poem by the deadline!

###Deadlines
Important Note: You must leave feedback on at least one other poem by the deadline listed below. It is a requirement. See “Point Breakdown” for specifics.
- Submission deadline: Wednesday, January 25th at 11:59pm EST - Feedback & Nomination deadline: Tuesday, February 14th at 11:59pm EST

#How To Participate

  • Submit a 60 - 350 word poem, inspired by the theme, as a top-level comment below. You have until next Wednesday at 11:59pm EST. Please note that for this particular feature, poems must be at least 60 words. Low-effort poems will be removed.
  • Use wordcounter.net to check your word count. The title is not counted in your final word count. Poems under 60 words or over 350 will be disqualified.
  • No pre-written content allowed. Submitted poems should be written for this post, exclusively, and follow all post and subreddit rules.
  • **Leave feedback on at least one other poem by Tuesday, February 14th at 11:59pm EST (this is required). You will receive 5 points for each actionable crit, up to 25 points. Super Critters (those who leave more than 5) will receive 2 Crit Credits to use on r/WPCritique.
  • **Nominate your favorite poems from the thread using this form, by February 14th at 11:59pm EST. You get points just for making nominations!
  • Please be respectful and civil in all feedback and discussion. We welcome writers of all skill levels and experience here, as we’re all here to improve and sharpen our skills. Uncivil or discouraging comments will not be tolerated and may result in further mod actions.
  • Be creative and have fun! If you have any questions, feel free to ask them on the stickied comment on this thread or via modmail. Top-level comments are reserved for poem submissions.

#Point Breakdown Rankings work on a point-based system. You can earn points by completing the following things.

  • Use of theme (required): 20 points
  • Actionable Feedback (at least 1 required): 5 points each (up to 25 pts.)
  • User nominations: 10 points each (no cap)
  • Mod Choice: 40 pts for first, 30 pts for second, and 20 pts for third (plus regular nominations)
  • Use of bonus constraint (optional): 5 - 10 points, varies by month
  • Submitting votes for your favorites: 5 points (total)
  • Bonus: Users who go above and beyond providing critiques on the thread (more than the 5 actionable crits) will receive 2 free Crit Creds to use on r/WPCritique.

Note: *Actionable feedback should be constructive, something that the author can use to improve. Feedback can also be positive, like what you enjoyed, how it made you feel, parts that flowed particularly well, images that stood out, etc.

#Rankings There weren’t enough submissions for a full ranking set, so there’s just one Spotlight for “Serendipity” month.

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  • Looking for more feedback on your stories? Check out our newest sub, r/WPCritique!
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Comments

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Spiritual_Lie2563 t1_j4xxbjj wrote

It used to be that I had all of the time in the world

to make my name

That was yesterday

It used to be that your honors kept being unfurled

now I ended up tame

youth has gone away

And the hopes that I would reach you

have faded like a sun-bleached poster

gone

with the coming of the dawn

Used to think I'd die before I grow old

Now I'm old before I die

No matter how hot blooded I get in the cold

More proof that I couldn't be the guy

And all the thoughts that I could reach you

making me able to chill the most here

sacrificed

and I still don't get to make nice

I emerge to shaking,

never making any sense

a victorious secret

made up to be in the past tense

And all the hopes that I could reach you

Won't happen until I'm on my cloud

Life just had me plowed

Youth is over, too damn sober to let it go

The cocoon's open, the dream must go then, to let you know

To let you know

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atcroft t1_j5xg3y8 wrote

Enjoyed it.

If you want to have it retain your line lengths rather than trying to flow them together, place 2-3 spaces at the end of the line. That can turn:

Line 1 Line 2 Line 3

into:

Line 1
Line 2
Line 3

(The only difference in the above is that the second set had three (3) spaces at the end of the line.)

Hope that might be useful.

3

moinatx t1_j60pt9e wrote

"a victorious secret made up to be in the past tense." I love this line. This poem has a great spoken word quality to it. Enjoyed reading it.

