How can a mom (54F) daughter (35F) together be such an a**?

Submitted by Dandelion_1347 t3_11eng7m in relationship_advice

(25F) I’ve been raging since yesterday.

There’s a single mom (husband left her) & 2 daughter (older one’s husband left her too) family living next to my flat. The older one & her mom has always been super nosy in all of our family business. And I have been nothing but nice & supportive to them.

She comments on my character all the time, she keeps discussing me & my whereabouts with her older one. The younger one was the only nice one in the entire fam. That woman got no chill, she’d be looking out her main door to see where I’m going at night.

And the older one is as miserable as her mother. Every time I talked to her, she had been super freaking disagreeing, even if I’m right. She just loves to disagree with everything & uses a very nasty tone. If she says the same thing it’s okay, but if I say it, apparently I’m wrong.

Just because we’re neighbors, I was always nice.

The mother always interrogates me asking about my family, especially my sister since she lives abroad, coz according to her, women who live alone abroad are runaways or does bad things.

I’ve shut her out but she never stops. She keeps commenting on my sister’s second marriage (even when she & her daughter had failed marriages). She knows my sister’s first one only married her for visa, that’s why my sister left him. Still she says stuff like “who’s kid is this? The first one or the second one?” Like woman! Please get a life! What’s your business here. I’ve shut her out multiple times very nicely because they both are nasty AF & I don’t want an ugly fight with them. Now I’m raging coz she just doesn’t stop. What should I do?

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SnackyShark t1_jaf1cvo wrote

"Thanks for your concern about my family but I have nothing to say about them right now."

"Oh, can't talk now, I'm busy. Bye." and then walk off.

"I'm not going to discuss them with you any more as you weren't nice about them before."

So being nice is often letting them be dicks. Call them out on it, gently. Sure they'll possibly get uppity about it, but tell them goodbye and walk off. You owe them absolutely nothing even if they are your neighbours, they're not treating you nicely. Don't set yourself on fire so they can be warm.

Build up a stack of these one line answers and pull them out regularly. Stop engaging with them as much as possible. They're being miserable and misery loves company, so don't let them be miserable to you

This is hard as we're conditioned to be nice from a young age, but have some boundaries and stick to them.

Good luck.

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HatsAndTopcoats t1_jaf23tz wrote

"Sorry, no time to talk, have a good one."

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imjustheretoeatdrama t1_jaf242o wrote

>Now I’m raging coz she just doesn’t stop. What should I do

I'm a little bit crazy so probably don't do what I would do but.... I would lean into it and play their game by your rules. My two cents:

"Oh, this is a kid they found on the street! Yeah, it's cray." "Oh, I'm just headed out to YADAYADA BAR, do you want to come? Great people most of the time, maybe you'll find hubby # 2!!" "OMG, im so sorry, I thought you told me this fact the other day, were you wrong? I don't want us to disagree so I want to make sure I'm remembering what you said properly" "oh, didn't you know? Living abroad saves you tooons on taxes! Plus you know, you know, gotta get that sunshine! It's good for the soul." "So how's your ex doing?" "It's so sweet of you to ask about my life! Can I come in for a coffee and chat?! I've got so much to tell you!"

Ya know, that kind of thing, defuse their hostility with... friendliness? Don't dismiss it i guess, treat it like an improv show where you have to say "yes and" to whatever comes at you. I've found people get bored of trying to mk you defensive or angry. But again. I don't put up with peoples bullshit very well so, do what you feel comfortable with.

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