How should I (25F) approach the 3rd time asking my boyfriend (25M) to call me more during the day throughout the week?

Submitted by Practical-Doughnut86 t3_11ejfe7 in relationship_advice

I have asked him on 2 separate occasions (most recent being during this past Valentines Day dinner when he asked me what I felt he could improve on) to call me during the day, if only for 5-10 min, just call. He replied “I can do that, I’ll start calling on my lunch break” Hasn’t happened at all…. All else is going well within our relationship and this may be seen as a “petty” problem to have but it’s becoming annoying because it’s like he doesn’t even care to do this simple thing I ask of him. When he does call me, it’s usually at night and we tend to watch a show or 2 on ft and that’s fine but I would like to be apart of his real day also. How should I approach the convo?

I was thinking of texting him a lot less during the day, that way if he really wanted to reach me, he’d have no other way but to call me. But that seems like “playing games” to me but how else am I supposed to approach the situation if not even an adult convo can get him to listen? Would some of you call this a red flag?

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Witch_on_a_moped t1_jaefwc3 wrote

I would say yes this is a red flag...on You. Not him. People are busy with work, and he probably wants to sit in silence while eating his lunch. He face times you at night. I don't have time to have a 15 minute phone call everyday while at work. I'll talk to you when I get off.

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Practical-Doughnut86 OP t1_jaegpn1 wrote

Again, missing the point but ok ma’am🤗

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yowen2000 t1_jaeeiqw wrote

> But that seems like “playing games”

It is.

Are you expecting him to call you every day, or just once or twice a week during the day? Because I could see every day being a bit much for him.

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Practical-Doughnut86 OP t1_jaefj8p wrote

Not every day. We never call everyday. I just want him to call me after work sometime to check in 5-10 min. Not just at night every time

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yowen2000 t1_jaegqsd wrote

If you are already texting each other every day throughout the day, plus calling every night, it might be a bit much, so you two may need to compromise. His communications preferences should matter as much as yours. So discuss this one more time and see where both of your preferences are and what you can settle on from there.

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UsuallyWrite2 t1_jaeekh7 wrote

I don’t understand. If he’s at work and you’re at work, it’s really not an appropriate time for a chat.

I don’t text or call my partner during the day unless it’s an emergency. I don’t even check texts during my work day. It’s distracting.

If that’s something you need, maybe date someone who doesn’t have a job and can be at your beck and call.

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RubyJuneRocket t1_jaehua2 wrote

I like having separation between my work day and my personal life, this would interrupt that and also interrupt my work day, I feel like most people feel the same? I’d call wanting to talk while I’m at work is a red flag. It feels like checking to make sure I’m actually at work.

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BraveAccident738 t1_jaephq2 wrote

How often are you together physically? Your post to call me during the day, implying every day. Why do you need a call every day, why can’t you call him. Are you one of the ones that texts your BF like 35 times a day?

Not a red flag on him, but maybe you are the red flag with your constant need for attention.

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Practical-Doughnut86 OP t1_jaeplkw wrote

You’re reaching, just like the other comments. Bye, luv.

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BraveAccident738 t1_jaeptew wrote

Yes, a horribly insecure person that needs constant attention to validate herself. Bye, darling

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Practical-Doughnut86 OP t1_jaeqtw6 wrote

Omg I’m gonna cry, a complete stranger called me insecure😭 girlllllll go lay!!

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BraveAccident738 t1_jaerblb wrote

At least I don’t need to text my man 50-100 times a day and need him to call me to validate my existence in his life. GIRL!!!! Maybe he just doesn’t want to see you or speak with you, could be. Have a great evening texting and calling!! Out!!!

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Practical-Doughnut86 OP t1_jaerv1h wrote

I’m cryin real tearssssssss😭 my hearttttt!!! Lmao you’re funny you should do stand up

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codi409 t1_jaeepqd wrote

Y do u need to be constant contact with him!? 8 hours a day, more of less, depending on your work schedule…should be a non-contact time. On my lunch break I want to enjoy my break and not feel obligated to have to call my gf. And she understands this, when I get off, if she asks I tell her about day and she does as well. Am I missing something!?

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Practical-Doughnut86 OP t1_jaef65x wrote

Who said constant contact? I said I would like him to call me sometime during the day to check in for 5-10 min other than at night right before bed twice a week

−7

SleepDangerous1074 t1_jaetmqm wrote

What’s making you physically incapable of calling him?

