Submitted by ThrowRAOpenIn8306 t3_11ejxj8 in relationship_advice
We're together 5 years, married 1 year. I know I married a massive grump but with a kid on the way, I'm afraid he can't pull himself out of it on his own. It definitely affects my own mood and is often very embarrassing when done in public.
His mood gets killed by every little rude encounter he has, e.g. when someone pushes in front of him at the supermarket.
On the sidewalk he expects people to get out of his way quick and gets snarly if they don't. He's not even confrontational at all, just huffing an puffing all the time.
When he returns home from work and I ask him how his day was, it was usually "annoying", "stressful", and his co-workers suck. I have an open ear but he spends the evening just being moody about it.
Thing is except some encounters he can seem extremely well-mannered, but so many things take him over the edge. And since I'm his partner, he takes his whole mood home to me.
Confronting him about it he says I'm the one in a bad mood, that he didn't notice, or that he wants to "show" people how rude they are and not "let them get away with it." Note that this entails him huffing and puffing and complaining about it to me.
Couple years ago waiting in line at a bar he felt slighted by some middle-aged women and threw nasty slurs at them under his breath, which they heard and one women later confronted him about with me at the table. I was very clear that this was almost a moment I broke up with him and I think he understood and regretted it. But smaller things like this still happen all the time... Everyone's an idiot out to get him.
I though about books on stoicism - when you can't change your environment, change how you deal with it etc. Have you guys pulled yourself out of such things? Any way to name/pathologise his behaviour and get some starting points for help?
There are no therapy spots where we live and no online counseling.
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