Submitted by julian_devid t3_zwhsxf in books
I am interested in reading some self-improvement books but I have many doubts
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Do they really work or is it just a waste of time?
are they difficult to understand? (I have seen that it is said on the internet that they are difficult to understand)
are they really necessary? Or is there an application on the internet that collects the knowledge from these books?
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I don't know anything about this genre of books so I ask for your opinion
> "if you don't want to do something, do it anyway."
There's no way there isn't a world where this is the title of a best-selling self-help book.
Wish it. Want it. Do it.
I’ve found the same thing! It’s like almost the whole books is fluff made to make the book look impressive.
I’m always so shocked by the insanely high Goodreads ratings on personal development / self help books. I picked up Atomic Habits and immediately found it had nothing to say that I didn’t already know.
Although, I do believe certain people benefit from just being told to do something (even if they already knew they were supposed to said thing). And to those people I say all the power to ya.
I think reading books like Atomic Habits gives people instant serotonin boost, especially because they already know the information. They're like "yes, tomorrow I will do this and my life will change!". Sometimes reading about things feels as good as actually doing them and our brains can't tell the difference.
This is akin to the (not-book related) idea that telling people your goal decreases your chances of reaching it because it causes a big dopamine hit.
"I'm gonna lose weight in 2019 2020 2021 2022 2023." Tell everybody, feel good about it, don't follow through on it.
Reading a book that gives an easy boost of serotonin or dopamine could have a similar effect through affirmation.
Sometimes it’s just a matter of something clicking with you, whether it’s because of repetition, right timing, or subtle wording change. Everyone knows they should eat vegetables, get plenty of sleep, and exercise — but oftentimes we can’t get ourselves to do it regularly without a bit of a mental push.
oooh that's interesting, have you read a book about "wealth" for example rich dad poor dad, the richest man in Babylon etc. what do you think of these?
The only useful pieces of advice I found when I was into reading these were from Ramit Sethi.
A lot of his stuff is fluff but three that stuck out and helped me a lot in life were:
- Automate your finances. Autopay for bills, try to get them to happen all at the same time of the month so that you know when 95%+ of your bills are paid, deposits should go to savings and investment accounts as soon as possible and preferably before it even makes it into your checking account to begin with.
- It is far easier to make more money than it is to cut enough expenses to make a real difference in your life. Cutting expenses and sticking to personal austerity measures is also mentally exhausting whereas earning more tends to be energizing. I know this piece isn't for everyone. It worked well for me but one size doesn't fit all and I absolutely don't advocate side hustle culture as the end goal of personal finance. In my situation I went from working a more traditional role 70-80 hour weeks with constant office drama to consulting 40 hours a week and earning substantially more.
- You define what rich means in your life. Prioritize the stuff that's really important to you (even if it's something extravagant like a personal chef or chauffer) and don't bother with the crap that isn't as important. For me this manifests in having groceries delivered, a service pick up the dog poop from my yard, etc. because I put a high value on my personal time. Areas I don't really give a damn about/don't spend on include my car. I work from home, my only driving is to and from daycare. I feel absolutely no pressure to buy up from my 2015 Subaru while most of my neighbors have 6 figure vehicles.
I found a few useful points in the Millionaire Next Door. Likewise Eat that Frog. The Black Swan and Antifragile legitimately changed my perspective on some things.
But I think a lot of these books are just preying on insecurities and selling snake oil.
Not the same person but here's my take.
Self-help books are good if they address a very specific problem you are personally struggling with.
Like as an introvert, Susan Cain's "Quiet" helped me a lot. Or I had organizing problems at my job, and Marie Kondo's "Joy at Work" helped me a lot.
But if it is a random generic book like - 10 Habits of Rich People, or How to hack your mind and max your success, etc., they are either scams, or, they are a retelling of already well-known advice and not useful.
The genre is loaded with people who are better at marketing than giving helpful advice. Even so, some of these books are valuable at least to get you to the point of being more introspective and develop a clearer understanding of what you do, don't do, say, and don't say affects the way people perceive you.
Some of these books focus on tasks. "If you do this every morning, you will be better at X or Y." Maybe. Maybe not. Whether I make my bed in the morning doesn't particularly influence my behaviors and attitudes throughout the day.
Since I'm in the professional development field, I tend to develop programs that build competencies. The ability to handle change, dealing with ambiguity, holding yourself accountable, etcetera. Generally people cling to tasks because they are tangible. Building competencies takes more work and dedication.
Ultimately, the way we improve is through a combination of building habits, developing empathy, and questioning our initial perceptions. It only happens if you are committed to positive change. It doesn't make a difference if a best-seller tells you how to do it or if you figure it out on your own. Without a willingness to identify what needs to be better and a willingness to work, it won't happen.