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Tutefurity t1_jaew05z wrote

She's not answered that question at all, just getting mad at people for answering her question.

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Diplodocus15 t1_jaepnr4 wrote

He shouldn't have agreed to something that he didn't intend to follow up on. But I also wouldn't agree to call my wife regularly during the day while I'm at work. Break up with him over this if you want, but if you don't want to break up then I would just drop it.

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Glassgrl1021 t1_jaesadn wrote

I thought you were only mildly unreasonable until I got to the part where you are texting him during the day too. Let the man work.

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Practical-Doughnut86 OP t1_jaeso7z wrote

Not only do I text my man but he texts me back!! I never said we send 100 texts a day. Like y’all really puling stuff out of thin air.

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Tutefurity t1_jaew2nx wrote

Yes, it's a red flag.

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houseofreturn t1_jaew4yr wrote

Dude…you need to chill out. You’re getting snarky and defensive at all the comments, some of which have genuine advice they he may not WANT to call you while he’s working. You’re apparently 25, don’t you have your own life that would be slightly impeded if he were calling you mid-day, every single day? Look if you’re in a long distance situation, I get needing some validation that he’s available for you, but you guys text throughout the day right? I really think you should let this be. Maybe try to compromise with once a week on his lunch break. I’ll give you advice, I live with my boyfriend but our schedules conflict a lot and I don’t get to see him half as much as I want to, and I learned to manage my emotions and be okay with that. I get cute texts and tik toks while he’s on break, he gets cute texts and voicemails from me (he specifically asked I leave him voicemails so he can listen to the sound of my voice without having to interrupt his work flow to take a call). Compromise is key, find a way this works for both of you. You need to do some maturing if you think it can be your way and your way only in a relationship.

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Practical-Doughnut86 OP t1_jaezbb7 wrote

Don’t tell me to chill out, I’m genuinely upset by these comments because they are assuming things that literally are not true. I appreciate your comment because you are actually giving me advice and not assuming that I’m “crazy” or “incredibly insecure” so thank you for that💕.

  1. I do not text my boyfriend 100 times a day. Not even close. We send about 10 texts a day MAX. Because yes, I work.. and so does he. I don’t FORCE my boyfriend to text me everyday, that’s just us. But I don’t force him. I’m not desperate.

  2. My boyfriend and I do NOT call/ ft everyday. And when we do, it’s not a “requirement”. I don’t force him to call me. As I said before, we usually FaceTime 2, sometimes 3 days out of the week, but ONLY at night to watch shows together. I simply just would like a call here and there during the DAY. I never said I NEED him to call me while he is at work every single day. I just asked that he sometime call me on his way home from work for no reason, just to chat. Or on his way home from the gym. Just to add some spontaneity to it. I don’t need a call every day, or even every other day. Just at least once a week. I wasn’t the one that suggested he call on his break, he said that he would. And tbh it hurt my feelings that he said he would do something, and didn’t because I wouldn’t do that to him. And I just don’t know what to do with the hurt feelings because I know it’s petty, when all else is fine in our relationship but I can’t lie, it hurt my feelings.

Also, we do not live together and only see one another on the weekends

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houseofreturn t1_jaf24s5 wrote

I get that then. It does suck when your partner tells you they’ll do something and don’t stick to it. I think just communicating that it’s hurting your feelings and that you feel like you’re putting in a bit more effort than he is. You’re missing him, and want to talk to him when you can, and it doesn’t feel great that he seemingly isn’t trying to help sooth that with just this little thing every day. Doing the whole “I’ll just text him less” thing is playing games and it’s passive aggressive, and that’s never a good way to treat your partner. Just tell him how it’s hurting you, and hopefully he’ll recognize that he needs to step it up a bit.

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techramblings t1_jaewlus wrote

He's at work. Working. You are presumably also at work. Working.

Do you really need to talk to each other on the phone during the working day? Presumably you talk extensively during the evenings.

If we're being honest, unless you work at the same place, you aren't part of his work day. That's nothing to be surprised about: even if you were married and living together, you still wouldn't be part of his work day, and vice-versa.

Consider that some employers are also a bit funny about people using their personal phones in the workplace; whilst your employer may be totally okay with you sending personal messages regularly during the day, his employer may not.

Generally speaking, personal communication during the working day is usually reserved for emergencies.

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