Submitted by _GABO_ t3_114p0ie in nottheonion
Comments
CandylandCanada t1_j8x6w7c wrote
Imagine the look on the counsellor’s face when these two told their story. That counsellor deserves whatever the therapeutic equivalent of the Nobel Peace Prize is.
lastskudbook t1_j8x9ir8 wrote
Headline went downhill fast!
Nazamroth t1_j8xb2nc wrote
"Nothing brings people together like attempted murder."
DasMotorsheep t1_j8xcfmc wrote
I... They.. he what?
zulruhkin t1_j8xcwmf wrote
Getting shot in the head can change the way you think.
whiteboyfrmdao t1_j8xdpaa wrote
ScrollButtons t1_j8xe69g wrote
>“And then we both cry and we said to each other, ‘From now on, let’s talk, let’s talk, let’s communicate better.’ Something that we should have done it before. So that’s what was missing,” Tony Toto said.
What in the r/relationships is this
Balarius t1_j8xffar wrote
Not sure if my dude is King Simp or King Chad
notapolita t1_j8xj0ev wrote
"What you call murder attempt, we call foreplay."
NotoriousREV t1_j8xjnzn wrote
Why on earth did the writer have to use their full names every single time he mentioned them? We get it, their last name is Toto!
delocx t1_j8xjuf1 wrote
Hell of a testimonial too.
"Our marriage was so bad I tried to murder my husband... 5 times! But thanks to Dr. McFuckingAwesome we've patched things up and have now been married for 57 years!"
_GABO_ OP t1_j8xn2pq wrote
Typically you'd mention an individual solely by their last name after first mention, except where multiple people have the same last name. It's a puff piece, but they're still following style guidelines.
bilateralrope t1_j8xokvm wrote
Killing him didn't work, so they were running low on options.
NotoriousREV t1_j8xp77y wrote
It’s annoying and ruins the flow of the story. There’s no reason not to refer to them by their first names after the first use of their full names. Common sense over style guide.
_GABO_ OP t1_j8xqynb wrote
Agreed, especially since this is hardly breaking news.
ShadowDragon8685 t1_j8xysa1 wrote
Por que no los dos?
hotlavatube t1_j8y1i46 wrote
“Did you miss me, Al?” - Peggy Bundy.
“With every shot so far” - Al Bundy
King0fSwing t1_j8y25kh wrote
Is it really a successful marriage if you haven't tried to kill your partner at least once?
King0fSwing t1_j8y2a9y wrote
I think we found our generations Rasputin
jordantask t1_j8y2gr6 wrote
Plot Twist: Marriage counsellor was secretly a hitman hired by each spouse to kill the other but decided to counsel them instead.
TigBiddiesMacDaddy t1_j8ybov3 wrote
Will you be willing to sell me the rights to that idea so I can make a movie out of it?
jordantask t1_j8yerid wrote
One Hundred BEEEEELLLION dollars!!
Touches pinky to corner of mouth
TigBiddiesMacDaddy t1_j8yfczh wrote
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA
oh, you’re serious?
Hold on, HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
We thought you were going to ask for a trillion dollars! Hahaha
hessian_prince t1_j8ygq7s wrote
Man, what is it with peoples kinks?
Mindless-Law-380 t1_j8yvctq wrote
The Catholics must be so proud.
fuckdirectv t1_j8yxsr2 wrote
They bless the rains down in Africa...
Dutchman1941 t1_j8yzqhm wrote
Been married to the same women for 60 years and haven’t been shot.
thecowintheroom t1_j8z71h1 wrote
Confirmation bias says that because he didn’t die, she realized he was meant to live, and that she was meant to love him.
whoisgeorgia t1_j8z75fe wrote
love it.
knoguera t1_j8zacf3 wrote
Holy shit
HoppityHooper t1_j8zhj80 wrote
"Till Death Do We Part," indeed. NFL fans may be interested to know the film about the Totos lives, starring Tracey Ullman, was produced by a fellow named Jeffrey Lurie. Who made a killing producing great Eagles teams the last 30 years or so.
attillathehoney t1_j8zhnzw wrote
How do you know? Remember that time you thought you had the flu?
Lovat69 t1_j8zi495 wrote
He now puts the toilet seat down and the dirty laundry goes in the hamper!
XeroChance t1_j8zmv8u wrote
Terrible trigger control
voicebread t1_j8zsov3 wrote
I tried to murder my husband 5 times. AITA?
7ach-attach t1_j901tdp wrote
We don’t need no chamber of commerce clearance to play around here, now move on!
Mohingan t1_j902wc8 wrote
Guy decides to turn his whole life around, go to school, and learn marriage counselling just because he believed in them.
1ntrovertedSocialist t1_j90cb80 wrote
Blessed Reigns in Africa usually don’t end well
DrDalekFortyTwo t1_j90ek04 wrote
NTA. Your husband, your rules
JustStatedTheObvious t1_j90iq1e wrote
It's rare when the title is exactly like the Onion's writing style.
And even rarer you can quote the article and still question whether or not this is satire.
DangerOReilly t1_j91cdmr wrote
If you can't sell the story as movie rights, is it even a real marriage?
DangerOReilly t1_j91ckwo wrote
King Chimp or King Sad?
fromabuick t1_j91dmur wrote
Nobody had the rainbow until they had the rain - Jim Croce
nodfitz t1_j91yhop wrote
Something about this reminds me of this scene in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aak6BqNR150
MasonP2002 t1_j921t2f wrote
Damn, so that's why my relationship didn't work out.
Azerax t1_j93hy9s wrote
r/holup
Grand-Exchange6516 t1_j93xj7j wrote
Well at least we know they deserve each other
Viewtifultrey3 t1_j941p4h wrote
Enemies that lay together stay together.
Korean_Sandwich t1_j94nbmx wrote
Mr and Mrs smith
pghreddit t1_j9a7hmv wrote
kalekayn t1_j9bzayz wrote
Sounds like an old hollywood version of Mr and Mrs. Smith.
justhavingfunMT t1_j9dhyft wrote
Coincidentally, they aren't the first married couple to have this scenario in their life and still be together. Absolutely fantastic movie based on the true story of the other couple, I love You To Death. Kevin Kline, Tracy Ulman, River Phoenix, Keanu Reeves, Joan Plowright all had amazing parts and an absolutely funny movie that I'm going to now find and watch, for probably the 10th time.
S_T_P t1_j8x6o7y wrote
>> While not everything in the movie is accurate, Frances Toto did hire teenage hitmen to help her try to kill her husband five times, including failed attempts to blow up his car and attack him with a baseball bat.
>> One night, Frances Toto put a bottle of sleeping pills in her husband’s food and then the hitmen shot him.
>> “Twice, one in the back of my head and then the bullet went right through the chest,” Tony Toto said.
>> Because of the pills, Tony Toto’s system slowed down. He was in a daze and says he didn’t feel a thing, believing his wife when she told him he had the flu.