You have been willing to accommodate to her constantly changing her mind only to be ditched like that.

Let emphasize, she does not want to spend her birthday with you, even though you have been willing to do whatever she wanted on it. I may be a petty man, but sometimes you should be petty. I think you should be upset.

>What should I do, I'm definitely not going to drive separate from her to meet her for her birthday and roll over like I feel like I have been for most other fights.

She does not respect, because you act like you do not mind being disrespected. That is how it works, if you do not respect yourself other people will not respect you either. I think you should break up.