That's what I was thinking too. I was scared of my baby when she was born. Nothing like this and I didn't have postpartum depression or anything, but I definitely didn't have an angelic moment and wasn't that thrilled.

More women need to be told it's not wrong to not cry and instantly fall in love with baby. Too many tell those fantasy stories of love at first sight and it can make a young mother feel like something is wrong. I was induced and I've heard that the pitocin can interfere with your natural oxytocin, the love hormone.

When I saw her first she was grey and ugly. I did not have a happy face. The first picture of me holding her I look like I'm fighting a grimace and trying very hard to smile but was unable to succeed. She was cute once they cleaned her and brought her back wrapped up, which pleased me, but she screeched like a baby goat or pig which disturbed me. I was fine letting the nursery keep her over night and when friends came to visit I was fine with them holding her for 2 hours. Didn't think I would be but I was. I was scared that I had created human life. Responsible for this person for as long as they live.

When I had a moment alone with her it began to pass. I didn't let these feelings overcome me and assumed many women experience them but just keep silent. I tell women it can happen and hopefully for most it passes. This needs to be common knowledge though. I wonder how many of the ladies that say they burst into tears of joy are actually lying?

My daughter is almost 16 now. I've told her about this. I made it sound nicer though. More that of a, "I was overwhelmed by the realization that I'd created life and fear of my capacity to be the mother she deserves" sorta thing so she wouldn't think something was wrong with her. All babies are ugly when they first come out. She was pretty cute cleaned up. I knew what they were supposed to look like but it was still such a terrible shock and she cried and then we had trouble nursing for a bit and my legs swelled up so much I could barely get the shoes and maternity pants I came in with on which upset me cause I've always been naturally thin. It was alot to deal with and we didn't even have anything serious go wrong.