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Snufflepuffster t1_j1e1ohd wrote

Reply to comment by Fool_of_a_toker in To gift of not to gift, a philosopher's dilemma | Attentiveness, the kind that cuts through the indiscriminate busyness that besets modern life, is the greatest and hardest gift to give (Skye Cleary, John Kaag by IAI_Admin

often I feel gifts can be a cop out for not putting actual effort into the relationship: attentiveness, listening to your partner, actually being with them. These are the most fulfilling gifts and cannot be bought. The message attached to them is very simple too. People talk about love languages and how people choose to show their love, but I don’t really believe in that. imo people who decide to manifest love materially instead of emotionally have an avoidance problem.

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XiphosAletheria t1_j1ediqs wrote

But all love must be expressed materially, because we are not psychic. We never get to truly know how another person feels about us. We can only infer it from their actions. And "love languages" are just ways of categorizing which actions make a person feel loved. For some it is being held; For some it is being told; For some it is having things done for them; For some it is receiving gifts. The last one can be problematic if what is wanted are expensive gifts, but as a love languages the point is generally not the value of the gift but the fact of a gift being given, such that the gifts themselves might cost less than you could earn in say, the time it took to give someone a really good cuddle, or to compose a flowery poem.

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branchoflight t1_j1ftqfe wrote

Do you consider words and shared experiences material then?

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ComplementaryCarrots t1_j1h2iv1 wrote

I have a family member who is a fantastic gift giver but they almost never take responsibility for hurting others feelings or admit they were wrong... Your point about gift giving and avoidance reminded me of her. (Though of course not all gift giving is like this.)

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