Good luck and best wishes on your journey to a better you.
From the comments I've read it seems that the vast majority of these books could be summarized in a blog or an application, what do you think of that?
Probably 2/3rds of them are basically a gimmick or catch phrase. Some, are worth reading.
Depends on your own effort that you put in. A book won't MAKE you do something. I'm a naturally lazy person. I've read lots of self development books. And I've learned a great deal from them! It gave me a unique point of view from people who have taken action and accomplished (starting a business).
So I feel I gained valuable knowledge. I know what I should be doing. I understand what works. I understand what hinders me. It's great information. Some of it may definitely be things you know, and may seem obvious. But like many things in life, hearing it all laid out in front of you helps cement in whatever idea you're looking for.
So since I'm a naturally lazy person. I'm glad I read them. And definitely put some effort to use what I learned. But it's ultimately up to me whether I fully utilize the lessons learned.
Not a genre that I have spent a great deal of time on - largely because I have yet to encounter one that wouldn't be better summed up as a handful of powerpoint slides or a wiki page etc - and of course most of the standard/popular ones do have summaries like this on the web somewhere or another.
There are ideas in some of the books that 'work', obviously, but I don't think that book format is the best way to get those ideas across - at least to me. 90% of the books that I have looked at are just anecdotes and repetition - and outright snake oil too in some - probably a lot of - cases.
The key thing is to put any useful ideas into practice - regardless of how you discover them.
>I have yet to encounter one that wouldn't be better summed up as a handful of powerpoint slides or a wiki page etc
This is true in the most literal sense as unlike many other types of nonfiction, self-help has absolutely no literary value (as a general rule). The ideas have only been compiled into written form because that is the most convenient way of selling them to people.
What do you think would be the best format to convey the ideas of these books? An application, a web page? What do you think?
To some extent it will depend on what the significant ideas are, but in most cases a simple web page of some kind seems perfectly adequate.
For those that need regular reinforcement of habits you can set reminders for yourself if you need to. I doubt that there are many that actually need a standalone app.
They work great IF you follow their philosophy. I’m thinking very old school. “How to win friends and influence people.” Books by Og Mandino. If you follow half of what they say, you’re a better person.
I'm a retired Life and Health Coach and I've found some books are helpful for some people. I've also read so many that IMHO were a waste of paper.
If you choose to use a self-help book, I suggest you consider it a workbook, not a book to read. Plan on journaling, plan on taking time to creating systems, trying them, failing, creating a new system, trying it, and finding the pieces that work for you.
A lot of people do better when they have accountability when trying to make changes or reach a goal. That's why joining groups that have similar goals works for a lot of people. Others need to do research and understand why the goal is important to make changes.
I spent a lot of time stying why some people seem to be able to make changes easily while others seem so resistant. I study a lot of personality frameworks, DISC, Meyers Briggs, Human Design, and many others. The one I found most useful for me as a Coach was The Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin, she created a framework around how people respond to expectations, both interior and exterior. Knowing which of the 4 Tendencies was dominant in my clients allowed me to guide them to set up the systems that worked best for them.
Only if it has actionable lines. They will repeat how amazing and powerful being able to concentrate or X is, for 100 pages. Dump those in the trash. Seek action, not fake fulfillment (illusion of progress.)
I have read some and I believe they helped me in some way. They will not change your life immediately after, as if you had just discovered the secret of a good life, but some of the messages and advices might stick to you in a way you will start to implement them in your life, slowly improving some aspects of it. In an almost unconscious manner.
But I would recommend to take a look about the author first. The ones that helped me the most were from people who had a backstory that felt legit and that I could connect to some extent.
I think the OGs (Seneca, Epictetus, Aurelius etc etc) are pretty good but the rest are shit.
With any book, I think you have to REALLY make a connection with the book to benefit greatly. No matter what book you've read, it has become part of you — even if it's a tiny amount.
You have to study the book: take notes as you read it, practise what you've learned, read it again and read your notes. That's what I started doing recently.
For books I want to REALLY study, I put a "reread" label on it. On my first read through, I take notes (anything that seems significant) on an A4 pad labelled "reading study copy" and read over the notes ive just written after that reading session. When you finally reach the end of the book, read all the notes you've written, and occasionally read over them to remember. Then add "1" on the bottom of your label to signify your first read through. Then read through again at some point, and repeat the process.
My personal self-development/self-help books that I found FANTASTIC!:
Overcoming Social Anxiety & Shyness by Gillian Butler.
The Chimp Paradox by Professor Steven Peters.
Can't Hurt Me by David Goggins.
