Your decision is : go zero contact (that's the consequence of permenantly contaminating your friendship); or divorce your current partners.

In either event, you destroyed your marriage. You need to confess to your wife. She has the right to decide whether she wants to reconcile or divorce.

And you have to make yourself a safe partner. Your behavior was selfish, entitled, deceitful, and shows zero empathy for your life partner.

There's no quick fix (and don't ever blame it on the alcohol).