ihavesomequestionz1 OP t1_jeguqtz wrote on March 31, 2023 at 10:37 PM

Reply to comment by Jmm1272 in I (F 42) have to leave my husband (M 44) but I don't know how. by ihavesomequestionz1

I am not allowed to walk around my house bare foot for example. Neither is my daughter. He would get mad and the energy in the house would be awful. So I just do it. I would not If it was just me, but he has a say in what my daughter does, so in solidarity to her I follow the rules so she isn't the only one. He likes the curtains shut in the day time. If I go near the kitchen window and I have the blinds up, he gets mad that neighbours can see me. I am not naked. It's fine. But I try to avoid the energy for my daughter.

He doesn't have enough for alimony. Anything I do, I will have to do alone. Any diagnosis is just my researched opinion.

Jmm1272 t1_jegx24r wrote on March 31, 2023 at 10:54 PM

He has “a” say. You are giving him the only say. You have a day too! Again I’m not in the UK but in the US you can say you don’t have enough money for alimony, they court determines that. Some states determine fault for divorce and that impacts the amount, other states have community property and alimony is based on your income. In both examples there is a mathematical formula and they don’t just let someone say “I can’t afford it” you daughter may need child support or school expenses or braces or glasses ….all of those expenses would be determined in your divorce.

Here I found this

Spousal maintenance is an amount awarded by the Courts to be paid by the spouse with the higher income to the spouse with the lower income when a couple divorces. It is only awarded if one party cannot support themselves without payments from the other. It can be awarded for a specified term or for life in some cases.

https://www.family-lawfirm.co.uk/divorce-settlements/spousal-maintenance/

This next one has quite a bit of information

https://www.gov.uk/child-maintenance-service

ihavesomequestionz1 OP t1_jegy2xh wrote on March 31, 2023 at 11:02 PM

I appreciate this. Tomorrow I sit down to work this all out. Also work out how to increase my earnings. I know how much he has and how much makes. We are both poor, he doesn't have it.

I know i get a say, but he will create such a heavy environment that would affect my daughter. I just try to keep the peace. I let my daughter be free when he isn't home. But she knows well to follow the rules when he is home. I hate that, because I feel guilty that I am undermining him, but I just want moments for her to feel free.