Surrounded by Idiots by Thomas Erikson.
I recently finished reading Mountain is You and Atomic Habits. I like reading this category. However, your life doesnt get fixed because you read these books. What these books do is help get you in a mindset where you want to do something about your life regarding issues you may have. And that's all one can and should ask from a book anyway.
Just read Albert Camus and you’ll get a spare lung to continue running this life
I've had better luck with books that have a specific purpose. Eg I quit drinking immediately after reading "This Naked Mind", I've kept my house decluttered since reading "The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning".
On the other hand, I couldn't even finish "101 Essays that Change the Way You Think". Can't remember anything about "The Compassionate Mind".
Just read ancient Greek philosophers.
There are definitely some that do, some that won't. I don't buy any unless I've read them already (library/libby) and felt that it really resonated with me. Don't feel pressured to read a self help book cover to cover, take what you need from it and skim over what you don't.
My favorite personal development books have been recommended to me by therapists i've had throughout the years. They know I like to read and suggest new ones to me based on what comes up in a session. For example, I went through a phase of reading desmond tutu's book on forgiveness and a lot of brene brown when I was going through a rough patch. Books on attachment theory when i was struggling with relationships. Man's search for meaning when I was having an existential crisis. All of the above books were very good, but especially for what I was needing at the time.
They only work if you read them the right way. Here's how it's done.
It takes forever, but if you do it with the right book, it will change your life. Also, you'll save a lot of money because you really only need 1 book.
This is not snark. I'm completely serious.
this is the way.
I've read several, and honestly I have gotten more out of the podcast of "Hidden Brain". ...and it is free!
If it’s the genre I’m thinking (self improvement?) I can say that they’ve helped me. It depends on the author, the topic, and really just what you want to get out of it.
I prefer listening to mine, as it feels more conversational and it’s easier for me to absorb.
Personally, no. Some might have some practical advice but I find them very subjective and even wrong at times, especially those who try to pass life wisdom. Many of the authors don't qualify to be affecting people's lives as they do. I've found more help from poets and philosophers than those.
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They can be helpful but very few are life changing. You have to set expectations low. Even if you follow everything in one you may find the difference to be small. If you have a 5% improvement in quality of life every year is that worth it to you? If so give some a try.
One I found helpful was homecoming by John Bradshaw.
Yes, if you go into it with an open mind and positive attitude.
Most of them are low quality and repeat the same concepts countless times. The only times I've found they're useful are if they're written by actual scientists. So they're books about science, no BS and framed in a way to help people manage their lives.
If you read them like you do a novel, no. If you read them as instructions and you action those instructions they might work. You just have to pick the right few though. Some of the authors make their living by telling other people how to make a living.
If you read them like you do a novel, no. If you read them as instructions and you action those instructions they might work. You just have to pick the right few though. Some of the authors make their living by telling other people how to make a living.
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From the ever-growing number of them out there you can conclude no.
In my experience the mainstream/popular ones tend to be ableist among other things. They don't take minorities into account and assume everyone has all the privileges the author does. And also, they can be summarized in a blog post usually.
There are good ones out there (in my personal opinion) but they can be hard to find.
Barbara Oakley's learning how to learn is good. It to the point and gives practical advice for learning techniques. However, it doesn't help too much with focus and concentration problems (ADD symptoms).
Self-improvement is a realllly general term.
If you want to improve yourself, just improve yourself. Set a few goals for yourself like "I want to manage my money better" or "I want to be a better partner for my partner." Not too many goals; you can always think of more later. Then research how to achieve each topic.
Some of those topics may be found in, or even on the cover of self-help books. You can also just type it in google and see what happens there. You'll have to stumble over a few useless search results, but that only compensates for all the fluff you won't have to wade through.
My main point is, don't just buy self-help books if their goal does not align with one of your own more immediate goals. Get specific information that can actually help you. The extra worth of a good self-help book over sleuthing on the Internet is probably that it can help with building motivation.
As a clerk in a library, I would go through the new books list and put a hold on every title in a few categories so I could read (or at least flip through) them and make a a quick review. Some had new ideas and I would check them out for further reading. Many, if not most, were filler and a couple of common ideas.
Should you read a few? Yes. Use your library first though, because most are not worth the time and money. Search the topic(s) you want and make a list (better if you put them on hold, then the books will all be waiting for you!), flip through them and read a few paragraphs to see if you like the style. Sometimes you can just read the chapter headings and get all the good stuff in one go! If you happen to find a book that helps you, then sure, go ahead and buy it. Going back and re-reading it months or years later can help refresh the info and put you back on track. I own The One Minute Manager because while the ideas are simple I need to remind myself every year or so to actively use the good ideas!