2

Evalona_Bologna t1_j4z7jd0 wrote

Chasing all my hopes and dreams
Is full time work, or so it seems
The plethora of paths to choose is daunting
I fear the flight to reach cloud nine
Where I can pray that I'll be fine
And find my satisfaction's not found wanting

Hearkening to inner voices:
"Sacrifice the other choices;
Bleed and sweat until you reach your goal!"
If thoughts creep in of getting paid
The luster of the chase will fade
Until the dream becomes an empty hole

No happy ending will emerge
If 'dreams' and 'chasing' don't converge
To unify in purposeful pursuit
The destination's glorious
But I won't be victorious
Unless I love the journey, it's all moot

Ever since I was a child
Thoughts to entertain ran wild
The dream of writing always had me smitten
But I came wholly unprepared
To find that starting has me scared
That I might really wanted to 'have written'

5

Spiritual_Lie2563 t1_j5dc19n wrote

A very good piece- the view of the struggle helps the method. Bolding the words you used for the prompt helps to clarify it well. I always appreciate actual schemes and trying to make it work on a technical scale.

2

HedgeKnight t1_j5129sd wrote

“Expired”

She had tunnel vision to an outside dream
Crimson passions spawning duplicitous schemes

She saw my life
ripe for the taking

I thought she gave me a dose
of some experimental drug
prescribed off-label
by something in a parallel universe
where everything had worked out for us
I left it in the medicine cabinet
beyond the lifespan of forgiveness
until I felt safe throwing it out

The act of cleaning gives me time to consider
that she wanted my life
not to take
but to have
or to trade
a fair dream in any universe
alas, it’s faded
expired

3

moinatx t1_j526o6y wrote

I liked this a lot. I especially love the way you tied ideas like medication and space in different ways throughout the poem. The tone and mood are well managed. Sometimes poetry with this sort of heartbreak/loss don't work. This does.

2

bantamnerd t1_j5foyxg wrote

‘’Love, don’t let it fade.’’ It's an encouraging request, 

and who am I, denying it? Relent - what I do best 

and nod a bit, and smile a bit, and give my very word 

that I'll continue writing, won't deflate you. Think I heard 

a stirring of false promises from back there in my head - 

but nothing worth examining. We’ll focus then instead 

on making up a story, something never seen before - 

it’s going to be beautiful, departure from the form 

and everything that makes it. I will pen a new cliche, 

and looking then will tell them that I didn’t let it fade 

 

So why are words not coming? There’s my head, and there’s a page 

but without a thing to link them. And I’m surely at a stage 

where these things should all be working. Rather doubt blank pages sell 

there's something burning brightly, they all say - I can’t quite tell 

if there’s anything at all in there. The spark is all used up, 

but the spark - I think - is all I have. Get by with that and luck 

and everything just sort of works? And falls out into place 

pentameter, most usually, but who am I to chase 

a different sort of meter when I don’t know where to start - 

I’m relying on a less-than-understanding of this art - 

and where, then, does it leave me? When it leaves me - if it was - 

ever here, that is, in earnest, and they weren't confused or crossed 

with blithe and bullish certainty. I hate to disappoint, 

but nothing's really special here: no reason to anoint 

my brain as bearing something that's a fire to be fed - 

there's better pyres out there, better warm to them instead 

of this iambic rambling. I fear their love's misplaced, 

and much more sure than I am that there's something to be shaped 

from all of this. Emerge now, words: be nonsense, please, just be - 

and spark or not, I'll try it out. I'll write. And fade? We'll see. 

 

Cheers for reading! Any feedback much appreciated :)

3

moinatx t1_j60qqm2 wrote

"ther's my head and there's the page." You capture the experience of trying to write very well in this poem.

2

Tomorrow_Is_Today1 t1_j5wfm8q wrote

I see you when I close my eyes
and underneath the covers
Your face and voice as I perceive
follow me into my dreams.

