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Creative_Recover t1_jefg8qo wrote

You both cheated on your spouses. And the alcohol is not the cause of this; you two have clearly been holding in a lot of feelings towards each other for a long time.

You can't forgot what happened. And these feelings that surfaced are not going to go away if you keep on being friends.

You two need to have a conversation about what happened and your real feelings towards each other. Friends don't have sex with each other by accident. If you 2 have a thing for each other then you need to get realistic and end things with your respective spouses because otherwise (sooner or later) you will cheat on them again.

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[deleted] OP t1_jefjgcq wrote

[deleted]

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Own-Writing-3687 t1_jefoeon wrote

Your decision is : go zero contact (that's the consequence of permenantly contaminating your friendship); or divorce your current partners.

In either event, you destroyed your marriage. You need to confess to your wife. She has the right to decide whether she wants to reconcile or divorce.

And you have to make yourself a safe partner. Your behavior was selfish, entitled, deceitful, and shows zero empathy for your life partner.

There's no quick fix (and don't ever blame it on the alcohol).

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Street_Passage_1151 t1_jegbgbe wrote

Very telling that he is super concerned about his friend throughout this entire post and doesn't mention his wife or feeling guilty at all.

I feel really bad for her and I hope she finds out soon.

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[deleted] OP t1_jefs7kl wrote

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tercer78 t1_jeg2aum wrote

You’ve already purposefully harmed her. Now you’re trying to delay her happiness in life by withholding the truth from her. Helluva healthy attitude for marriage there, bud.

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tercer78 t1_jeg24cj wrote

Of course as a huge DBag, you’re more concerned about talking with her than your wife… soon to be twice divorced Guy.

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Creative_Recover t1_jeflsd5 wrote

Give it a couple of days because she is likely collecting her thoughts & emotions on the matter too, but don't leave it too long because otherwise the conversation will became harder to bring up.

I think it would also be a good idea for you to both meet up in person to talk about this.

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Own-Writing-3687 t1_jefp2nq wrote

You both need to confess to your partners.

Interesting that you're more concerned about your affair partner than your life partner.

You both just destroyed your current marriage/engagement.

You may soon be single.

You both are too old for this BS.

Play stupid games. Win stupid prizes.

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Rstar2247 t1_jefxu30 wrote

The moral tribulations of cheaters. Some people have it rough.

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tercer78 t1_jeg1yzb wrote

Y’all deserve to die alone without ever having a healthy relationship. Y’all are both really mentally unwell people.

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Mountain_Monitor_262 t1_jegaqte wrote

So you could care less that you ruined and cheated on your marriage and only care about ruining your friendship. Your first thought should have been how to save your marriage. You shouldn’t be married. You two deserve each other and quit deceiving your SO’s. If you’re keeping your best friend / fuck buddy then lose the wife.

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Mysterious_Ad_3119 t1_jeg6fng wrote

Having got rather intimate with a friend it took us about a month to discuss it. Surprisingly the occasion we got intimate was also the same day we discussed it being a bad idea. Clearly it was on our minds and we still decided to sense out the window.

P.S. it doesn’t have to ruin a friendship but you should consider why it happened as you’re both in committed relationships.

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Foolish5678 t1_jeg7qrr wrote

Definitely bring it up … to your wife

Why didn’t you two shack up when she was 18 and you were 26?

You could have spared a lot of people some heartache

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Indecks9999 t1_jegar8b wrote

You set yourselves up to do this, It was not an accident.

It was a series of bad choices leading up to the cheating for the both of you.

At this point I think you both deserve each other. Let your SO's know and let them make their own choice and you problems will be solved

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[deleted] OP t1_jegbkp0 wrote

[deleted]

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Indecks9999 t1_jegc79e wrote

Public forum for relationship advice. You get the same as you put out. If its toxic, than many of the replies will be as well.

You care more about your friend than your SO, so being as you posted in an advice forum, that's still my advice.

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Silva2099 t1_jeg7vb4 wrote

Keep texting and leaving evidence out there, I’m sure that will work out well for you both.

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