It depends - if you know specifically what you need help with and the credentials of expert that wrote it - if you buy generalized or generic self help you might not get much from it - or if it is written by someone that doesn’t actually have the education to develop something of true substance
Personally, I’m a self-help junkie and implementing (even just) one to two ideas in these types of books have taken me miles away from the person I used to be.
At the end of the day, you get what you give. There’s absolutely such a thing as a healthy level of skepticism, but reading a book with cynicism is a waste of your time.
If efficiency is your issue, then invest in Blinkist or Headway.
But if you’re curious about change and human behavior, I highly suggest reading the Courage to be Disliked.
This is one book worth reading, I’ve read it twice but I have to say it’s really difficult grasping Adler’s philosophy. It’s much easier to go around life being a victim and blaming others.
Totally depends on the book and how you use the information. Don't expect any book to be a cure-all. But such books can give you useful information you can put into practice, but the work will still be yours to do.
I found books like When and Tiny Habits useful because they helped me understand the psychology behind motivation/productivity. I applied what I learned as I read and that made a big difference.
I would tackle basic functional psychology first (ex: Life Skills for Adult Children, Codependent No More, Running on Empty, The Deepest Well, The Problem Is You, etc).
You’d be surprised how many of the basic blocks of functional adulthood many of us are missing. None of the amateur-written self help stuff will work without an awareness of your basic self.
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There's only one "self-help" book I ever found useful. Not that I read a ton of these to begin with, but I got this one as a gift in my twenties, and I swear by some of the stuff included in it:
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/15791144-adulting
It's really easy to read and digest, and what I love the most about it is that it gives you concrete things you can do to improve your life instead of rambling on about how you should view the world and yourself within it. There's no preaching here, it's a straight list of shit you can do right now to make your life better. Like buying a handheld steamer to get the wrinkles out of your clothes. That shit changed my life.
I have read Atomic Habits and it's worth it.
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In a manner not dissimilar to diet books, they're all unhelpful unless they're that special one that actually works for you personally. IMO if you're looking for places where good advice is collected in a single place, the real answer is seeking out other people rather than books.
Thanks guys, your comments have been very useful to me, but I have a question for you
Based on your comments, it seems that many of these books are simple copy and paste, and that they could easily be summarized in a notebook or an application, what do you think of that?
Things I've learned from chatting with patrons at my library: The formulas for popular books continue in print because they are popular- they sell. In the self-help realm, that often means whole chapters of other people and their feel-good story of success. Some of the people who read self-help books want the promise that this one book will be the one to fix their problem and the peoples stories offered in the book support that idea. A few readers just want the positive stories (these stories are, at core, mini novels of problems resolved) and don't really care about the self-help part.
The belief of 'if I do what this book says, my life will be better' is real. Could that be translated to another format? Maybe? I can see it working as an App, maybe as a YT channel with the right formatting. Humans are odd in that, while we want the fast and easy answer, if the answer looks too easy we won't believe it works- and because we don't believe it we won't act upon/do it and it thus, it won't work (completely ignoring that it didn't work because we didn't do the work).
So i've only read 2 - Dale Carnegies famous one and the power of habit. Was easily able to finish the first bc it was thankfully pretty short (the way it should be done frankly) but put down the 2nd about halfway. The meat of both books were basically case studies that served different examples for different situations (Habit just had a million of these cases and it got repetitive)
With those in mind I do disagree with this take. IMO the problem with simply reading a summary or bullet point list is that the concepts will likely remain as theory in your mind. The point of all the case studies is seeing how these concepts manifest in a variety of real life examples and how a person can effectively apply them. I'd say the same rule applies to non fiction/educational books. You can list out their facts but they're probably not going to sink in for you. People spend time learning case studies in law school, b-school, etc for a reason bc theory is different from application. But with that said you don't need millions of these examples and I'm wary that this is what most of them do so I haven't touched one since lol (I do recommend the carnegie one bc I feel like many would benefit it and it's easy to get through. Despite the misleading title & sales pitch, it's really just a book about how to listen to other people and how listening is a commonly underdeveloped skil. Habit was good but I wouldn't spend money on it considering how much of it wasnt needed)
lydiardbell t1_j1uq75u wrote
In my experience, the majority of personal development books could have been summarized as a blog post, even with the ones with some sort of valid backing. I tried a couple when I was younger and (even more) insecure, but I don't bother with them now.
A personal favourite is one that spent 50 pages building up to the author's magical secret career- and relationship-seeking lifehack: "if you don't want to do something, do it anyway." And then the next 150 pages was testimonials from Twitter and comments in the author's Facebook page.