StrangeCommittee4116 t1_iuk8nto wrote on October 31, 2022 at 11:32 PM

friends are usually a good barometer for how well suited your partner is for you. If they are rubbed the wrong way, perhaps that's something to consider. Ultimately it's up to you. Is this guy worth ending your friendship? Are your friends just straight up shitty?

From your description it seems like you like this guy, they may not be convinced because of your previous toxic relationship. But it sounds like they were going out of their way to make him feel uncomfortable and put him on edge. Alcohol was involved. However, the way your boyfriend spoke to you is not acceptable.

honestly for late 20s individuals you and your friends sound YOUNG. Maybe, find better friends? Find a partner that won't call you names in front of your friends (proving their point)? Your friends suck for embarrassing you and behaving that way in front of this person you said you liked, however, your boyfriend sucks because he then made a scene and lashed out at YOU.

If you want my honest opinion, find new friends. I don't know about the boyfriend. Maybe that won't work either. I wouldn't be able to shake the fear of him misdirecting anger at me and if that's how he speaks to you in anger in public what will he be like when he's angry in private?

Before I read the comment where you described everything i was thinking this was going to be like a situation where your friends maybe picked up on something you may have not clocked because of rose coloured glasses. HOWEVER, it sounds like everyone sucks here. it's ironic they called him a child when they literally were like petulant children trying to goad him into an argument to upset him and he took the bait and made more of a scene. They ended up harming you in the process as well.

Maybe you're better off taking some time, going to therapy, and finding new hobbies that will introduce you to new people.

eta

maybe its worth making a list of qualities you want to see in your friends and in a future partner, and reflect on why you haven't cut out these people before?

athena2367 OP t1_iukak81 wrote on October 31, 2022 at 11:47 PM

I have to be honest, I feel the SAME way as you. I feel like my friends are acting YOUNG. i feel like I’m in a vicious cycle of HS drama that I never intended of being a part of. I don’t know if it’s just them or if it’s because they’re single, but I’m about through with it. They don’t want to invest in a house, get married, have children, and I do. My bf also has a child with another girl and has been through a lot in his life and has been the most mature thing in my life recently (I am constantly astounded at how mature/level-headed he is for being 23).

If I’m being honest I feel like I’ve been trying to get away from their crazy pettiness/immaturity but things just keep happening that cause me to get trapped into their vicious cycle. Just when I feel like I’m out, I feel like they convince me to stay. I am planning on going back to therapy, and currently have distanced myself/not tried to talk to them because I feel like no matter what I do/say to them, it won’t change their minds because in the end they don’t really respect me as a person.