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jconti1233 t1_j3701rw wrote

> important things to do with my time, but you may want to reconsider what you do with y

honest recommendation: if you want to save time driving, just drive less miles.

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ArmSpiritual9007 t1_j3a0ko5 wrote

You know I think you are trying to be honest and trying to be kind to me so I'll be honest with you.

While you have a point, That I think what you really mean is for me to simplify my life. Boy would I love to do that. However unfortunately simplifying my life isn't that simple.

Even with the benefits that I could hypothetically work remotely directly from my home that's not possible. You'll notice that I'm subscribed to a number of autism Forums. I am a special needs parent.

I visited my son's neurologist today to discuss my 3 year olds progress. My son entered the doctor's office, and began flipping chairs. He dumped a number of boxes on the floor, and continued to flip a lightswitch on and off. He was trying to tell me that he didnt want to be there, but my son is speech delayed and does not have the same capabilities as a normal 3 year old. The neurologist watching him was concerned about his behavior.

The neurologist asked me how he can help. My specific words to him were "I have reached my global maximum, and there is nothing more I can do". He understood, but let me tell you, without experiencing an autistic child, it is impossible for anyone else to truly understand.

I have marginal "help" from my wife, and I am constantly "debating" her over my son's special needs, while she is busy being unhealthily addicted to her phone and instagram, basically leaving all parenting responsibilities to me. She is extremely controlling and will not do anything I suggest. my son is seeping at 8:30 today, becase he did not get the 2 hour mother neglect nap that he normally gets when around my wife all day. This is because I have forcefully enrolled him in ABA, despite my wife trying o keep him out of it for no explicable reason. She would, and does, yell at me for allowing him to stay up until 10:00 or 11:00 we I fully explained that the 2 hour naps are causing this and she needs to be more involved. I had explain this to the neurologist as well. Today, he understood. I explained it to him 3 months ago, and last time he visited he thought I was the problem.

My time is fully saturated. You may laugh at my calculations, but when you only have 30 minutes a day at 10:30, any time savings are critical. As I write this, I am duel functioning as a scratching post for my son. I am incapacitated, and if I don't allow him to scratch me, he wont drink his milk and will start throwing things and screaming. I allow him to do this because with an autistic child, you must pick and choose your battles.

Regarding driving, I have no further optimizations I can make. I have no time to call people. I have no time for myself in general. I cried driving to my son's ABA therapy, because your post came to mind that I should "simpify my life", when you don't know the living hell that every day is. The reality is, I am so busy, I am now missing work because I need to raise my son and bring him to appointments. I can't trust my wife with my son because she explodes a him, and when she isn't doing that she's on instagram and TV is raising my son, which is especially bad for autistic children.

I told, very confidently to the neurologist, that there is nothing anyone can do for me. He knew not to challenge it. Unless you can recommend some sort of force multiplier so that I can become at minimum 5 of myself, then there is literally nothing you can do me. I mean the genuinely, if you have something for me, send it my way. There is no one I can count on to provide me a break.

Now, you don't care about my sad sob story, but I assure you there are other people like me, and there are other people with equally challenging problems. And, those people are also probably driving too.

But to go back to driving, my son may literally throw a hotwheels cars at me, or be screaming incredibly loud and unconrtollable in the truck. I might literally miss a 25 MPH sign because I am attempting to pay attention to the road. Is that fair? Are you going to say I shouldn't drive? What if I need to go to a neurologist appointment that has no bus or train stop?

Now, to meet you half-way: My "beef" isnt with the speed cameras, it is that they are too inhuman and inflexible. My recommendation instead would be to change them so that these stupid 25 MPH zones trigger at 39.5 MPH, and the resultant bill someone receives is something like $500. The other option would be to train an AI to distinguish asshole drivers from average drivers. People break laws all day, your probably breaking on right now that you are unaware of.

For whatever it is worth, I hope you have a good evening. If you see someone struggling with their child, it might not be a bad parent. If you see the child going especially crazy, you might even try to redirect the child with a puppy you have (2 strangers have done so for me). Go be nice to some random stranger, and if someone asks you to "break the rules" and they have a 3 year old with you, for the love of god just look the other way. Your kindess will probably make someone cry.

And just so you know that there's a human on the other side of this, I'm probably going to go cry in the shower mulling my life over.

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jconti1233 t1_j3ia2gz wrote

Damn dude. Fwiw, it sounds like youre doing the best job possible. I'm embarrassed to admit that if I were in your situation Im not positive I'd be strong as you, i could cave-in just like your wife. I feel for you though, wife and I have a 2 month old but you're right that I can't truly understand how rough it's been for you and your wife. But in my world my wife and me's teamwork has been pivotal. Your son will always have autism but you could work on the teamwork in your marriage. Easier said than done, I know, but at least, cut yourself some slack. You're doing a bangup job, better than most people could.

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