Sometimes we sit atop a cloud
and stare up at the stars
and find more people close to us
and talk about our deepest thoughts.

More often, though, it’s in the settings
where I know you best.
We sit together in your classroom
and you see my hidden pieces unfold.

Those dreams are the scariest
because I want them to be real
But I’m too scared to sacrifice the relationship we have
in wanting to share something more.

Maybe time will make me brave.
Maybe I’ll say the words I so want to say.
But for now, I open my eyes
until the image fades.

3

atcroft t1_j5xe31t wrote

Standing on the precipice,
I look over the edge.
Above me the goal,
Below the demons.

The soul-suckers,
Self-doubt, fear, misgivings
Reach up from the pit
Trying to ensnare.

The edge crumbles
As they reach for me.
Can I sacrifice worry in time to fly
Before they pull me down?

One step, one leap,
Time to decide.
Will I fall or
Will I emerge victorious?

(Word count: 65. Please let me know what you like/dislike about the post. Thank you in advance for your time and attention. Other works can also be found linked in r/atcroft_wordcraft.)

3

moinatx t1_j60qix8 wrote

Effective idea to personify negativity as demons. I like the ambiguity at the end. If I have one criticism it's that this feels like an analysis of the experience of fear and doubt without a lot of the emotionality. Perhaps revealing what's at stake - what is the goal would give the reader greater buy-in.

3

Tomorrow_Is_Today1 t1_j60pzr8 wrote

Great poem, atcroft! I really like the approach you took where it's grounded in physical imagery while still getting across a clear message.

I have a hard time finding something to crit. I guess something I'd like a bit more of is details on the flying or the leap. From the perspective of the physical world you've set, is it jumping and catching hold of something ("Above me the goal"), or is it more of just straight up flying and the goal is up in the sky?

I really like the rhythm of this piece. It flows together well without sounding monotonous. With the flow as consistent as it mostly was, I did notice the lines "Can I sacrifice worry in time to fly / Before they pull me down?" were a bit longer than the ones before them, and while it didn't stick out a ton it's definitely noticeable.

Good words!

2

OldBayJ OP t1_j4w9qs6 wrote

#Welcome to the Poetry Corner!

  • Use top-level comments for poems based on the the theme. (Low-effort poems will be removed)

  • If you have questions or suggestions for future themes, or just want to chat about the feature, use this stickied comment.

Good words!

1

moinatx t1_j56fr83 wrote 

When a pessimist dares to dream

I am looking at the world through unfamiliar eyes
My legs don't feel like mine
My thoughts don't sound like me
I keep swimming toward a vision though I'm no visionary

Outside my conscious head
Within my waking heart 
Nothing is what it seems.
Unrooted and drifting.
in this restless ocean
of long-deferred dreams.

I've risked it all before.
I've lost it all before.
Dreams don't come with proof;
Do I dare sacrifice
My cynic's safe harbor,
my cautious, careful truth?

So late to try again.
So old to dream again.
I declare myself maker
with canvas, paint, and brush
Painter! Risk-taker!

Waves of uncertainty
Waves of audacity
I sink, yet I will
emerge optimistic.
Going under in hope,
Drowning, I grow gills.

I am looking at myself through unfamiliar eyes.
My feet don't move like mine
My words don't sound like me
Could drowning in dreams mean I'm becoming a visionary?

*bonus constraint words: Sacrifice and emerge
3

Tomorrow_Is_Today1 t1_j60ok3u wrote

Awesome poem, moinatx! It has such a nice flow to it and I love how you tied together the beginning and ending.

Both the sounds and the story flow nicely from start to finish, so the bits of crit I have are particular lines. For "Going under hoping", I was a bit confused at first until I thought maybe it was "Going under" as in sinking and the "hoping" comes after. If that's correct, I wonder if maybe putting a comma after "Going under" could make that clearer.

There was also a typo in "Drowing, I grow gills."

Good words!

1

moinatx t1_j60pawg wrote

Hey, thanks for reading and also thanks for the crititicism.

2